But, I suppose you want to know how, which is why you are here... and I have, in my day, done a lot of 'dating' of Japanese women.
There is a trick, you see. Ah... but read on. perhaps you will learn something.
Looking within the Internet, there are many sites that purport to help you meet real Japanese women. That's all well and good if you are willing to spend a few bucks, and if it works for you, coolio.
But here... let me break down a few free bits of information I found on-line, and then provide you with a sure-fire way of getting a real Japanese woman. Uh-uh. No skipping ahead. I will know.
I found a survey asking Japanese women between the ages of 20-40 how they rated a man on a first date - or any date for that matter.
First off: there are 40-year-old single Japanese women??!! Who knew?! I figured their parents and Japanese societal pressures would have them all married off before they became old maids at the age of 28!! Trust me... that attitude persists nowadays, no matter how brave some people are.
These women were provided with a multiple choice question on what was important to them on a date. Here are the results:
1. Driving - 64.8 per centSo... we're all smart people here. English or Japanese may not be our first language - and that's cool - the world is a great big place, and every body loves real Japanese women.
2. Deciding the type of date - 55.6 per cent
3. Seeing her home - 48.8 per cent
4. Deciding where to dine - 42.6 per cent
5. Paying for the meal - 38.3 per cent
If you want a successful date, you as the man, not only do you need to choose what you are going to do on a date (decide for both of you), pick her up in your white car (that bicycle won't cut it), pay for the meal and everything you do, drive her home (don't have her take a bus, train or cab) - or in other words, there is no such thing as a woman who is 'free for the evening'. The way to succeed according to these women surveyed is to: drive, pay and drop.
Drive. Pay. And Drop. Easy to remember... and it sure sounds a heck of a lot like what men used to do in the old days when they were trying to woo a woman. I have no problem with this. It's old-fashioned, sure... but Japan is a bit old-fashioned sometimes.Your author is old-fashioned, but doesn't mind if a woman wants to pay her own way either.
Japanese men were also asked the same questions - but surprise, surprise... Japanese men - some 65.3 per cent of them - wanted the woman to decided what the date should consist of (walk, movie, drinks, etcetera). while 56.5 per cent also thought it would be nice if the woman would also decide where they should eat.... that way, if they go where they want to go, she's happy and the guy will be too. Few men chose any of the other answers implying they were good with driving et al.
But this only tells you what to do on a date with a real Japanese woman. Not how to meet one or go out on a date with one.
According to Francis K. Githinji, an on-line dating expert (how the hell does one become an expert and have the balls to call oneself an expert?!) the first thing one needs to do is to figure out WHERE you can meet real Japanese women.
He notes that you can meet a Japanese girl at a nomikai (a party attended by friends or co workers) - a place to meet new friends or dates. He says a nomikai can take place at an izakaya (a bar or a cafe). If you are not Japanese (like the expert and your author) you probably have never attended such parties and, they may not be known to you anyway. Besides... the Japanese men don't want you there spoiling their chances of meeting a real Japanese woman.
Aside from teaching English at a night school (why do you think young Japanese women want to learn English? It's to meet people and make new friends, and if he's cute, then maybe something more), or at a bar, Githinji says the best way to meet women is on-lie... I mean on-line. He says you need special preparation if you want your relationship with a real Japanese woman go anywhere.
But, screw the Internet... let's look at what we can do in the real world.
First off, many Japanese women will not admit to having a boyfriend unless specifically asked.
Githinji says that Japanese women (he actually uses the term 'girls' - sorry dude, you don't want a girl - you want a woman!) have, for us foreigners, an exciting mystery in their eyes which makes them irresistible.
"Their culture is one of the most exciting in the world and, you have a lot to gain when you date a Japanese girl. Apart from placing a lot of value on family life, Japanese girls are brought up to show respect in service and humility. Therefore, when dating a Japanese girl, you need to step up and know what to do. First, there is a notion that these girls want to be treated differently. You do not have to furnish your act with traditional ways of winning her. This is because you are dealing with a modern girl who is in touch with her roots and culture. Therefore, you do not have to impress her with extra ordinary displays; she is good feeling like the rest of the human kind. A Japanese girl appreciates courtesy from a man."
That is B.S. as well as correct.
Rule number one when dating a woman - any woman - is that they are people. Woman want to be swept off their feet. Romance. Passion. Physical and sexual attraction. Pheromones. They want what they want. There is nothing so different between a Japanese woman and a woman situated anywhere else in the world. Even if you are in some place in the world where being a great hunter or a fisherman is key, is it really so different from having a good job and being a provider? No. It's all about perspective.
