Blogging By The Numbers


I though I would share with you some of my thoughts regarding blogging in 2012 - specifically for this site.  

Rife's been good to me so far.

I've whined about the poor rise of this blog, and how I may have prematurely climaxed (never done that before) back in September with 20,292 hits and a luckily named blog about Japan's Miss Universe representatives - and then the downward spiral in October and November.

So, I did what any self-respecting blogger would do - I blogged like I had never blogged before during December with 81 blog entries, and got 15,494 hits. Awesome.

Proving that with more blogging I could get more hits, I then blogged less in January - with the expected results. Well, actually, the opposite of that. January had more hits - reaching 17,078 hits - which is nearly 1,600 more hits in a single month. Cool!

So... fewer blogs equals more hits? Or was there something I was missing?

No... it couldn't be?

Could it be social media at work? Twitter, which I joined in late December (@ASJ47)? Or what about Facebook (http://www.facebook.com/pages/Andrew-Joseph/342880312408481) - I joined that a week ago. One friend. Matthew, of course... but then again, I didn't advertise it, and Matthew was the one who suggested I get on to it.

But no... I can't see such a dramatic rise due to Twitter.

Could it be that the January blogs were simply of better quality and they presented information or stories that people all over the world wanted to read?

That must be it.

Damn.

Now I have to give you guys quality all the time.

You lucky, lucky bastards.

Oh well... more work for me.

Of course, the quality of the blogs will begin again AFTER this one. Ahem.

Somewhere writing,
Andrew Joseph

Honda's New Jet Plane - Updated

There's a news report coming out of Japan stating that the Honda Motor Co. is becoming a jet-setter.

Sure the car has always been a bit of a trendy high-society business, but now it is making jets.

While you shouldn't expect to be able to get the jet engine option for your Honda Accord, Honda has stated it will deliver its first aircraft in 2013 with plans to grab at least 1/4 of the world's market for small business jets thereafter - and it is all according to the company's long-time goal of taking to the skies.

Honda, Japan's No.3 car maker (behind Toyota and Nissan, respectively) and the world's biggest manufacturer of motorcycles and engines, is in the final stages of getting its $4.5 million (¥343,352,180) HondaJet certified.

Plans are afoot to take production of the jet plane up to 80 a year by the first half of 2013.

Diagram of HondaJet interior circa 2007.
Orders have been taking off for the seven-seater HondaJet since it began taking orders back in 2006—over 100 in three days!

Honda says its HondaJet will have, relative to the competition, a quieter engine, 20 per cent better fuel economy and operational costs of two-thirds or less.

Honda Aircraft Company CEO Fujino Michimasa.
In case you were concerned that since 2006 orders for the jet may have taken a nose-dive in light of the plummeting Japanese economy and the crash and burn after effects from the earthquake, tsunami and nuclear facility near meltdown—think again.

This plane's customers are global. And... consider that if your country is sucking the big one economically, there's a country out there reaping the benefits of your sucking. The same for companies and for individuals.

While Honda has not yet commented on an updated number of orders for the HondaJet, Fujino Michimasa (surname first) chief executive officer of Honda's North Carolina, U.S.-based subsidiary, Honda Aircraft Company, states that the company has held a backlog of about three years worth of orders taken through its nine dealerships in North America and Europe, with great interest from China, India, Brazil and the Middle East.

HondaJet cockpit
"I'm very optimistic about our prospects," explains Fujino at the Tokyo headquarters of Honda.  Fujino is actually the gentleman who began Honda's climb into aviation all the way back in 1986.

"We're doing with HondaJet what the Civic did to American cars from the 1960s. Our competitors are still producing with technology from the 1990s," he states, in reference to Textron Inc.'s Cessna and Brazil's Embraer SA , which now dominate the manufacture of the 200-a-year small business jet market.

The Honda Civic automobile has since its introduction in the U.S. in 1973 been one of the best-selling cars - period - known for its reliability, durability and mileage,. It was even one of the reasons for forcing gas-guzzling U.S. car manufacturers to rethink the way it made cars.

Seating behind the cockpit.
While Fujino has been spearheading the Honda rise in the plane market, the idea goes all the way back to Honda Soichiro (1906 - 1991) - the founder of Honda who back in 1917 was inspired by watching the flight of American pilot Art Smith demonstrate his bi-plane's aerodynamic abilities. Was he inspired? Honda also enjoyed hang-gliding, and ballooning until the age of 77, and maintained his pilot's license as well.   

Featuring a jet engine manufactured via a joint venture between Honda and General Electric Co., the HondaJet expects to have operational costs of about $1,000-$1,200 an hour, compared to the competition which has a best of $1,800.

The inexpensive cost of the HondaJet could, in fact, make traveling in a group of five or six cheaper and more efficient than flying commercially between small cities.

In anticipation of the HondaJet zooming down the runway and turning a profit by 2018, Fujino has said Honda Aircraft will add 300-350 factory staff to bring its total workforce to around 1,000 in the first half of 2013.

Rear seating of HondaJet.
Japan - It's A Wonderful Rife might state that for Honda, the sky is the limit... but something tells me that it might not be. Space... the final frontier... 

Files compiled by Andrew Joseph
And... thanks to the heady knowledge of one astute reader, I realize that the Honda Aircraft Company is located in North Carolina - the birth place of aviation, as the the Wright Brothers flew out of Kitty Hawk there! Cheers Anonymous for the smack to the back of my head and correcting my error!

Japanese Auto Parts Supplier Conspiracy

Japanese auto parts suppliers admit to price-fixing.
It's from the Los Angeles Times... read their report HERE.

Andrew Joseph


LEGO Gets Help From Japan


Did you know that LEGO - the iconic Danish building block toy manufacturer has been teaming up with Japan? I sort of did.

