It's still Thursday, Octobeer 17, 1991, Yes... I spelled the month correctly.
I've just finished my date with my ex-stalker Junko - twice and now have to leave her behind (ha-ha) and get on a bus that will take me and the other Tochigi-ken (Tochigi Prefecture) AETs (assistant English teachers) on the JET (Japan Exchange & Teaching) Programme from Utsunomiya University up to Nikko-shi (City of Nikko) where we will learn a bit about the environment of the area.
It will be interesting, but my mind is now heavily tuned in on sex.
I have her panties stuck in my shirt breast pocket and pull it out every now and again to wipe my brow with it. I don't think anyone notices - dammit!
It's just after lunch as we pile onto the coach bus... and true to form for me - the ame otoko (rain man) - it begins to rain, as it always does whenever I travel in this country.
But I don't mind. I just got laid (twice) (yes, I have mentioned it twice... but I think it bears repeating) in a classroom at the school while everyone else was listening to boring old speeches about how to survive in Japan.
I'm pretty sure I have it figured out.
I'm sitting beside Stephanie Chan, a cute Chinese-Canadian girl from Montreal whom I really like... but she is interested in another guy. Come on, Stephanie... smell the apple blossoms from Junko's hair on my chest!
We check into our hotel near the Ryu-zu (Dragon head Falls), partake in an onsen (hot communal bath with some other male AETs), go for dinner and drink heavily. At least I know I did.
I open a ton of bottles with my teeth (a gift), and then steal everyone else's bottles of beer (with permission) and proceed to tie on one of the best or worst drunks of my 26-year-old life.
Excited - depressed, I have no idea. I just feel the need for speed.
After the get-together, Ashley stops by my room. Ash is my ex-girlfriend here, a very attractive 23-year-old from Augusta, Georgia in the US of A. Apparently she and I meshed together perfectly sexually (it's good to be good at something, even if it is only sex), and while she has agreed with herself that I am always around her (she came to my place 5x a week for dinner, for months), and that she needed her space away from me.
Hey... what baby wants, baby gets.
Me? I'm pining for her fjords. I have no idea what that means, but I keep hoping that our current friends-with-benefits status will morph back into boyfriend/girlfriend status.
I can still smell Junko on me... probably because I keep wiping her panties all over my face... even when I see Ashley at the door.
Ash has brought over a 1/2 shot of sake (Japanese fermented rice wine) for me. I down it feeling no pain. I want more but she won't give me any more from the bottle she has. Ash and I boinked for months and months. She knows a half a shot of sake isn't going to do squat for me. I once drank 47 glasses in a contest and then went dancing. One guy passed out at around eight glasses, another in the late teens. The other gent, Arikawa-san and I battled each other to a draw. He, by the way, went to a meeting afterwards.
Achieving hero status with myself, Arikawa-san did have a hangover the next day, while I was fine... except for that damage to my liver and self-respect.
So... what's Ashley's freaking problem? Why come to my room with half (HALF!) a shot of sake?
Here's where your old pal Andrew gets effing stupid. I apologize to the reader, but it needs to be written here if I am to at least pretend I am an honest person.
I grab hold of her arm and tell her I'm not letting go until she gives me more.
She won't.
Finally squirming free from my alcohol-fueled grasp, she moves a few feet away and throws the shot glass at me, hitting me in the ribs.
All I can think is "Bitch!"
She walks off and slams the door to my room... at least she tries to... but the door is spring-loaded and won't allow itself to be slammed. The effect is quite amusing to me causing me to laugh as she storms off. I have no idea where she went. I just don't care.
I'm drunk and I'm horny. A lot of both.
I amble off to go and find Karen, a bubbly redhead from North Bay, Ontario, Canada who arrived a few months ago (Ash and I arrived 15 months earlier). Karen really likes me and glommed onto my mother who had come over for a visit from Toronto three months ago.
My mom really liked Karen, too, and disliked Ashley. Karen was bubbly, Ashley was quiet.
Anyhow.. Karen sucking up to my mom to perhaps get to me (my opinion) put me on my guard. Karen wants a boyfriend, and I just want to sleep with her. I only recently began chasing Japanese women (one has to learn how to talk the talk first... and to be honest, 15 months ago, Ashley helped me lose my virginity). I already have a sex friend in Ashley, why would I want to lose that with a girlfriend... can't I have two sex friends? Or more if I can get back in with Junko?
Man... I'm going to need my mom to send me more condoms. My dad would never do that.
I convince Karen that she should get rid of her wedding ring from her finger. She was actually engaged to be married when her fiance died a few years ago. Poor kid. But she needs to move on. Physician heal thyself, right?