Still... there are some nuances with Japanese women, which has more to do with Japanese society than anything else. Whether you are with a single woman or married woman or your male Japanese buddies, it is imperative that when at a bar or party you take the time to notice when their glass is getting low. On a date, you need to be the type of man who reacts quickly to that glass. It helps build confidence - that you are paying attention to her needs.
Language. It helps if you can speak a few words, as it shows you are willing to make a commitment to her here in Japan. It's the rare foreigner indeed who will spend his life in Japan, but the woman doesn't need to realize that right now. It's simply showing you care enough about the person to learn some of their native tongue.
Hell, when I dated a Russian woman, I learned how to say about 10 key phrases. It was okay, she spoke English, but again, a little effort goes a long way. It was the same for the German chick, the Norwegian, Swiss, French, Polish, Ukrainian, Lithuanian... hell... I've driven my panzer through more of eastern Europe than Hitler did.
Githinji says you should: "Get to know more about her; this will enable you know exactly what she likes and dislikes. You will not have to speculate anymore. To get her attention, show her funny pictures in your cell phone. The pictures can be of your pet or yourself. Offer to send her your pictures from her phone. This will make the mood light as you move on to make a special connection. The key is to be the bigger man who is thoughtful and full of initiative. With these pointers, you should be in a position to get any girl and most importantly, a Japanese girl."
Pretty effin' basic, huh? Seriously... aside from the filling of the glass routine, it was simply doing everything one might do to impress a woman from Spain, Thailand or Australia. Common courtesy.
Anna Santos also put out some tips on how a western man can date a Japanese woman. She doesn't sound Japanese, but who am I to judge. :)
She correctly notes that Japanese dating culture must be looked into when you are considering a date with a real Japanese woman. Research is important - which is what I'm doing here for you with this whole freaking blog these past couple of years.
Says Santos: "To date someone means there is a note for making efforts on knowing each other and establishing the person you want to be known by your date and vice versa. By knowing each other, part of their culture always come on top which can either be amazing or disgusting. Dating can eliminate or maximize differences of two persons. When two persons of extremely opposite background meet, is there any chance that they will start a relationship? The answer must be found starting from the date itself."
Crappy English aside, she makes a point. She talks about the Asian belief (a key part of the Japanese dating culture) on the strong bond between families and the values that the families keep. "Japanese have high respect for elders and parents. They value above all, the concerns of their beloved family members. Hence, one can expect that a date with Japanese women can sometimes be held at their home to make time for conversation with the parents and siblings. The families' comments can have a big influence on any relationship."
Ye cats! A first date at the parent's house? Run away! Run away! Maybe after you've had a few dates - but never the first. You don't need to impress her and her family on the same awkward, scary first date! Chances are very good that during the first date (alone), you will be asked about your family. She'll judge you on your responses regarding the love shared by you and your family. Got a lousy family? Fine - mention it, but talk about how you wish things were different and how you might make it different. Don't be surprised if she tries to convince you to make it better. That's neither here nor there... you can do as she asks or not. This is still the first date.
Punctuality is a major factor in dating in Japan. Regular readers have read about how one person leaves my place and then my secret girlfriend would magically show up at my doorstep. Punctual. As well, I recall a typhoon sweeping across the western part of Japan... a massive sucker. Trains were delayed by five or 10 minutes. The next day the train company put in a full page ad in the national newspapers (English ones too) apologizing for the fact that there was a delay. Typhoon or not. Be punctual on your date.
Santos notes that the manner of dress is important, too. "As seen on television, Japanese people have a very astonishing yet unique clothing fashion. Some men can dress like women, wearing long jackets that can look like skirts yet they look very distinguished and very fashionable. Dress to impress but do not overdo it. Exaggeration is another thing. As the culture of clothing design in Japan has recently come to unparalleled heights, there is always the median eye of the common person to judge whether the clothing combination you have is in or out."
Here's another point Santos examined: work reputation. "If you really want a Japanese girl, make sure that you have a good title and a good working background because this will be totally checked by her. After all, an industrious man is always preferred by girls of every race because it ensures security and wealth."
For your almost humble writer, being a foreigner in Japan is a cause for excitement amongst the locals. As is going over on a business exchange. Bartending versus teaching English... tough one. The bartenders I met were all handsome blokes from New Zealand and Australia - but they were there to screw and make money. Teachers like myself - those that were trying - were there to soak up some culture, make a few bucks and hopefully find love. Oh yeah - and to screw the brains out of the local population. Let's be honest here.
Being a popular teacher with a great sense of humor and getting involved in the local community? Jackpot!