But this partnership goes beyond the usual "Hey, can you manufacture our parts for us in your country so that we can save on shipping but still charge the same amount of money?" relationship that exists worldwide.

LEGO is now working with Japan's CUUSOO System website, a subsidiary of the Japan-based Elephant Design to use LEGO customer ideas to create LEGO models.

Wow. I used the word LEGO three times in that sentence.

Customers are invited to submit ideas for a LEGO model, and any idea that gains 10,000 supporters could be chosen to become part of the product line.

Sugoi! (Great!) 

Aside from bragging rights of having YOUR idea become a LEGO model, those who have their idea chosen will also earn one per cent (1%) of the total net sales of the product.  

CUUSOO, which means either 'imagination' or 'wish' in Japanese depending on the context is a part of Elephant Design Co., Ltd., headquartered in Tokyo, Japan and was established in 1998. It has worked with open innovation and crowd sourcing for more than 10 years.

Via its CUUSOO website owned by CUUSOO System Co., Ltd., it has worked with the LEGO Group since 2008 on a Japanese website that has attracted hundreds of ideas and seen thousands of votes cast by a 20,000-strong community.

Known as an idea collection system, LEGO has released one model with another out shortly that are or will be sold in LEGO brand retail stores, as well as on the LEGO online shop... though I have to admit that it does vary by country, as I have yet to see it available in Canada - except through E-bay (Ka-ching! It's not cheap!). Personally, I think for the first product released, it was only in Japan.   

The first Japanese LEGO CUUSOO product was the Shinkai 6500 submersible (see photo above) that went on sale in Japan in February of 2011. Click HERE for information on the real sub.

The second Japanese LEGO CUUSOO product is the Hayabusa unmanned spacecraft that will be launched soon in the first quarter of 2012.

Hayabusa unmanned spacecraft

The real Hayabusa spacecraft was developed by the Japan Aerospace Exploration Agency (JAXA) and actually landed on an asteroid to take samples before returning to Earth in 2010. Awesome! More information HERE.

“Our fans and consumers have proved time after time that they have great ideas that can lead to products,” says Paal Smith-Meyer, head of the LEGO New Business Group.

“We have worked with our consumers in the past and continue to do so, for example in the LEGO Architecture series, which we developed with an architect and LEGO fan. LEGO CUUSOO is an attempt to gather more great ideas while streamlining the way we innovate and become inspired.”

“We see this as an investment in the future rather than for immediate sales gain. We are moving from a local Japanese pilot to see if the model is sustainable. We were pleased with the initial results, but we need to see how it will perform on a global platform with global distribution,” he explains.

So... if you have an idea for a new LEGO model, why not try and get it made? No longer just limited to Japan, the world is now LEGO's oyster.

Visit LEGO CUUSOO and make your dreams a reality.

Andrew Joseph

Should I Stay Or Should I Go


It's Tuesday, November 21, 1991 and I'm at Kaneda Minami Chu Gakko (Kaneda South Junior High School) all this week.
Because of school exams, it's slow for me... I'm not needed, too much. So... what to do? I study Kanji (Chinese-style alphabet) and practice writing it and learning the definitions. I get another 50 under my belt to take me up to exactly 150 learned.
I have no idea how to utilize this stuff in a sentence, but at least it is learned, and the Nihonjin (Japanese) teachers around me seem impressed that I am finally trying to learn their language, rather than always trying to get people to speak mine - which is kind of my whole reason for being here, but I know what they mean.
I also think about home - Toronto, Canada.
Should I stay or go home?
I think I'm going to stay for a third year. It seems like a big thing to have to decide now - especially since I am only in month 16 - not even the half-way mark of my second year... but I do love it here.
The people. The culture. The atmosphere. The fact that I live on my own. Good friends. The women - oh, man... the women.
I might indeed be happier without women in my life, but my life would sure be a whole hell of a lot more boring. Besides... I think Japan has enough monks.
I write a letter to Doug (my taxi driver mentor back in Toronto) and to Kristine (my confidante and woman-friend for whom I would kill a yak for if it would make her fall in love with me) who lives 500 kilometers to the west of me in Shiga-ken.
To both, I describe my job and duties here - and strangely enough, it doesn't seem like much.
Maybe I previously had a higher opinion of my work and self (Uh... not if you re-read the diary!)
Anyhow... I get to go home early again. The phys-ed teacher - Takano-sensei - a young, handsome guy who also teaches kendo, gives me a ride home. His English is friggin' perfect! I'm totally surprised!
He only previously spoke to me in choppy sentences - and now I find out he's fluent?!
I go home and then ride out to Books Time to rent some videos.
Ashley, my ex-girlfriend and sometimes friend-with-benefits, comes over. She give me some onigiri (Japanese rice balls - kind of like a reverse bit of sushi), and we talk and watch TV until 11PM.
Suddenly I'm giving her a naked back massage - but at 12AM before anything goes too far she says she has to go home.
No problem - I'm used to not finishing what other's start - and besides... it's a Tuesday and we both have work tomorrow.
I ride with her the 25-minutes back to her place. She wants me to stay while her bath heats up, but now I'm tired and tell her I need to go home despite her wanting me to now spend the night.
I ask her if everything is okay... I mean... she never has come over on a Tuesday before... and her staying up past midnight on a weekday is unheard of! She's usually sleepy by 9PM! And why so friendly? And why didn't Andrew get a happy ending again? Yes, I'm leaving, but too much is 'off'.
I asked her if she was homesick or if there were family problems, but no... she said she was fine.
Crap.
There's is nothing worse than a woman who says she is fine.
But... I'm not feeling like I need to know how fine she is right now.

