It's Sunday, November 3, 1991.
The rollercoaster of love, life or whatever b.s. I no longer feel is picking up blinding speed and is throwing me all over the place emotionally.
I effin' hate rollercoasters!
Today, here in Ohtawara-shi, Tochigi-ken, Japan where I've been living for 15 months as an assistant English teacher on the JET (Japan Exchange & Teaching) Programme), well... i (not a typo) wake up confused.
The confusion swirls all around me.
Uncertainty.
How are you Andrew Joseph?
I don't know.
Show I be honest or be like everybody else and lie?
I'm tired. So very effin' tired.
I don't want to do anything but remained curled up in bed.
Should I go home - back to Toronto, Canada? And to what?
What am I doing here in Japan? Do I make a difference? Perhaps, but not in the way I think I should..
Still... I get up. I said I would go to the Ohtawara Cultural Festival again today, so I do.
I don't hate the Japanese - just pretty much everybody else. The Japanese have treated me pretty well, and right now I'm not thinking clear enough to believe anyone else is.
Going to the festival turns out to be a good idea. A student, Matsuda Yukio (surname first) and her 12-year-old friend drag me all over the grounds. I see a lot of my students who act like idiots - and it amuses me to see them act their age - not their Japanese age (which i usually older).
There's a radar gun and a baseball cage there... some boys push me towards it. I grab a baseball, no stretching, wind-up and fire a ball in. Not so good. It was only 94 kilometers an hour. I guess I'm either tired or not that good anymore. Or... I was never as good as I thought I was. Probably all three.
I buy a plant - a two-foot tall berry tree and a plant stand made of bamboo - to turn my place more Japanese and less Andrew from Canada. Yeah... the plant will do that.
I get dragged over to a stage and am asked to give a speech in English that will be translated into Japanese by a man I've never seen before. I'm unsure if he gets the translation perfectly, but he certainly is quick!
My speech was on my view of the Japanese people relative to when I first arrived here to what I think now. I made it up on the spot, but I just speak from the heart, so it's decent.
Obviously, my only impression of the Japanese was the typical Hollywood stereotype of stiff little Japanese business men in pin-striped navy blue suits, carrying briefcases, wearing glasses, black hair, short and no sense of humour. While I am sure the stereotype exists - in spades, I found the Japanese to be quite similar to every other person I have ever met on this planet. No different. No worse. Love of family. Humourous. Hard-working.
All true, of course. And, all part of the JET Programme's internationalization to teach Japan that while it's okay to be Japanese, they aren't that different from the rest of the world.
I have a very long day. Long, but fun.
I go home with much food given to me by Mrs. Matsuda... leave there and ride out to the local video store and rent three movies.
As I am watching a movie, Karen Irwin calls. While I just want to boink her, she is looking for a boyfriend. Right guy, wrong time, Karen.
We chat amicably as I explain that I am quitting the editorship of the tatami Times AET newsletter. I explain to her that I am down on the whole AET thing and why - being snubbed for a party in Utsunomiya last night, and one in Yaita this evening - two parties being attended by my ex-girlfriend Ashley.
I'm unsure if I am pissed off at the snub of if they think I'm not interesting enough!
Cripes! Ashley?! I wrote to friends saying Ashley and I had a personality difference. I had one and she didn't. And yet... here are these other AETs who think she is more interesting than my self.
Karen is worried about me and wants to help. She admits that she really, really likes me, but I explain how I don't wish to take advantage of someone who has been constantly taken advantage of herself.
She says she appreciates that, and hope that we will both be ready for a proper commitment soon.
But despite the appreciations, she doesn't like my forthrightness. Who would?
Still, she makes me promise to call her tomorrow.
She had also begged me to come down and stay with her in Yaita tonight, but I said I wouldn't take advantage and I really don't want to deal with any AETs right now.
And hey! What the hell! She's in Yaita... and there's an AET party in Yaita - so Ashley told me... so why isn't Karen there? What the hell is Ashley up to?
When Karen and I finish talking, I pull the phone out of the wall jack.
I'm not calling her tomorrow.
I need to make a clean break with reality today.
Somewhere, my brain hurts,
Andrew Joseph
Today's blog title is by Led Zeppelin.