Still... how convincing am I? I smiled at a girl this morning and had sex twice; drank half a friggin' brewery and got a glass thrown at me by my sex friend; and convinced another to take off her wedding ring and then kiss for a bit.
Holy crap! Two outta three ain't bad! Ashley was always a tough nut to crack... unlike my ribs. Owtch.
Karen wants to have sex with me - and says as much - but is still afraid... as she knows (I think) that I am Mr. Right Now rather than Mr. Right.
Still, she likes me... perhaps too much.
Despite kissing in public, no one seems to notice I smell like Junko - dammit!
How am I able to still be excited... you know... down there? I must be jacked up on goofballs or something.
Kamikoa-san... the Japanese dude responsible for Tochigi-ken JETs wants to talk with me.
He's a very, very nice man, but a lousy judge of character... I mean, I'm completely toast and he wants a private one-on-one meeting.
Crap! It just hits me 47 seconds later! Maybe I'm in trouble!
Kamioka-san and I chat for over 1-1/2 hours about my life in Japan and what I think about this beautiful country, and how people are treating me, and what is my favourite drink (sake, for god's sake!).
We also talk about about Susan St. Cyr, the recently elected Tochigi-ken JET leader, who has apparently also just left the programme and the country. Wow... did I know that?
Kamioka-san asks me to please take over as the Tochigi-ken JET leader.
You could have knocked me over with a feather.
Really.
I am so drunk. I drank a lot of friggin' beer. It has to be Kirin Lager.
So... I did what any irresponsible, drunk, horny guy who just assaulted a woman (and was duly assaulted back, with good reason) did... I bowed, thanked him profusely and humbly turned him down.
I tell him I am too busy as the editor/photocopier of the prefectural newsletter, The Tatami Times.
I'm a journalist by trade, and obviously, if you are reading this, you know I like writing.
But... truthfully, and I don't tell Kamioka-san this... I can't see how being the exalted leader of Tochigi-ken was going to get me laid.
In fact, doing JET business with other nerdy JET people (since arriving in Japan, I'm no longer a freaking nerd!), was going to cut into my sex gorilla act. For crying out loud! I was nearly 26-years-old before I found a woman who would sleep with me. I'm now over double digits in different women, and now someone wants me to be more responsible because everybody loves me. Except Ashley. And maybe Stephanie. There's probably a few more.
I've been a wallflower all my life. I've only recently come out my shell. I have no idea how to act, and often finding myself simply reacting to situations.
I'm the right guy at the wrong time.
At least that's how I look at. Ego? Oh yeah... the me of 1991 was one egotistical pair of testosterone driven testicles. While realizing I wasn't quite god's gift to women... I was okay-looking, but blessed with a very large... sense of humour and charm, I now realized I could get any woman I darn near wanted... only it had to be on my terms now.
I wonder if the JET leader got any money for this gig?
No! I need my freedom to sleep around.
While I am so fu-reaking blown away by the honour - Kamioka-san was surprised I turned him down, noting they didn't have another option... as they had heard I always did anything I was asked.
True... but I've been suffering a lot of burnout from shy Shoko, nasty Ashley dumping me, than agreeing to sleep with me every now and then, to being stalked by the nasty, sexy Junko... I just want... I have no idea what I want, but leading Tochigi JET is not it at this very drunken moment.
Yes... dear reader... despite hearing myself slosh around with booze as I move... I kept damn fine accurate notes. It's a blessing that I never get hang-overs, and always remember what I have done... except for those few times with Matthew and once with James Dalton and once with Jim... and then that time with that cute Aussie chick... and that other time with the English woman... hmm... I need to either drink less or take better notes.
(Actually... in 2011... you should see me trying to read my drunken 1991 scrawls!)
So... since we don't have a leader, Jeanne has quit as interim leader (okay, I did know about Susan quitting!), and I'm too horny to lead... I have no idea what will happen to Tochigi JET.
I leave the meeting room with Kamioka-san, bow and stumble off to talk with a man. I find CIR (Coordinator for International Relations) Kevin Blackburn... a guy who looks like the biggest freaking nerd you've ever seen, but is in fact, not... him being one of the nicest, funniest people I've yet met. He's just what I need to hang around with. He and I drink beer and sake until 2AM.
I have to sleep in my contact lenses, because I have no idea where my eyes are. I just can't see them.
Somewhere wiping my face,
Andrew ook-ook Joseph
Today's blog title is by Canadian group National Velvet. Betcha thought I was going to do Meatloaf's Two Outta Three (Ain't Bad)!