Somewhere staying but going,
Andrew Joseph
By the way... the onigiri above - cool how it is supposed to look like the Japanese flag, eh.
Today's blog title is by The Clash:

3D Porn? Why Wasn't I Informed?!

Okay, perhaps I am more upset about not knowing of the existence of 3D porno movies than I am of the fact that Tokyo cops have recently grabbed uncensored - and thus illegal - porno DVDs in an Internet sale crack down.

I know crackdown should be one word.

Anyhow... for that exciting news story, visit the Tokyo Reporter: HERE

Cheers
Andrew Joseph

Baby Face Ninja

Here's a crappy quality video, but very funny, nonetheless, of a baby doing some cool Ninja moves.

VIDEO.

Cheers
Andrew Joseph

Miss Universe Japan 2012 Contestants

Because I love you all sincerely - really - and note how much all of you seem to like clicking on my Miss Universe entries
(I won't mention your fervor for my teenaged prostitute blogs, though), I thought I would share with you a link on the gorgeous young women who will be vying for the upcoming 2012 Miss Universe Japan title. Twenty-four of them! With pictures!

We're getting to the point in time in my life where seven of these women could indeed have been fathered by myself.

I don't know if that depresses me or energizes me. Actually, I think it energizes my depression. Regardless... have a look and see for yourself...

On looks alone (because we can not judge them on anything but a single photo apiece), who is your favorite?
Me? None of yer damn business.

Okay... I like  - for their smiles - Miss Miyagi, Miss Gunma, Miss Okinawa (B), and Miss Saitama, but for sheer elegance, I like Miss Hokkaido (B). But who knows? Maybe their talent is awful, or they have a voice like a cat stuck in an elevator, or they have a fashion malfunction during the actual event... like, when I look the photos of Miss Hokkaido (B), Takahashi Yuna, I can see the hint of her black undergarment peeking out at the top from under her lovely white dress. Sexy, yes. Not dressed perfectly, yup. Deduction. Fortunately she has months in which to find someone new to dress her properly.

But they are all gorgeous. I wouldn't kick any of their mothers out of bed for eating rice crackers. Yes... I said their mothers. I am old enough to be their dad, after all...

Ugh.

See the MUJ 2012 CONTESTANTS.

By clicking on the photos, it will open up and show you six photos of each, plus their name, height, date of birth and if you can read Japanese, a short bio. If not, may I suggest Google Translate for an estimation of the what the women have to say.     

The 2012 Miss Universe Japan pageant will take place on Sunday, April 1, 2012 at the Grand Cube Osaka. Be there or be square. Get it? It's because it's at the Cube. 

Cheers
Andrew Joseph 

Godzilla Haiku #9


I am Godzilla!
When you hear me roar - cower!
You are my plaything.

By Andrew Joseph

LEGO: Japanese Feudal Village

Since it's obvious I like LEGO and Japan, I've recently begun combining both passions.

For nearly eight months, I have been building a few dioramas - vignettes, if you will - of my take on what life was like in Japan back in the Edo jidai - between 1603 - 1868.

It's a romantic time of samurai and ninja when few gaijin (foreigners) dared land upon its shores.

Of course, there's that view and then there's reality.

There must have been some civil warfare, death, destruction, natural disasters, murders, rapes and worse going on... but there was also just life. The life of a villager. I blame a recent viewing of the Seven Samurai (1954) movie (it actually takes place in 1587) by Kurasawa Akira (surname first) that of course inspired the western version known as The Magnificent Seven.

With the exception of one man with swords, and a burial mound fit for a samurai - just to remind everyone who has the power - I have kept things simple. 

Below is my depiction of life in a small village. My favorite aspect with in the images below is the yana... the lazy bamboo contraption used to catch fish on a running river just below the small waterfall. Lazy, yes. Brilliant? You better believe it.

But, as evidenced by the lemon tree in the scene... when life gives you lemons, you make lemonade.

I have no idea if there were lemons in Japan back then. But this is just my view and is not a historical recreation. Pretend they are yellow plums, if you like. Nawww... I just looked it up... there are Japanese kabosu - lemons!

Anyhow, this diorama is 15-1/8 inches wide by 15-1/8 inches long and at its tallest point - the samurai grave hill - it is 6.0 inches high. And... every single brick used to construct the village and the waterfall was purchased through the Toronto west LEGO store's pick-a-brick wall at Sherway Gardens. Thanks people for actually listening to my requests of getting in those hard-to-find  palisades (log) bricks I used to construct the buildings!  

I have also finished another miniature diorama to be shared with you all shortly, and am now working on one other... diorama. While a simple one to create, I need to wait a bit until I can get a few  more parts.

After that? Well... there is another larger diorama that is completed... but I am unsure if it really is. Every one of my other dioramas was finished months ago, and then I deconstructed it to make it a little better. Heck... even this below was done finished three months ago.

I'm scaring myself as now I think I want to try and link them all together some how. That will mean a few more linking scenes.

I am so screwed in the head sometimes. I start a project and have to see it through to completion. It's the complete opposite of my wife, or so I have discovered over the past few years. I've always finished projects previously, but now I think I am driven to do so even more. Hell... while some of the barrels contain blue LEGO to represent water, I used real uncooked rice grains in the rest. I suppose I should have placed covers on the barrels, but I wanted to show off to myself for being clever.

Of course... I actually love to create. It makes me feel happy.

Enjoy a peek into my happy brain... and have a glass of lemonade.



これで、LEGOの日本封建村を残している。
訪問してあなたに感謝します。
戻って来る



In case you were wondering, I used Google Translate to say: 
You are now leaving the village in feudal Japan LEGO.
Visit, thank you.
Come back.

Hopefully it worked better when I translated from English to Japanese than it did to translate from Japanese to English. Still... the understood meaning is.

