Ahhh... the blog I was dreading.
On this, my rollercoaster of life, I am perched right at the top of the highest peak, quietly looking about and enjoying the view.
It's Saturday, November 2, 1991. I live in Ohtawara-shi, Tochigi-ken, Japan. I'm a junior high school eigo-no-sensei (English teacher) on the Japan Exchange & Teaching (JET) Programme in my second year.
I had a girlfriend, Ashley, but we broke up as she felt smothered and wanted her space. Okay... but she used to come to my apartment four or five times a week. For companionship and quite possibly free food. I know by this time I had had maybe five meals at her place. Total.
So... perhaps because she was hungry, and perhaps because she was lonely for someone who knew how to make her clock tick, she and I began sleeping together on a semi-regular basis... friends-with-benefits. I was still free to whore around with whomever tickled my fancy, and she was free to do whatever it is she did best - sleep, I think.
If I sound bitter, it's because I am. Her reasons for breaking up with me were idiotic... but I'll take the sex without the hassle. The problem is that I still want the relationship. I just hate to lose, and the way this one 'ended' it felt like I lost.
Stupid huh? I was too blind to realize I had won. I got the sex and could see other women.
She spent the night - no sex, please... we're friends.
We wake each other up by playing footsie. That's all it was at first, though a deft right hand soon makes sure she's a puddle on my bed sheets. Two puddles, in fact.
She excuses herself to go to the bathroom, and when she comes back, I'm left holding the bag, so to speak, as she is now only interested in snuggling.
We don't kiss because she hasn't brushed her teeth despite the fact she has a toothbrush here at my place. I somehow managed to brush my teeth before we started, but then, I am a considerate bastard.
We eat tacos for breakfast and watch some of my TV videos. It's now 1PM when we dress and leave my place to do some errands. I try to kiss her, but refuses to because of her unbrushed teeth.
I lay into her saying she could have brushed her teeth anytime during the last four hours if she really wanted to. So... now I'm on edge. No sexual release. No kiss. But she got hers and breakfast made by me.
We ride our bicycles out to Iseya, the local department/grocery store as I have top pick-up a sweater from dry cleaning and some film. She has to get some food for her apartment.
As we ride to the store, she says she can't hang out with me tomorrow night. Okay... I knew about the party tonight in Tochigi's capital of Utsuynomiya that she was invited to by fellow AET Dan McCarthy that I was not invited to... so I ask why.
A party?!
Where?
Yaita.-shi (City of Yaita, about 10 kilometers south of my place)
Whose? I thought it might be her friend Karen who wants to sleep with me as a boyfriend only.
Will Gardner!!? Another AET?
In my head I am screaming: I was snubbed again? Just like for Dan's party? No! What the hell is going on?!
As we pull into the Iseya, I tell her to come close to a particular entrance as I'd like to get my dry-cleaning first - but no! Miss High-and-Effing-Mighty continues to ride off to the other side of the store. Now... people who know me, know I have a big, powerful and deep voice. I'm not one for not being heard. Is she lost in her own thoughts again? I hate that! Or is she just trying to piss me off so that she can have her way again at the expense of me? So far, everything points to the later - especially after her behavior this morning at my place.
(Expletive!)
My sweater is still not ready at the dry cleaner, so I storm through Iseya, get my film, politely say hello to some students from Ohtawara Chu Gakko (Ohtawara Junior High School) and then leave the place for home.
Expletive her! I've had it with AETs! Stupid ones, that is!
I go and rent some videos and head home.
I then look at the clock and realize I should go to the Ohtawara Cultural Festival going on across the street at the old tobacco factory.
There I meet Matsuda Yukio (surname first) a student of mine at Ohtawara Chu, who drags me to see her mother. Yukio's mom and Mrs Ono then fight to grab an arm as they lead me to a table and proceed to stuff me full of food and coffee.
Unfortunately, the festival ends at 5PM and I didn't get a chance to see my friend Mr. Mashiko... but he had already come and gone, but had left me some hand-drawn meishi (business cards).
The ladies then buy me some more food and drinks and walk me home, making me promise to come back to the festival tomorrow.
I go home, eat the food the ladies gave me - thank you very much! - watch my videos, labels some envelopes for the Tatami Times AET newsletter. I then phone up Jeanne who is still acting as the prefecture's AET leader and tell her I am quitting as the editor of the newsletter.
Expletive all the AETs. Just let me become Japanese.
Tipping over the edge, the roller coaster slowly begins to gather speed.
Somewhere my thoughts are darker than the night,
Andrew Joseph
Today's blog title is by Pink Floyd. A little background is in order. During my teenaged years, I was picked on and tormented emotionally daily. I hated my life and everybody in it. I know, welcome to the teenaged years. I was never suicidal. Never. But I hated my life. I vowed I would one day be strong. Be a success. Be universal... and I wasn't until I was maybe 24 and finished university and went to Humber College for journalism. For no reason that I know of, standing in line that day to get a student card, I had two strangers - one in front and one behind, chatting to each other about how they had both worked at a paint store - but at different locations. John Hobel in front. Scott Bujeya behind me. I recall the moment. It was that important to me. I suddenly and unexpectedly to myself, joined their conversation. I stopped being shy at that moment and new me was born. No one who knows me would ever suspect that I was ever shy, as I have been told I have a dynamic personality full of vim, vigor, verve, whatever. I never wanted to go back to being shy, quiet and unnoticed... but today's blog showed me that I was... at least by the other AETs - NOT the Japanese! Japan and its people seemed to care. I am not going back to being treated the way I was! And so... I have become comfortably numb.