I always wanted to sleep with Maria Del Mar the lead singer.
I've just finished my date with my ex-stalker Junko - twice and now have to leave her behind (ha-ha) and get on a bus that will take me and the other Tochigi-ken (Tochigi Prefecture) AETs (assistant English teachers) on the JET (Japan Exchange & Teaching) Programme from Utsunomiya University up to Nikko-shi (City of Nikko) where we will learn a bit about the environment of the area.
It will be interesting, but my mind is now heavily tuned in on sex.
I have her panties stuck in my shirt breast pocket and pull it out every now and again to wipe my brow with it. I don't think anyone notices - dammit!
It's just after lunch as we pile onto the coach bus... and true to form for me - the ame otoko (rain man) - it begins to rain, as it always does whenever I travel in this country.
But I don't mind. I just got laid (twice) (yes, I have mentioned it twice... but I think it bears repeating) in a classroom at the school while everyone else was listening to boring old speeches about how to survive in Japan.
I'm pretty sure I have it figured out.
I'm sitting beside Stephanie Chan, a cute Chinese-Canadian girl from Montreal whom I really like... but she is interested in another guy. Come on, Stephanie... smell the apple blossoms from Junko's hair on my chest!
We check into our hotel near the Ryu-zu (Dragon head Falls), partake in an onsen (hot communal bath with some other male AETs), go for dinner and drink heavily. At least I know I did.
I open a ton of bottles with my teeth (a gift), and then steal everyone else's bottles of beer (with permission) and proceed to tie on one of the best or worst drunks of my 26-year-old life.
Excited - depressed, I have no idea. I just feel the need for speed.
After the get-together, Ashley stops by my room. Ash is my ex-girlfriend here, a very attractive 23-year-old from Augusta, Georgia in the US of A. Apparently she and I meshed together perfectly sexually (it's good to be good at something, even if it is only sex), and while she has agreed with herself that I am always around her (she came to my place 5x a week for dinner, for months), and that she needed her space away from me.
Hey... what baby wants, baby gets.
Me? I'm pining for her fjords. I have no idea what that means, but I keep hoping that our current friends-with-benefits status will morph back into boyfriend/girlfriend status.
I can still smell Junko on me... probably because I keep wiping her panties all over my face... even when I see Ashley at the door.
Ash has brought over a 1/2 shot of sake (Japanese fermented rice wine) for me. I down it feeling no pain. I want more but she won't give me any more from the bottle she has. Ash and I boinked for months and months. She knows a half a shot of sake isn't going to do squat for me. I once drank 47 glasses in a contest and then went dancing. One guy passed out at around eight glasses, another in the late teens. The other gent, Arikawa-san and I battled each other to a draw. He, by the way, went to a meeting afterwards.
Achieving hero status with myself, Arikawa-san did have a hangover the next day, while I was fine... except for that damage to my liver and self-respect.
So... what's Ashley's freaking problem? Why come to my room with half (HALF!) a shot of sake?
Here's where your old pal Andrew gets effing stupid. I apologize to the reader, but it needs to be written here if I am to at least pretend I am an honest person.
I grab hold of her arm and tell her I'm not letting go until she gives me more.
She won't.
Finally squirming free from my alcohol-fueled grasp, she moves a few feet away and throws the shot glass at me, hitting me in the ribs.
All I can think is "Bitch!"
She walks off and slams the door to my room... at least she tries to... but the door is spring-loaded and won't allow itself to be slammed. The effect is quite amusing to me causing me to laugh as she storms off. I have no idea where she went. I just don't care.
I'm drunk and I'm horny. A lot of both.
I amble off to go and find Karen, a bubbly redhead from North Bay, Ontario, Canada who arrived a few months ago (Ash and I arrived 15 months earlier). Karen really likes me and glommed onto my mother who had come over for a visit from Toronto three months ago.
My mom really liked Karen, too, and disliked Ashley. Karen was bubbly, Ashley was quiet.
Anyhow.. Karen sucking up to my mom to perhaps get to me (my opinion) put me on my guard. Karen wants a boyfriend, and I just want to sleep with her. I only recently began chasing Japanese women (one has to learn how to talk the talk first... and to be honest, 15 months ago, Ashley helped me lose my virginity). I already have a sex friend in Ashley, why would I want to lose that with a girlfriend... can't I have two sex friends? Or more if I can get back in with Junko?
Man... I'm going to need my mom to send me more condoms. My dad would never do that.
I convince Karen that she should get rid of her wedding ring from her finger. She was actually engaged to be married when her fiance died a few years ago. Poor kid. But she needs to move on. Physician heal thyself, right?