アンドリュージョセフ
Andrew Joseph

Ninja And Scrabble

Ninja are easy to define, but difficult to see coming. Photo: Andrew Joseph
God help me, but I thought this was all quite amusing.

Ninja and Scrabble... my favorite board game. Scrabble that is, not Ninja.

Although I should state for the record  - and under no duress at all - that I actually like Ninja... not that I have ever seen one or even believe they exist except as dust in the wind.

Although, I did date one. Shinobu... whose name translates into Ninja Girl. She, though very nice and pretty probably could not have played Scrabble to save her life.

But that's not what this is all about. This blog is all about the perils of playing Scrabble with a Ninja and just like in Star Wars, "Always let the Wookie win". Enjoy.

Ninja enjoy being the Ninja stars of Scrabble:

An underlying theme seems to be a decided lack of sportsmanship.

But still, the Ninja possesses an uncanny desire to win - at all costs.

It's a good bet that even should you win the game, you may lose.


Compiled by Andrew Joseph
My name is worth 28 Scrabble points, unaided.



Stupid People

I am not Japanese.
I no longer live in Japan.
I am a Canadian living in Toronto, born in London, England from parents born in India. I know next to nothing of India, have never been there, don't speak the language and have only recently started eating the food in the past 12 years because my wife who is of Swiss-German ancestry likes it.
Canada, in case you were wondering, is considered a multi-ethnic country. People from all over the world come here because we have a high standard of living, excellent health coverage, excellent schools and are generally quite the safe country that doesn't go out of its way to try and rule the world with its ideologies. We also welcome people from other countries, and don't expect them to conform. At least nowadays. When I was a kid, it was expected... and really... I have always wanted to fit in and be liked by everyone, so no problem in being more Canadian than the Canadians for me! 
Japan... Japan is a homogeneous society. There are a lot of people from Japan living there... and slowly but surely, it is gaining a bit of multi-ethnicity. India is probably the same way, but honestly... I've never been there, so I can't say for sure.
England has long been a bastion of multi-ethnic personality, but judging by the racist taunts still to this day being screamed out at soccer matches, sometimes you have to wonder.
Canada, by the way, is not without its racism. It's just usually there without it bubbling to the surface as often as it does in other so-called civilized countries. Though recently some hockey players have been severely chastised for making racists comments to other non-white players.
No place is perfect.   
When I began writing my Japan - It's A Wonderful Rife blog, it was done so to show how naive I was about Japan... to poke fun at Japan while also poking fun at myself. This was in 1990... and I stopped in 1995 when the English magazine in Japan couldn't afford to pay me anymore.  
Nowadays, thanks to this blog, I still get to poke fun at myself and Japan, but I also get a forum to show off some creative work of my own and of a few other writers I respect. I also try to provide some current events with a bit of a personal viewpoint, and also offer my perspective on the wild and wacky ways of Japan.
I also like to write about history.
As a child I would pore over books about WWII and learn as much as could about the dark side of human nature - like the Nazis and the Japanese during this bloody war.
But... as young as I was (I first began reading up on this topic as an eight-year-old), I never hated anyone for their part in the past. I may have been horrified, but hate? No.
I guess my parents raised me well. And I listened.
Which brings me to my point.
I recently wrote a blog entry about Unit 731, a nasty Japanese medical unit that experimented on human beings. The people who did so were, in my opinion, less than human themselves, and will, if there is a God, have to answer to a higher being one day.
However, I wrote the piece not to vilify Japan or the Japanese people, but rather to inform my readers about a part of Japanese history that is not very well documented let alone discussed. Japan is indeed ashamed, but would rather it just go away from the media so no one has to talk or think about it again.
I think I did a pretty good bit of work on it. I took weeks to create the blog, trying to ensure I got the facts correct in order to bring whomever that reads it the correct facts, without me preaching to anyone.
And yet - a couple of days a go, I received a disturbing LOC (letter of comment) from a reader.
I read everyone's comments. Part of being an ego-maniac writer, I suppose. I'm not a great writer (or apparently a great ego maniac), but I enjoy telling a story and I think tell a story well.
Any way... the comment writer simply yells that—and I'm paraphrasing here—that the Japs are all dumb evil fugs and they should all die, and that I (me) am probably also a dumb Jap and that I should go and fug myself and die.
Okay... mister brave anonymous writer... but did you like the piece?
I know that many people write in as an anonymous person and that's cool.
But if you are going to make such inflammatory, racist comments, at least have the guts to tell us your real name.
What's the matter? Afraid people won't like you for your opinion? Dude (and you are obviously male), your opinion is your own, and is always correct - even if you aren't.
You are welcome to your opinion, ignorant though it may be to me, and I don't have to like it.
You are also entitled to not like what I wrote. But all I did was write about a point in time in history. In fact, if anything, I put the Japanese down.  
Mister Anonymous writer... you are an ignorant little man.
Grow up, stop raping your sister and move out of your parent's basement.
That's what I would like to say, as I am thinking about your poor sister here.
How is it that in the year 2012 we still have such hatred for one another? Poor parenting? Retardation of social skills? Ignorance of what year it is?
Dude... maybe you should also hate America? Didn't it steal land from the natives living there? Smallpox in blankets? Trail of Tears? There's plenty of examples. What about the interning of American and Canadian citizens in the US and Canada during WWII just because they happened to be of Japanese descent? They were citizens of their respective countries! Except for the Natives and Aboriginals, all Canadians and Americans ultimately came from somewhere else! And, if we go back even farther in history, the Natives and Aboriginals are also from somewhere else!    
What about the whole independence from under the British rule - you know, the US declaration of Independence? Were not all of the men and women for it traitors? Was it not treason? Doesn't the US hang people like that?

Dude... it's history.

