Everyone Dies At Japanese Baseball Game - The Horror!

Here's an amusing little something my pal Tristan found for me earlier today. Go ahead... watch it first and then come back here if you are still alive.

On April 25, 2012 at the Tokyo Dome in Tokyo (d'uh) Japan, the ceremonial first pitch was thrown by someone who ended up killing everyone in the stadium.

Dead. All 40,000 of them. Ballplayers from both teams, too. The umpires survived because they were blind and were thus prevented from the horror.

Wondering just what the hell is going on? I don't. I've seen it before. In the last century!

That wild-haired relative of Cousin Itt is the creepshow known as Sadako.

Maybe you recognize her when she crawled out of a television screen and then drowned her victim.

   
She is the horror from the horror movie, The Ring (made in the US in 2002) or the original Ringu (Japanese movie made in 1998). She is supposed to be a yūrei, a type of Japanese ghost. The concept has also been used in the scary Japanese horror flicks Ju-on (the US remake The Grudge), One Missed Call, and Dark Water.

Great freaking horror movie (Ringu) and you should watch it if you want a good scare... but what the fug?

This opening pitch was played for laughs (few in the audience at the Dome were laughing, however), what with her flopping like she was dead and wearing cleats...

What the hell does this have to do with baseball or a charity or something of historical importance - which is pretty much the only way you get to toss out a pitch in the MLB (Major League Baseball).

If they tried to pull that stunt here in North America, we would boo them right off the field. Besides... the movie is from 14 years ago! How is this relevant to 2012? Is it coming out on a new director's cut and slash DVD set?

I don't know, and I don't care.

Funny stuff, yes... and it makes me want to watch the movie again... but this is baseball. It makes me want to cry, but there is no crying in baseball.

Personally, I think the PR people who thought this stunt up went to the well once too often.

By the way, I think she threw an ectoplasm ball, aka a curve.

Cheers
Andrew Joseph

Ichiro Goes Oh-fer In Game 2

In the second game of the 2012 Major League Baseball (MLB) season opening up in Tokyo, the Oakland Athletics gained a two-game split against the Seattle Mariners with a 4-1 victory at the Tokyo Dome.

Josh Reddick and Jonny Gomes homered for Oakland, which bounced back from a 3-1 loss in 11 innings in Wednesday's opener.

Oakland starter Bartolo Colon limited Seattle to three hits, including Justin Smoak's solo homer, and struck out six while walking only one in his Oakland debut.

Jason Vargas started for the Mariners and did not factor into the decision, as he was lifted after 6 1/3 innings. The lefty was charged with a run on two hits and two walks with three strikeouts.

Colon, the former Cy Young winner retired the first 13 batters before Jesus Montero singled through the right side of the infield with one out in the fifth.

Miguel Olivo singled with two outs and Michael Saunders drew a walk to give Seattle a mild threat, but Colon induced a ground ball from Brendan Ryan to keep the game scoreless.

Colon did not pitch in the majors in 2010, but returned last season with the New York Yankees and posted a record of 8-10 with a 4.00 earned run average in 29 games, including 26 starts.

Vargas, who was 10-13 with a 4.25 ERA last year, was just as good early. He gave up a one-out single to Cliff Pennington in the first, then did not allow another baserunner until Reddick's two-out double in the fifth.

Seattle finally broke through when Smoak led off the seventh with a home run.

As for local hero and Seattle Mariners superstar Ichiro Suzuki - which is what all of the photographers in the image above are waiting for:  after going 4 for 5 in Wednesday's opener, he went oh-fer in four at bats.

Files by Andrew Joseph

Ichiro Suzuki Plays In Japan Again

Ichiro Suzuki in the 4th Inning of the MLB opener in Tokyo.

Japan - It's A Wonderful Rife isn't exactly sure why MLB (Major League Baseball) is opening its season in Japan - or even why it feels the need to bring its product to the land of the rising sun... but, at least for one game, the prodigal son has returned.

Suzuki Ichiro (surname first) and his Seattle Mariners kicked of the 2012 MLB season at Tokyo Dome with a 3-1 victory over the Oakland Athletics.

Known solely by his first name in the west - Ichiro - the Japanese-born ball player did not disappoint the fans who saw him go 4-for-5 with an RBI (runs batted in) in the 11th inning.



