I'm in the Java Jive dance/drinking establishment in the Roppongi district of Tokyo, Japan and it's 1992. I am indeed an assistant English teacher on the JET (Japan Exchange & Teaching) Programme. I've been here in Japan - at the time of this particular uttering - over 24 months. I live in a very small city called Ohtawara-shi in Tochigi-ken, and every couple of months I go down to Tokyo to unwind. That means drinking, dancing or whoring with whatever good-looking lady I can pick-up.
On this occasion, I am surrounded mostly by other foreign women. I know I came in here with one young lady who had just arrived here a day ago via JET... but I don't see her.
Whatever. I'm 5-11, 175lbs and have hair down past my shoulder blades in a neat pony tail. I'm not the best looking guy in the world, or the smartest or funniest or even nicest... but I am a close number four in all those categories. Just kidding. It's more like number six.
So... it's around 11PM... and I'm standing at the bar drinking a vodka and orange juice (screwdriver) when a good looking young brunette close to my height and built nicely, if not conservatively begins to talk to me.
I should admit that I'm on my 6th screwdriver... toasty but nowhere close to being drunk.
After the preliminaries, she asks me a question for which I respond:
"My occupation? I'm a prostitute. Well, actually - not yet. But I'm going to be. What I'm doing now is trying to find a beautiful woman to help train me on how to best satisfy a woman. I'm reasonably sure I've got it down pat, but it's always good to have some input from someone who would know."
Her response: "That's the most original piece of bullshit I've ever heard!"
My response: (smiling) "Yeah, you're right. Do you want to dance?"
Her response: (smiling): "Yeah."
She spent the night at my hotel and we didn't sleep.
Somewhere I was like Ferris Bueller,
Andrew Joseph
Tomorrow - Andrew's worst pick-up line ever. This blog really is an embarrassment of riches!
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