On this, my rollercoaster of life, I am perched right at the top of the highest peak, quietly looking about and enjoying the view.
It's Saturday, November 2, 1991. I live in Ohtawara-shi, Tochigi-ken, Japan. I'm a junior high school eigo-no-sensei (English teacher) on the Japan Exchange & Teaching (JET) Programme in my second year.
I had a girlfriend, Ashley, but we broke up as she felt smothered and wanted her space. Okay... but she used to come to my apartment four or five times a week. For companionship and quite possibly free food. I know by this time I had had maybe five meals at her place. Total.
So... perhaps because she was hungry, and perhaps because she was lonely for someone who knew how to make her clock tick, she and I began sleeping together on a semi-regular basis... friends-with-benefits. I was still free to whore around with whomever tickled my fancy, and she was free to do whatever it is she did best - sleep, I think.
If I sound bitter, it's because I am. Her reasons for breaking up with me were idiotic... but I'll take the sex without the hassle. The problem is that I still want the relationship. I just hate to lose, and the way this one 'ended' it felt like I lost.
Stupid huh? I was too blind to realize I had won. I got the sex and could see other women.
She spent the night - no sex, please... we're friends.
We wake each other up by playing footsie. That's all it was at first, though a deft right hand soon makes sure she's a puddle on my bed sheets. Two puddles, in fact.
She excuses herself to go to the bathroom, and when she comes back, I'm left holding the bag, so to speak, as she is now only interested in snuggling.
We don't kiss because she hasn't brushed her teeth despite the fact she has a toothbrush here at my place. I somehow managed to brush my teeth before we started, but then, I am a considerate bastard.
We eat tacos for breakfast and watch some of my TV videos. It's now 1PM when we dress and leave my place to do some errands. I try to kiss her, but refuses to because of her unbrushed teeth.
I lay into her saying she could have brushed her teeth anytime during the last four hours if she really wanted to. So... now I'm on edge. No sexual release. No kiss. But she got hers and breakfast made by me.
We ride our bicycles out to Iseya, the local department/grocery store as I have top pick-up a sweater from dry cleaning and some film. She has to get some food for her apartment.
As we ride to the store, she says she can't hang out with me tomorrow night. Okay... I knew about the party tonight in Tochigi's capital of Utsuynomiya that she was invited to by fellow AET Dan McCarthy that I was not invited to... so I ask why.
A party?!
Where?
Yaita.-shi (City of Yaita, about 10 kilometers south of my place)
Whose? I thought it might be her friend Karen who wants to sleep with me as a boyfriend only.
Will Gardner!!? Another AET?
In my head I am screaming: I was snubbed again? Just like for Dan's party? No! What the hell is going on?!
As we pull into the Iseya, I tell her to come close to a particular entrance as I'd like to get my dry-cleaning first - but no! Miss High-and-Effing-Mighty continues to ride off to the other side of the store. Now... people who know me, know I have a big, powerful and deep voice. I'm not one for not being heard. Is she lost in her own thoughts again? I hate that! Or is she just trying to piss me off so that she can have her way again at the expense of me? So far, everything points to the later - especially after her behavior this morning at my place.
(Expletive!)
My sweater is still not ready at the dry cleaner, so I storm through Iseya, get my film, politely say hello to some students from Ohtawara Chu Gakko (Ohtawara Junior High School) and then leave the place for home.
Expletive her! I've had it with AETs! Stupid ones, that is!
I go and rent some videos and head home.
I then look at the clock and realize I should go to the Ohtawara Cultural Festival going on across the street at the old tobacco factory.
There I meet Matsuda Yukio (surname first) a student of mine at Ohtawara Chu, who drags me to see her mother. Yukio's mom and Mrs Ono then fight to grab an arm as they lead me to a table and proceed to stuff me full of food and coffee.
Unfortunately, the festival ends at 5PM and I didn't get a chance to see my friend Mr. Mashiko... but he had already come and gone, but had left me some hand-drawn meishi (business cards).
The ladies then buy me some more food and drinks and walk me home, making me promise to come back to the festival tomorrow.
I go home, eat the food the ladies gave me - thank you very much! - watch my videos, labels some envelopes for the Tatami Times AET newsletter. I then phone up Jeanne who is still acting as the prefecture's AET leader and tell her I am quitting as the editor of the newsletter.
Expletive all the AETs. Just let me become Japanese.
Tipping over the edge, the roller coaster slowly begins to gather speed.
Somewhere my thoughts are darker than the night,
Andrew Joseph
Today's blog title is by Pink Floyd. A little background is in order. During my teenaged years, I was picked on and tormented emotionally daily. I hated my life and everybody in it. I know, welcome to the teenaged years. I was never suicidal. Never. But I hated my life. I vowed I would one day be strong. Be a success. Be universal... and I wasn't until I was maybe 24 and finished university and went to Humber College for journalism. For no reason that I know of, standing in line that day to get a student card, I had two strangers - one in front and one behind, chatting to each other about how they had both worked at a paint store - but at different locations. John Hobel in front. Scott Bujeya behind me. I recall the moment. It was that important to me. I suddenly and unexpectedly to myself, joined their conversation. I stopped being shy at that moment and new me was born. No one who knows me would ever suspect that I was ever shy, as I have been told I have a dynamic personality full of vim, vigor, verve, whatever. I never wanted to go back to being shy, quiet and unnoticed... but today's blog showed me that I was... at least by the other AETs - NOT the Japanese! Japan and its people seemed to care. I am not going back to being treated the way I was! And so... I have become comfortably numb.
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