A capacity crowd of 44,227 at Tokyo Dome was a sea of flashbulbs every time Ichiro Suzuki came to bat. He even got a standing ovation when he took his position in right field in the final inning.

Ichiro is in his 12 MLB season, all with the Mariners, and this is the first year he has not hit lead-off, as he has moved down to bat third.

The man is the best hitter in all of baseball. For a full look at his accomplishments, check out this Wikipedia site: HERE.

He singled in the first inning after he beat out a throw from Oakland shortstop Cliff Pennington.

He singled on a deep grounder to the shortstop again in the fourth - Ichiro still has tremendous wheels!

And he singled in the sixth inning, to go along with an RBI single in the 11th. 
 Despite all of the Ichiro heroics, the game was actuall won by Seattle's Dustin Ackley who hit a solo homer in the 11th.


The two teams go at it again in the finale tomorrow before heading back to North America and await the rest of MLB to begin on April 4, 2012.

Again, while I am unsure why Japan needs to see MLB considering it has its own fine baseball league, this game is certainly not the first time MLB has visited Japan for regular-season games.


The New York Mets and Chicago Cubs opened in Tokyo in 2000, followed by the New York Yankees versus Tampa Bay (2004), and Boston against Oakland (2008). Seattle and Oakland were to have played at the Tokyo Dome in March 2003, but the series was canceled because of the threat of war in Iraq.

MLB also did the classy thing at this year's opener and provided a pre-game video presentation honoring the victims and survivors of the March 11, 2011 earthquake and tsunami. The video was narrated by Derek Jeter, Bobby Valentine and Cal Ripken Jr.

Baseball All-Star Game To Be Played In Fukushima In 2013

According to some poorly worded lines your author has borrowed from the Interweeb, Japan's professional baseball league will hold an All-Star game in quake-hit Fukushima-ken in 2013 to help with the reconstruction of the area following last year's earthquake and tsunami.

While Japan - It's A Wonderful Rife is pretty sure it doesn't mean ball players will be constructing a home, it doesn't mean some won't. I've seen some pretty nice stuff come from professional athletes looking to give back to the community without it counting towards court-ordered community service.

According to (Japan) Nippon Professional Baseball Commissioner Kato Ryozo (surname first): "(This) will be the first time for Fukushima to host an All-Star game."

As most people should know, the March 11, 2011 9.0 Magnitude earthquake caused a huge tsunami which led to a near nuclear meltdown or three at the Fukushima-ken Dai-ichi nuclear plant in northeastern Japan.

As an aside, and probably because the Associated Press realized its story was way too short, the same article noted that The Japan Football Association is planning to hold a match in Fukushima-ken during this summer's Under-20 Women's World Cup. That's 'football', as in 'soccer'.

Compiled by Andrew Joseph 

By the by... nice cubs on the Hanshin Tigers fan above. They used to be my favorite team until Nomo Hideo (surname first) started playing for the Kintetsu Buffaloes (Cecil Fielder's team - father of MLB star Prince Fielder), which no longer exist, and now are the Orix Buffaloes... whatever happened to the Orix Blue Wave (Suzuki Ichiro's [now on Seattle Mariners of MLB] first team)? 

Oh well... maybe I'll cheer for the Hanshin Tigers fan.

Killing Me Softly With His Song

It's Thursday... uhhh.... I think it's December.... yesterday was Aprilsss, so yeah, today is the 5th of gin in 1991 when Columbus discovered Ohio.

Oh god. The alarm goes off. Not too early or too late. It just goes off.

I...

Am...

In...

Pain...

And... I

Wishhh....

I wuzzzz...

Dead...

I have the alcohol craps. Life is as simple as that. I have nothing left in my stomach, which is good that I am sitting as I evacuate, because the other option is barfing. Hmm, but at least if I barfed, my stomach muscles would tighten up. I don't need my ass muscles to tighten up. It's already pretty buff, if I do say so myself... and I am.

I don't wan to eat breakfast in case I load my ass up for more crap. I am just really, really, really.....zzzzzzzz..... I'm up!

I dress without waking up my drinking partner Nicholas Strachan who is stretched out on some futons behind my couch.