She (Santos) also acknowledges that learning the Japanese language is important. Personally, I did not even try to date a Japanese woman until I felt confident enough in the language so that I could communicate - even at a grade 1 level. Look - chances are pretty good they already know some English, so together, you can muddle around and enjoy each other's company.
Here's some advice I found on another site. To me, it's all pretty general, and can be applied to any culture in the world...
Punctuality is a major factor in dating in Japan. Regular readers have read about how one person leaves my place and then my secret girlfriend would magically show up at my doorstep. Punctual. As well, I recall a typhoon sweeping across the western part of Japan... a massive sucker. Trains were delayed by five or 10 minutes. The next day the train company put in a full page ad in the national newspapers (English ones too) apologizing for the fact that there was a delay. Typhoon or not. Be punctual on your date.
Santos notes that the manner of dress is important, too. "As seen on television, Japanese people have a very astonishing yet unique clothing fashion. Some men can dress like women, wearing long jackets that can look like skirts yet they look very distinguished and very fashionable. Dress to impress but do not overdo it. Exaggeration is another thing. As the culture of clothing design in Japan has recently come to unparalleled heights, there is always the median eye of the common person to judge whether the clothing combination you have is in or out."
Here's another point Santos examined: work reputation. "If you really want a Japanese girl, make sure that you have a good title and a good working background because this will be totally checked by her. After all, an industrious man is always preferred by girls of every race because it ensures security and wealth."
For your almost humble writer, being a foreigner in Japan is a cause for excitement amongst the locals. As is going over on a business exchange. Bartending versus teaching English... tough one. The bartenders I met were all handsome blokes from New Zealand and Australia - but they were there to screw and make money. Teachers like myself - those that were trying - were there to soak up some culture, make a few bucks and hopefully find love. Oh yeah - and to screw the brains out of the local population. Let's be honest here.
Being a popular teacher with a great sense of humor and getting involved in the local community? Jackpot!
She (Santos) also acknowledges that learning the Japanese language is important. Personally, I did not even try to date a Japanese woman until I felt confident enough in the language so that I could communicate - even at a grade 1 level. Look - chances are pretty good they already know some English, so together, you can muddle around and enjoy each other's company.
Here's some advice I found on another site. To me, it's all pretty general, and can be applied to any culture in the world...
- Pick a nice restaurant. D'uh. Ask a few questions beforehand and find out what types of foods she likes. You may assume that Japanese women like Japanese foods - true, but many Japanese young folk love to try out different cuisines, like French and other European cooking. Japanese girls love clean, light, aesthetic dishes, so you need to get more info related to her before you lock onto which restaurant you want to take her to.
- Spent some money to dress yourself up. Most Japanese women like to dress up and groom themselves a particular way. In the same way, they will expect their date to also dress up properly - respect can beget nookie.
- Act like a gentleman. Something like opening car door; moving the seat out for her at a table; hold a door open anywhere... treating her well shows you really care about her. Not only for Japanese women, though - but for all women.... and for god's sake hold a door open for everybody!
- Take your time. Japanese women do not like to rush into anything physical. Don’t pressure her, especially on the first date. Do not make your first date a rush, as Japanese women do not like to be rushed - or any woman for that matter. Did I repeat myself? I tend to rush when I write.
- Understand the cultural heritage of Japan. You can try to ask some questions about her family and how she grew up and what her happiest childhood memory is. Despite the over-worked father who is never around, the amount of school work and the harried mother, the family unit is extremely important to Japanese society.
- Communication can always be a problem when dating Japanese women, but it can be overcome. Teach her new phrases and words in your language - and she'll do the same for you. Ask her what she knows about knows about your country and how she feels about it. In this way, you can teach her more about you and your culture.
So... have you noticed a pattern here on how to date Japanese women? Yes... aside from learning a bit about the language and social customs... you should learn about the likes and dislikes of her and take the lead when it comes to arranging where and when to date. And then treat her with respect. All pretty simple and basic stuff.
To be honest, if you aren't doing this stuff already in Japan or whatever country you are in, you aren't dating a woman very well.
You want my advice on how to get a real Japanese woman - or any woman for that matter? Take an interest in her. Much like when you are buying a car or a new television, you do some research. It's called asking questions and taking an interest.
You also have to ask one out. But how do you know you won't get rejected?
Guys... the first time I met Nobuko Kikuchi (surname last, this one time), I was smitten by that kitten. Gorgeous creature. She was smart - an English teacher at Nozaki Chu Gakko (Nozaki Junior High School) and spoke English as well as I did. I found out her name from another teacher and went over to introduce myself. That done, I went back to my desk and composed a haiku poem for her, walked back to her desk and gave it to her.