Learn from it and make sure it doesn't happen again. You can hate the people involved in Unit 731, but don't condemn millions of Japanese people 80 years later for the ignorance and stupidity of others.

Grow up.

But really... you never said if you liked my article on Unit 731 or not.
Ahhhhh, it doesn't really matter, though.
If I was to judge you by your past history of opinions, it would be obvious that your opinion isn't even worth a wad of spit.

Somewhere on his horse high high horse, 
Andrew Joseph
PS: And Mike... I'm taking your advice - it begins here and with my last comment on the Japanese Teenaged Prostitution blog entry, currently ranked number one with a bullet as my most popular blog again this month.
PPS: Why are the haters coming out this week? I'm on nicotine withdrawl for two weeks and am not very pleased with the world right now. Seems like a good time to let my real effing voice out. 

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How To Survive Women - Now With More Junko!

Hey! My blog on how to date Japanese women was recently picked up by a friend of mine, Mister Manfred Mann and posted to his How To Survive Women blog. I've known Manny since we were teenagers, and as such, I have been following his first foray into writing since he told a couple of weeks ago that I better or he was calling in a loan.

Conniving bastard that he is, he still should have told me about his blog earlier! It's great!

Anyhow, since I now read everything he writes (writers need their ego stroked every once in a while no matter what Mike or Charles says) - and since then, I've learned a lot about writing and women and even how to dress. It's a good blog and fun to read and all of you loyal readers should follow it - despite the adult warning for some of the blue language he uses, but I wish he would write more often - hint, hint!

I mean - penis sizes from around the world? Thank god I'm not Indian and am instead Canadian! Actually, if I was in India, I'd be a porn star. Ahhhh, but I digress.  

When Manny asked... sorry, Mister Manfred Mann asked if he could use my blog, I updated it for him with some additional pictures.

Now... for those of you who read about my life and crimes in Japan from 20 years ago - well... check out the first photo in this revised version for a peek at someone who looks a hell of a lot like Junko. I did a double-take when I saw her, because... well, despite being one hot babe, she looks like Junko, my sexy secret girlfriend of whom I have no photographs.

Read my blog on that site HERE.

Did I date beyond my means?

Yes, I smile knowingly.  

I still do.

Cheers
Andrew Joseph

Do You Want To Know A Secret?

It's Monday, November 25, 1991 and I'm visiting Kaneda Minami Chu Gakko (Kaneda South Junior High School) in beautiful Ohtawara-shi, Tochigi-ken, Japan.

I'm an assistant English teacher on the JET (Japan Exchange & Teaching) Programme and have been living here in Japan for 16 months pretty much enjoying my time here.

It's the first time in my life to be away from home (in Toronto), and while I have going wild with the women and booze, I've also accepted a high level of responsibility here - going with the flow while making sure I don't completely embarrass myself or Canada or the JET Programme.

I'm an idiot sometimes, but I'm not stupid.

Mrs Yamamoto drives by at 7:30AM to drive me to school.

I really like this school. Quiet kids, but still fun and polite and seemingly intelligent bright-eyed kids who have taken a shine to me as much as I have taken a shine to them.

I have many friends here - strangely, all girls. It's nothing perverse, I can assure you. They just seem to either have a greater handle on English or are just unafraid to chat with me.

I teach them English and about Canada and they teach me Japanese and about Japanese things. This is what the whole experience of JET is truly about. Exchange and teaching.

Unfortunately, my workload is pretty slim this week as it is exam time. Oh well. It also means I don't get to see the kids as much to hang around with and chat. That sucks.

I'm asked to do some English reading for some practice tests during my three classes. I read a passage twice. Once slow, and once fast. The kids who have the English words in front of them are asked to write out a Japanese translation.

It's boring, to be frank, but I don't mind too much if it helps these kids hear real English.

My Japanese teachers of English are generally pretty fluent, but sometimes their accents are harsh and they don't always pronounce the words clearly or properly. There's also the incorrect way they pronounce the letter "L"... a letter that is non-existent in the Japanese language and is often pronounced as an "R".

Yes... this blog title does indeed poke fun at that, but truthfully, I'm not being racist or an idiot... the movie "It's A Wonderful Life" is my all-time favorite movie. You know... it's about a man who feels like his life is a waste of time and before he kills himself is shown what life would be like if had never been born. It brings hope... and whenever I am down, I think about it and smile and stop being a mope.
As well... for this blog - which I first came up with in 1990 when I wrote a monthly column for the Tochigi JET newsletter - the word rife is used for another reason.

Rife implies " a lot of" something.

I had often observed on Japanese articles, a lot of stupid, meaningless English writing - clothing, pens, book binders, etc. There would always be a useless word or two tossed in. In fact, Japan was rife with poor English.

It's why I am here in Japan (in 1991) ... to teach and exchange.

Get it?

I only mention this because some anonymous writer complained that my use of rife in this blog's title made me a complete effing idiot and thus made him smfh.

See? Teach and exchange.

Anyhow... back at school, since I have a lot of free time, I begin studying Kanji (the Chinese-style alphabet used by the Japanese). It's bloody tough, but I now know about 100 Kanji... how to write it properly, and what its definition is.

I'm unsure why, but I am driven home at 3PM - I think it's because the teachers are also doing a lot of the exam work and need to either prepare or need to mark the tests. It's cool. Home is fine.

I watch a couple of rented movies and then head out to my adult night school class. I have about 20 people there - beginners.

I'm not the best teacher - especially since I am teaching them by myself - but I do my best to explain things in simple English and simple Japanese - perhaps so they can be confused in two languages.

We just do some review work - I want to ensure they know the basics and can use them. And you know what... they might be slow, but they provide effort, and I am proud of every one of them!

After class, one of my female students gives me a couple of telephone cards from Kyoto. I have to go there one day soon.