The rollercoaster of love, life or whatever b.s. I no longer feel is picking up blinding speed and is throwing me all over the place emotionally.
I effin' hate rollercoasters!
Today, here in Ohtawara-shi, Tochigi-ken, Japan where I've been living for 15 months as an assistant English teacher on the JET (Japan Exchange & Teaching) Programme), well... i (not a typo) wake up confused.
The confusion swirls all around me.
Uncertainty.
How are you Andrew Joseph?
I don't know.
Show I be honest or be like everybody else and lie?
I'm tired. So very effin' tired.
I don't want to do anything but remained curled up in bed.
Should I go home - back to Toronto, Canada? And to what?
What am I doing here in Japan? Do I make a difference? Perhaps, but not in the way I think I should..
Still... I get up. I said I would go to the Ohtawara Cultural Festival again today, so I do.
I don't hate the Japanese - just pretty much everybody else. The Japanese have treated me pretty well, and right now I'm not thinking clear enough to believe anyone else is.
Going to the festival turns out to be a good idea. A student, Matsuda Yukio (surname first) and her 12-year-old friend drag me all over the grounds. I see a lot of my students who act like idiots - and it amuses me to see them act their age - not their Japanese age (which i usually older).
There's a radar gun and a baseball cage there... some boys push me towards it. I grab a baseball, no stretching, wind-up and fire a ball in. Not so good. It was only 94 kilometers an hour. I guess I'm either tired or not that good anymore. Or... I was never as good as I thought I was. Probably all three.
I buy a plant - a two-foot tall berry tree and a plant stand made of bamboo - to turn my place more Japanese and less Andrew from Canada. Yeah... the plant will do that.
I get dragged over to a stage and am asked to give a speech in English that will be translated into Japanese by a man I've never seen before. I'm unsure if he gets the translation perfectly, but he certainly is quick!
My speech was on my view of the Japanese people relative to when I first arrived here to what I think now. I made it up on the spot, but I just speak from the heart, so it's decent.
Obviously, my only impression of the Japanese was the typical Hollywood stereotype of stiff little Japanese business men in pin-striped navy blue suits, carrying briefcases, wearing glasses, black hair, short and no sense of humour. While I am sure the stereotype exists - in spades, I found the Japanese to be quite similar to every other person I have ever met on this planet. No different. No worse. Love of family. Humourous. Hard-working.
All true, of course. And, all part of the JET Programme's internationalization to teach Japan that while it's okay to be Japanese, they aren't that different from the rest of the world.
I have a very long day. Long, but fun.
I go home with much food given to me by Mrs. Matsuda... leave there and ride out to the local video store and rent three movies.
As I am watching a movie, Karen Irwin calls. While I just want to boink her, she is looking for a boyfriend. Right guy, wrong time, Karen.
We chat amicably as I explain that I am quitting the editorship of the tatami Times AET newsletter. I explain to her that I am down on the whole AET thing and why - being snubbed for a party in Utsunomiya last night, and one in Yaita this evening - two parties being attended by my ex-girlfriend Ashley.
I'm unsure if I am pissed off at the snub of if they think I'm not interesting enough!
Cripes! Ashley?! I wrote to friends saying Ashley and I had a personality difference. I had one and she didn't. And yet... here are these other AETs who think she is more interesting than my self.
Karen is worried about me and wants to help. She admits that she really, really likes me, but I explain how I don't wish to take advantage of someone who has been constantly taken advantage of herself.
She says she appreciates that, and hope that we will both be ready for a proper commitment soon.
But despite the appreciations, she doesn't like my forthrightness. Who would?
Still, she makes me promise to call her tomorrow.
She had also begged me to come down and stay with her in Yaita tonight, but I said I wouldn't take advantage and I really don't want to deal with any AETs right now.
And hey! What the hell! She's in Yaita... and there's an AET party in Yaita - so Ashley told me... so why isn't Karen there? What the hell is Ashley up to?
When Karen and I finish talking, I pull the phone out of the wall jack.
I'm not calling her tomorrow.
I need to make a clean break with reality today.
Somewhere, my brain hurts,
Andrew Joseph
Today's blog title is by Led Zeppelin.
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