To say that she was less than impressed (at least visually) would be a complete under-statement. Somethings, and especially some women, are worth waiting for. That doesn't means sitting on your ass hoping she will call you. It means using everything you have - a sparkling personality, sense of humor, intelligence, charm, good looks, all of the above or only one of the above... or whatever it is that you think is special about you (and please don't say your penis... every man has one... save that for later) and quietly show it off.
For myself, I was lucky that all of the students at this school knew she was pretty and knew I really liked her (probably that drool and wolf eye I have) - so they would constantly talk me up to her even when I wasn't there. Hmmm. I guess I owe them a Coke. Why did they do that for me? Because I had shown them that I was more than just a gaijin (foreigner)... that I was somebody worth getting to know.
She eventually came around - mostly because she realized that if these children loved me enough to stick their neck out, perhaps there was more to me than simply being a slick hustler. That's what she thought I was.
Turns out, I was pretty brash, but a 'diamond in the rough' (her words) and was still pretty nice. I knew I had her when I invited her to my place for dinner and cooked it for her, talked to her nicely, showed her a good time and talked mostly about her. I bet she was really surprised that I made no move whatsoever on her. But... that one kiss she gave me moved the continents closer. That's when I asked if she would like to go out for dinner sometime. She smiled and said she had my phone number.
Cool huh? I never gave her my phone number. She must have asked someone.
Oh... and I didn't have a car. But that's okay. There's nothing wrong with being driven on a date. Women have put up with it for eons.
You too can date a real Japanese woman (or any woman for that matter). Be cool. Be yourself. Don't be in a rush and learn about each other. Respect her and she will respect you.
Good luck in your endeavors.
by Andrew Joseph
PS: Should you be looking for some advice on how to be a man around women, might I suggest you check out my friend Mister Manfred Mann's blog: How To Survive Women. If you aren't careful, you might learn something.
To be honest, if you aren't doing this stuff already in Japan or whatever country you are in, you aren't dating a woman very well.
You want my advice on how to get a real Japanese woman - or any woman for that matter? Take an interest in her. Much like when you are buying a car or a new television, you do some research. It's called asking questions and taking an interest.
You also have to ask one out. But how do you know you won't get rejected?
Guys... the first time I met Nobuko Kikuchi (surname last, this one time), I was smitten by that kitten. Gorgeous creature. She was smart - an English teacher at Nozaki Chu Gakko (Nozaki Junior High School) and spoke English as well as I did. I found out her name from another teacher and went over to introduce myself. That done, I went back to my desk and composed a haiku poem for her, walked back to her desk and gave it to her.
To say that she was less than impressed (at least visually) would be a complete under-statement. Somethings, and especially some women, are worth waiting for. That doesn't means sitting on your ass hoping she will call you. It means using everything you have - a sparkling personality, sense of humor, intelligence, charm, good looks, all of the above or only one of the above... or whatever it is that you think is special about you (and please don't say your penis... every man has one... save that for later) and quietly show it off.
For myself, I was lucky that all of the students at this school knew she was pretty and knew I really liked her (probably that drool and wolf eye I have) - so they would constantly talk me up to her even when I wasn't there. Hmmm. I guess I owe them a Coke. Why did they do that for me? Because I had shown them that I was more than just a gaijin (foreigner)... that I was somebody worth getting to know.
She eventually came around - mostly because she realized that if these children loved me enough to stick their neck out, perhaps there was more to me than simply being a slick hustler. That's what she thought I was.
Turns out, I was pretty brash, but a 'diamond in the rough' (her words) and was still pretty nice. I knew I had her when I invited her to my place for dinner and cooked it for her, talked to her nicely, showed her a good time and talked mostly about her. I bet she was really surprised that I made no move whatsoever on her. But... that one kiss she gave me moved the continents closer. That's when I asked if she would like to go out for dinner sometime. She smiled and said she had my phone number.
Cool huh? I never gave her my phone number. She must have asked someone.
Oh... and I didn't have a car. But that's okay. There's nothing wrong with being driven on a date. Women have put up with it for eons.
You too can date a real Japanese woman (or any woman for that matter). Be cool. Be yourself. Don't be in a rush and learn about each other. Respect her and she will respect you.
Good luck in your endeavors.
by Andrew Joseph
PS: Should you be looking for some advice on how to be a man around women, might I suggest you check out my friend Mister Manfred Mann's blog: How To Survive Women. If you aren't careful, you might learn something.
Posts
No comments:
Post a Comment