All of the women from my class (17 out of the 20 students) try to drag me out to a coffee shop, but they all drove and I have my bicycle, and it's cold... so I beg off.

I do feel bad about it, but I tell them I will go next week, if they like.

Back home, I nuke a bag of popcorn that I don't have to share for once and watch a third movie for the day.

I go to bed at a respectable 12AM feeling like I actually matter. I haven't felt like that in a while, despite my recent woman exploits.

Somewhere teaching and exchanging,
Andrew Joseph
Today's blog title is by The Beatles, and is the first song where George Harrison got to sing lead. It was written primarily by John Lennon.

Blurry

It's still Sunday, November 24, 1991.

It's a good time to be here in Ohtawara-shi, Tochigi-ken, Japan.

The woman I just slept with an hour ago is my ex-girlfriend. She doesn't seem to have a problem with me sleeping with other women as long as they aren't any other assistant English teachers or Japanese women she might know.

Of course they are, but she doesn't need to know that. Although... I am unsure if she knows about my secret girlfriend Junko who had just spent the night being a very naught kitty with me.

So... it beats me how I'm supposed to top the rest of the day, gentle reader... bear with me and let's find out together.

Ashley and I are on a train south from Nishinasuno-eki to Utsunomiya-eki, where we will change trains and head northwest toward Nikko-shi. It's all about a 1-1/2 hour trip that would only take maybe 30 minutes if we could only go west from Nishinasuno to Nikko... but we can't.

Japanese women are still chatting amicably with Ashley as they can probably smell the sex all over us, while no one talks to me... I'm perfectly fine with that. I've always been a kind of a loner who really needs his alone time, but is probably kind of needy the rest of the time. Hey... it's only pathetic if you don't realize it yourself.

It's a beautiful day out... a little nippy, but it's still nice enough to not need a full on winter coat. I'm content in my sweater and wind-breaker.

Arriving in Nikko, Ashley and I walk up the main street of Nikko to our store - Takamoto's. It's an antique shop we first stopped in over a year ago, and we seem to go back at least once every five or six weeks. I think we keep the owners in business.

Ashley buys a wooden statuette for herself that costs ¥40,000 (~Cdn/US $522.15), while I conveniently forget to write down the prices in my diary for a picture scroll from Takamoto's, and from other shops: three wooden monkeys (a version of THIS),  a noh mask and some x-rated sake (Japanese rice wine) cups (see image at the top!) for my little brother Ben who is seven years my junior.

My contact lenses begin to bother me. I have a scratched cornea and have been wearing an eye patch for about a week now. I have dick-all for depth perception.

Anyhow... Ashley and I have left Nikko and arrived back at Nishinasuno. After riding her back to her place, I ride my bicycle back to my apartment in Ohtawara.

  • It's now 6PM.
  • It's pitch black outside.
  • My contact lenses are bothering the hell out of me.
  • My eyes are watering.
  • I'm wearing a black eye patch.
  • I'm wearing black clothes.
  • I have a broken bike light.
  • The streets have no street lights.
  • It's freezing cold.
  • It's windy.
  • And there are assholes driving on the road.
  • Said assholes drive with their high beams on.
  • There are a lot of assholes.
Somehow I make it back home and peel off my contact lenses and put on my glasses.
Despite my apartment still smelling of apple blossoms, sex and latex, I have no desire to have anyone come and visit me secretly this evening.

Okay... I can't lie to you. I do wish Junko would come by. 

I sit and watch some television and some videos sent to me by my brother.

I call up Ashley and ask her is she wants to celebrate US Thanksgiving  on Thursday (the proper date) or to wait a day and do it on Friday. It's no big deal to me... I'm from Toronto, and our Canadian Thanksgiving is a month earlier.... which Ashley never gave a crap about. At least my buddy Matthew and Kristine called to wish me. Why am I sleeping with Ashley?

Anyhow... Ashley says we can wait a day. Next Friday. Cool.

I jokingly ask her if she wants me to cook her a lasagna again (like I did this past Friday) for her, but she seems to waffle...

If she were Japanese, she would be sucking air through her teeth.

Somewhere I have eyes but can not see,
Andrew Joseph
Today's blog title is brought to you by Puddle of Mud:


Japanese Packaging #2

I like packaging.

I like dogs.

I sometimes even like packaging for dog products.

But this package from Japan leaves me dragging my butt across a carpet.

While it certainly leaves little to the imagination, I really do understand what its for despite not knowing how to read Japanese.

Perhaps it is because most of the package is in English or perhaps it's because of the awesome graphic image.

Poopy Picker... the one touch cleaner bag that promotes good manners good dog life.

I must say it, that this bag of dog poop bags inspired me to change my blogs description under the Japan - It's A Wonderful Rife header.

Thank-you Poopy Picker!

It's not only a good dog life, it's a wonderful rife.

I wonder if it comes in Rottweiler-size (I've owned four - three at the same time!), or god help me, Chocolate Lab-size  and not just toy Japanese dog size? My Lab, Buster, sure does eat a lot of things he shouldn't! And, by the cartoon visual on the package, it sure seems like I can see exactly what's in the bag and thus what Buster should not be eating.

Woof-woof!
Andrew Joseph 
Another blog HERE with some more cool Japanese packaging!

Craft beer from the Land of the Rising Sun



Shigeharu Asagiri loves beer so much he has even brewed it by the light of the moon.
He’s not a bathtub hootcher with vampiric tendencies, but the boss of Japanese microbrewery Coedo and a man committed to putting his craft beer on the map, no matter what it takes.
His nighttime brewing activity came just after the earthquake that rocked Japan’s Tohoku region last March led to frequent blackouts at his brewery just outside Tokyo.
From those difficult days and dark nights, Coedo has continued to make some award-winning beers that are helping to put the spotlight on interesting microbrews from Japan.