I have to go to work today at Nozaki Junior High School, here in Ohtawara-shi, Tochigi-ken, Japan.

I grab a hot can of coffee from a nearby vending machine for ¥100. Holy crap... could I have a hangover? My first ever?

I chug the steaming can of joe and press the searing hot can against my forehead hopefully to permanently scar myself to remember to never drink this much again... on a weeknight... in December... in 1991.

I'm not naive enough to think I will just not drink again in this country.

At work I have a couple of cups of o-cha (green tea) served by the female teachers. They all knew what I was going to do last night, but it was still a pleasant surprise to see four Tylenol sitting atop my desk in the teacher's office.

I take two and after chewing back some rice crackers, I feel pretty good.

But that feeling goes away when I see that they scheduled me to teach in all five classes today.

Really? Did you not get the memo that I was going out drinking last night? Someone did, which is why I have Tylenol. Five classes? I have never taught five classes. Razazafrazzastupidsonofa...

There was some imagination used in a class where students were asked to act out a skit of buying something. Four boys staged a car theft! And then had a fence buy the car from the thieves. The English was passable, but they made the day go by quickly - pity it was in the 5th period when they performed.

After school, I sit around and chat with a few teachers - about women, men, relationships in Canada. I do my best, but they don't know I never dated until I was 22 and never slept with a woman until I was nearly 26. But, I do have good opinions on relationships to offer having watched a whole lot of television growing up... just tell them to do the opposite of everything I have done in a relationship. Hopefully, you know I'm only sort of kidding.

Mrs. Nagashima gives me a pretty sake set... (and here, I'm going to have to confess that I previously attributed this sake set above to Ashley - it was Nagashima-sensei). I was told by others that it was a very expensive set of pottery. (In 2012, I still use it, and take great care to not damage it).

Feeling chipper, I go out and play some baseball with the boy's team and some softball with the girl's team. I help them with their infield work lacing grounder after grounder to the four infield positions. (Did I mention I'm not wearing my eye-patch this week? I have depth perception!)

I'm unsure if this is Japan-wide, but here at this school, second-year students (Grade 8) get to participate in club activities, while third year students (Grade 9) are studying for high school entrance exams, and first -year students (grade 7) they actually take a 6th period - an additional class, for example - one extra English class a week.

I arrive home at 5:30PM - Nick is long gone, but has left a note thanking me for a great evening of man-time.
Good ol' Saint Nick.

Ashley shows up minutes later at my door. I don't kiss her - just proffer up a hug - and we eat some popcorn together. I hate having to share a bag, but I do. We watch a few videos, chat about nothing I can remember later, go to Mosburger for dinner (separate bills) and then ride back with her to her apartment in Nishinasuno-machi (Nishinasuno Town). When we say good-bye, I glance at my watch: It's 8:45PM.

I go home, watch a video and wonder about how strange my life is sometimes. It's wonderful strange.

I peer outside my balcony and let the cold wind blow through my hair... and spy a firetruck with its siren blaring... moving slowly... ever so slowly... for 10 minutes... is it looking for a fire? It's possible... there aren't any numbers on any of the houses... or street signs....

"Squad 51, we have a fire at ... uhhhh... farg!... uhhhh... some sort of field... and a rice paddy... uhhhh, it's in the northwest part of the city... no... not in the city... where the fields and rice paddies are... yes, I know there are rice paddies in the city - even beside the city hall....wait a moment.... if this helps.... the call came in from a... Suzuki-san... I don't know... I didn't take the call.... what's that Squad 51... you've found the fire? ... it's out? It's at an apple farm and a rice farm?... uh, roger that, Squad 51, but I think you need to keep looking for the fire... I think the.... uhhhh... yes... the one you just found was from last Monday.... is anyone still alive? ... why didn't you stop.... it doesn't matter if the fire is out... you are a member of the Ohtawara-shi volunteer fire department... can you turn around... no... I'm sorry, I know there's no room for you on these roads to turn around a fire truck... Look... just keep driving around... but please... the next time you think you see a fire or one that is recently gone out - stop and take a look around for survivors... if you don't... you know the rules of the volunteer fire department - you each get to take one item from the deceased house... unless it was the house that burned down....

But I digress...