Still... how convincing am I? I smiled at a girl this morning and had sex twice; drank half a friggin' brewery and got a glass thrown at me by my sex friend; and convinced another to take off her wedding ring and then kiss for a bit.
Holy crap! Two outta three ain't bad! Ashley was always a tough nut to crack... unlike my ribs. Owtch.
Karen wants to have sex with me - and says as much - but is still afraid... as she knows (I think) that I am Mr. Right Now rather than Mr. Right.
Still, she likes me... perhaps too much.
Despite kissing in public, no one seems to notice I smell like Junko - dammit!
How am I able to still be excited... you know... down there? I must be jacked up on goofballs or something.
Kamikoa-san... the Japanese dude responsible for Tochigi-ken JETs wants to talk with me.
He's a very, very nice man, but a lousy judge of character... I mean, I'm completely toast and he wants a private one-on-one meeting.
Crap! It just hits me 47 seconds later! Maybe I'm in trouble!
Kamioka-san and I chat for over 1-1/2 hours about my life in Japan and what I think about this beautiful country, and how people are treating me, and what is my favourite drink (sake, for god's sake!).
We also talk about about Susan St. Cyr, the recently elected Tochigi-ken JET leader, who has apparently also just left the programme and the country. Wow... did I know that?
Kamioka-san asks me to please take over as the Tochigi-ken JET leader.
You could have knocked me over with a feather.
Really.
I am so drunk. I drank a lot of friggin' beer. It has to be Kirin Lager.
So... I did what any irresponsible, drunk, horny guy who just assaulted a woman (and was duly assaulted back, with good reason) did... I bowed, thanked him profusely and humbly turned him down.
I tell him I am too busy as the editor/photocopier of the prefectural newsletter, The Tatami Times.
I'm a journalist by trade, and obviously, if you are reading this, you know I like writing.
But... truthfully, and I don't tell Kamioka-san this... I can't see how being the exalted leader of Tochigi-ken was going to get me laid.
In fact, doing JET business with other nerdy JET people (since arriving in Japan, I'm no longer a freaking nerd!), was going to cut into my sex gorilla act. For crying out loud! I was nearly 26-years-old before I found a woman who would sleep with me. I'm now over double digits in different women, and now someone wants me to be more responsible because everybody loves me. Except Ashley. And maybe Stephanie. There's probably a few more.
I've been a wallflower all my life. I've only recently come out my shell. I have no idea how to act, and often finding myself simply reacting to situations.
I'm the right guy at the wrong time.
At least that's how I look at. Ego? Oh yeah... the me of 1991 was one egotistical pair of testosterone driven testicles. While realizing I wasn't quite god's gift to women... I was okay-looking, but blessed with a very large... sense of humour and charm, I now realized I could get any woman I darn near wanted... only it had to be on my terms now.
I wonder if the JET leader got any money for this gig?
No! I need my freedom to sleep around.
While I am so fu-reaking blown away by the honour - Kamioka-san was surprised I turned him down, noting they didn't have another option... as they had heard I always did anything I was asked.
True... but I've been suffering a lot of burnout from shy Shoko, nasty Ashley dumping me, than agreeing to sleep with me every now and then, to being stalked by the nasty, sexy Junko... I just want... I have no idea what I want, but leading Tochigi JET is not it at this very drunken moment.
Yes... dear reader... despite hearing myself slosh around with booze as I move... I kept damn fine accurate notes. It's a blessing that I never get hang-overs, and always remember what I have done... except for those few times with Matthew and once with James Dalton and once with Jim... and then that time with that cute Aussie chick... and that other time with the English woman... hmm... I need to either drink less or take better notes.
(Actually... in 2011... you should see me trying to read my drunken 1991 scrawls!)
So... since we don't have a leader, Jeanne has quit as interim leader (okay, I did know about Susan quitting!), and I'm too horny to lead... I have no idea what will happen to Tochigi JET.
I leave the meeting room with Kamioka-san, bow and stumble off to talk with a man. I find CIR (Coordinator for International Relations) Kevin Blackburn... a guy who looks like the biggest freaking nerd you've ever seen, but is in fact, not... him being one of the nicest, funniest people I've yet met. He's just what I need to hang around with. He and I drink beer and sake until 2AM.
I have to sleep in my contact lenses, because I have no idea where my eyes are. I just can't see them.
Somewhere wiping my face,
Andrew ook-ook Joseph
Today's blog title is by Canadian group National Velvet. Betcha thought I was going to do Meatloaf's Two Outta Three (Ain't Bad)!
I always wanted to sleep with Maria Del Mar the lead singer.
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