Earthquakes and blackouts aside, it hasn’t been easy for Coedo, founded in 1997 by Asagiri’s father-in-law. It wasn’t until prohibitive laws against small commercial breweries were repealed in 1994 that a microbrew scene in Japan could emerge.
Even since then, breaking the chokehold the big four Japanese brewers – Asahi, Kirin, Suntory and Sapporo - have on the domestic and international beer market has been a challenge. What Coedo produce in a year is the equivalent to what just one of the big boys produce in a day.
The taxman in Japan still takes around $2.50 on every liter of beer brewed there, which has led to the big breweries creating cheaper “beer-like” drinks (alcoholic and often additive-rich) and further diluting the market among a local population more familiar with types of sake than varieties of beer.
“For most (Japanese) people, beer is just beer, no one orders it by name; it’s no fun, but it should be,” says Asagiri. “Beer is exciting!”
Asagiri discovered the thrill of beer while backpacking across Europe after graduating from university. After a desk job in Tokyo, he took over the reins of Coedoin 2003; the highpoint for the number of independent breweries in Japan.
That number has been declining since with only around 50 operating microbreweries today, says Asagiri. But if the number of breweries has decreased, the quality of the brews has generally risen. By bringing in a German braumeister to train the Coedo staff and using German and Austrian grains, Asagiri decided Coedo would emphasize quality with its five brews.
Coedo’s beers aren’t pasteurized so strict hygiene is enforced at the state-of-the-art brewery; employees aren’t even allowed to eat natto, a typical snack of fermented soya beans, for fear of bacteria spoiling the beer. The award-winning Beniaka ale also has a nice twist as it is brewed with locally-grown organic sweet potato as one of its ingredients.
But Asagiri is keen to point out that his beer and Japanese microbrews in general shouldn’t be viewed as novelty ales; something they generally were until recently.
From porters to wheat beers and IPAs, many Japanese microbrews are picking up international awards for their quality and getting a higher profile in bars and restaurants away from Japan’s shores.
Hitachino Nest Beer, distinctive with its “kawaii”, or cutesy, owl logo, is sold at over 500 places in New York alone, and Hong Kong distributors have doubled the amount they’re selling in the Chinese city since 2009. Minoh Beer from Osaka is another that is making a name for itself in Japan’s growing craft beer bar scene, regularly picking up World Beer Award medals.
With another Coedo “Oktoberfest” in the town of Saitama planned later this year, Asagiri is convinced real beers with character, allied to a smart bit of lifestyle marketing, will win a place at top tables across the world.
“Our motto is ‘Beer Beautiful.' I want everyone to see real beer that way,” he says.

Atmosphere Above Japan Got Hot Before Earthquake

Looking for an earthquake predictor?
There might be an APP for one that gives you more than a minutes warning thanks to scientists who have found some very interesting data from the days leading up to the March 11, 2011 9.0 Magnitude Tohoku earthquake that devastated the northeast coast of Japan.
While Japan - It's A Wonderful Rife is stating up front that this is preliminary data, Dimitar Ouzounov and other scientists at the NASA Goddard Space Flight Center in Maryland say that in the days leading up to the massive earthquake, the total electron content of the ionosphere increased dramatically over the epi-center, reaching a maximum three days before the quake struck.
They also noted that concurrent satellite viewing found a large increase in infrared emissions from above the epi-center, peaking in the hours just before the quake. That's what the photo image up here to the left represents.
Putting it all together, we know that the atmosphere over the earthquake's epicenter had heated up.  The image representing March 11, 2011 shows it at its hottest on March 10, 2011... (but no actual time stamp is offered) - some hours before the quake.
That's the key... it peaks... ands then goes down.
It all backs up a theory called the Lithosphere-Atmosphere-Ionosphere Coupling model which says that in the days leading up to an earthquake (we'll assume a large earthquake considering there are tiny earthquakes globally every day), the great stresses in a fault where it is about to break or give way, cause the release of large amounts of radon.
Mirror-image shot of nerdy writer and his cool shirt
Radon is a radioactive gas - number 86 on the Periodic Table of Elements - I love my shirt! The radioactive elements glow in the dark! - it is colorless, odorless, tasteless and is the only gas that is radioactive under normal conditions. It is considered a health hazard, and is the key factor in our daily background (ionizing) radiation exposure.
Back to the hard science. Apparently when the radon is released from the faults or during the process of a fault being under stress (I have also been known to release a gas while under stress), it ionizes the air above it.
What the hell does that mean?  Well, water molecules are attracted to ionized air. This causes a large scale condensation of water vapor - It rains. A lot.
But wait... there's more. the actual molecular process of water vapor condensation releases energy in the form of heat. It is this heat that causes the infrared emissions
Cool! Or rather, 'That's hot!' Ugh. I quoted Paris Hilton in a science article where I am trying to sound smart! Failure.
Says Ouzounov: "Our first results show that on March 8, 2011, a rapid increase of emitted infrared radiation was observed from the satellite data."
The infrared radiation emissions affect the ionosphere and its total electron content.
Is this a way to predict earthquakes in the future? Hopefully. Especially if the electron count gives you a three-day window to duck and cover or stand in a door frame or whatever it is you are supposed to do when an earthquake hits. 
It sure beats watching for changes in catfish activity (I think it's swimming - no wait... it's just floating there - treading water - no, it just ate something - no, it just spit it out... it's swimming again - it's the coming of the apocalypse!) or watching how animals suddenly go quiet moments before an earthquake hits. 
Read THIS blog of mine for the facts behind the catfish, and HERE for another on the earthquake APP.
You people think I make this stuff up, don't you? Nope.
Anyhow... in case you are wondering how the heck any one is able to do an electron count, just know that over the past few years, scientists have set up atmospheric monitoring stations in earthquake zones, and are using more than a few triangulating satellites to send back data regarding the state of the upper atmosphere and the ionosphere before and during an earthquake.
Hopefully the scientists are able to use the hot atmosphere data to better predict the locale of earthquakes. Can it predict smaller ones - probably, but I suppose it depends on the sensitivity of the equipment observing the data. 
The March 11, 2011 Tohoku earthquake was a 9.0 Magnitude one. It is the largest to have struck Japan in modern times, so gathering data from the next big earthquake could involve a very long waiting process. 

Files by Andrew Joseph
FYI: the data in this blog was first presented back in May of 2011, meaning scientists were actually pretty quick in analyzing the data, unlike certain blogs. Ahem.

Love Stinks

It's November 24, 1991 - a Sunday - a day of rest for those of the Christian-faith and, I suppose, atheists, Buddhists... hell... I'm sure there are more.... probably most people.... hmmm. Whatever! I didn't get to sleep at all last night thanks to Junko's snoring. Okay, it was more the slapping of skin and the grunting and squealing of pleasure at the top of her lungs even with me clamping a hand over her mouth to stop the neighbors from calling the police to investigate the gaijin murdering some poor young thing with his sadistic knife.
Okay... we were just having noisy, sloppy, wet and warm sex. I'm covered in it. So is Junko.
We're just lying there at around 8:30AM when something goes off in Junko (not me) and she snaps upright and says she has to leave soon because Ashley will be coming over.
How the hell does she know that? Does Junko have my phone bugged? Does she have Ashley bugged? What sort of evil genius am I banging three or four times an evening? Hopefully one who can barely walk.
Nope... she can not only walk, but she can jump, as she leaps from the bed and grabs her clothes from the carpet at the front door and gets dressed there. I get up and follow her and then stand there marveling at how sexy she looks getting dressed.
Guys...  you have probably never really paid attention to what a woman does when she's getting undressed as you are just lying there thinking: "Hurry the heck up!", but ... I encourage you to watch a woman get dressed sometime - even one in a rush - watch the jumping, the rhythmic gyrations, the shimmying, the bouncing... it's truly poetry in motion.
Junko is a poet  laureate and I have enjoyed reading between the lines.
Dressed, she leans in to kiss me good-bye. As her lips are about to touch mine, she slowly drops down to her knees while looking up into my eyes.
We don't have time for that, but she does a good job nonetheless.
It's 8:55AM when she stands up, reverts to a shy Japanese woman, bows, reverts to a clumsy Japanese porn star, bangs her head on my weenis, reverts to a shy Japanese woman, says sorry, stands up and covers her face with her hand and says "Good-bye An-dō-ryu-sensei."
That's me... the peaceful-leader-dragon-teacher.
The door closes, and I can hear her softly make her way down the spiral white painted concrete stairs beside my apartment.
I'm standing there naked and sighing inwardly when I hear foot steps tromping along the hallway to my front door.
Crap! It's Ashley! My ex-girlfriend with whom I am allowed to sleep with when she deems it necessary for herself - we're supposed to go shopping for antiques in Nikko today.
I am so tired... maybe I can make an excuse to not go... and if I can stay here by myself, I am sure Junko will use her spidey-sense and come flying back so that we can continue our marathon of degeneration. Marathon is a Greek town. I'm not tired enough to not do a marathon.
I run back into my bedroom as I hear Ashley insert her key into my lock. I slap on yesterday's underwear and walk out yawning to greet her.
As I lean in to give her a kiss, she pulls away suddenly.
"What's that smell all over you and all over the apartment?"
"What smell?" I ask honestly. I may have a large nose, but it's not known to be able to perceive much of anything. Regardless... it has its uses.
"Did you have some woman over?"
Crap! Need an excuse now, brain!! Hurry!
"Ummmmm..."
That's the best you have?! Crap! Doomed! Dooooooooomed!!!!
"So who was it? Some Japanese woman you picked up at the 4C?"
I nod quietly with my eyes darting from side to side looking for some sort of defensive weapon.
"Anyone I know?"
"No," I whimper as it is obvious no weapon is nearby.
"Good. As long as it's not another AET (assistant English teacher) or someone who knows me."
Wha - ? Is she kidding me? I'm pretty sure everyone I've boinked is either another AET or someone who knows her or both. Hooray for me. It's the problem with being a semi-famous gaijin in a small town. Big fish in a small town any day, baby.
"Everybody knows you, Ash."
"No," she corrects. "Everybody knows you, and thus people know of me."
She goes up on her toes to kiss me.
Okay... I'm up too... just not on my toes.
I think all of that sex in the air is contagious.
An hour later, a very dehydrated Andrew who is badly in need of a shower to wash off the sex scent of two women is happily riding with Ashley, first to the bank and then to the train station in Nishinasuno-machi.
It's weird (or not)... but the scent I have all over me seems to keep all of the guys away from us on the train... but is instantly recognizable by every single woman on the planet for some reason. It also made myself incredibly popular as some sort of sex god, and also made Ashley popular as the woman who made the sex god happy. Poor Junko lives on in anonymity.
For the first time ever, people begin talking to Ashley on the train while completely ignoring the contented me.
If this were a movie, it would fade to black with a locomotive entering a tunnel.
It's only 10:30AM. The day continues...

Somewhere I stink,
Andrew Joseph
Re: the image above... do you think 'polish the car' is an euphemism? You never know with writers! It's a panel taken from Marvel Comics' Teen-Age Romance #86 (March 1962 issue), written by Stan The Man Lee and what looks like art by Gene Colan and Vince Colletta.
Today's blog title is by the J. Geils Band:

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