Somewhere still drunk,
Andrew Joseph
Today's blog title is by Roberta Flack:

 

Simple Man

It's Wednesday, November 27, 1991 and I'm visiting Kaneda Minami Chu Gakko (Kaneda South Junior High School) here in Ohtawara-shi, Tochigi-ken, Japan. I'm an assistant English teacher hired on to work at the Ohtawara Board of Education via the JET (Japan Exchange & Teaching) Programme.

The scenery out here in the Kanemaru district was so beautiful the past two days, that I brought my 52mm camera and three additional lenses with me to the school today. As is my fate when trying to shoot photographs, I am thwarted by dull clouds - so much so it looks sad and depressed. I think I have enough photographs around Japan showing what it looks like during the rainy or cloudy season - which appears to be 10 months of the year. I exaggerate, but not by much.

After a few morning classes I get to eat lunch again with the first years students - third day in a row. These kids are all 12 years-old or so and don't know much English yet.

But... they like me as much as I like them and we have fun talking in my simple Japanese and they their very simple English. The future looks promising - at least for the kids at this school.

My two third-year friends come around to the teacher's office - and I give them about 200 Japanese baseball cards - which I am sure they totally appreciate. I even think I saw them give some out to a few other boys. Nice kids.

When three girls ask me for some of the baseball cards - I'm out of the Japanese ones, but I give them some of the U.S. ones instead which they explain they can trade 10:1 for the Japanese ones. Now that's some great business smarts.

Some other kids (Thurd -year Grade 9s) come around and ask if I will help them with their math. Are they serious? I love these kids, but boy, if they only knew how bad I was at math. I try to explain to them in Japanese: "Watashi-wa baka desu. (I am stupid)".

They laugh and nestle in for me to please begin the math lesson. I look over their problems and actually concentrate in math for perhaps the first time in my life, and I think I actually understand it... and so, I show them - rather than explain it to them in Japalish - how to do the problems.

They do the work and then run show their math teacher who is seated nearby, who looks up surprised, says something to an English teacher who comes over to say that: "The math teacher is impressed by your different way of solving the problem. It looks like an easy way to do it."

Different? Hmmm. I did it the stupid gaijin (foreigner) way - always look for the easy way out! Still... I am pleased with the compliments, but I do feel compelled to explain I was simply lucky this time and that I failed many a math course in high school... big mistake there... as I then spent the next 40 minutes explaining the vast differences between Canadian/US schools and Japanese. Another blog, okay? Hell... maybe Mike Rogers would be able to tell more than me. Mike?

I get another ride home early from Takeno-sensei who had never spoken to me before this week - and only now do I find out he speaks perfect English! He says he wants to learn more and asks about the TBC language school - which seems decent enough, but a little heavy on grammar rather than conversation. I think he knows enough and just needs to use his great skills more often.

This city of 50,000 is very strange. So many people here speak English so well that it blows my mind. I hope my presence in Ohtawara doesn't screw that up! Naw... if anything, I feel like more kids are interested in learning more English and more about other countries and cultures.

This school is making my decision up for me about whether or not I should stay for a third year. I love this school, but blame them for me staying around longer and thus having this blog continue.

Arriving home, I hop on my bicycle and ride over to the back doctor for an adjustment (electric shocks through my muscles to loosen then, and then a chiropractic manipulation - it's great. My back feels so much better than it did at this time last year!).

I ride out for my daily visit to Books Time and rent a few more videos before Ashley comes over. We watch a McGyver tape I have from my brother Ben, eat dinner (spaghetti) and then ride home with her. We chat amicably a bit before I leave and go home to watch more rented videos and some Japanese television (it seems that most programs revolve around cooking or food).

A very weird day in that it was so good. Nothing overly dramatic except for being a savant in math and a superstar in handing out baseball cards to a few entrepreneurs.

Somewhere in a good place,
Andrew Joseph
Today's blog title is sung by Lynyrd Skynryd:

Life's Been Good

It's Thursday, November 21, 1991.
It's difficult to get up and get out of bed this morning. It's so very cold. Still... I have to get up and go to Kaneda Kita Chu Gakko (Kaneda North Junior High School) where I am an assistant English teacher with the JET (Japan Exchange & Teaching) Programme.
Today I have to teach four classes, do some English club activities and then help out with the school soccer team.
The classes are all pretty basic - repeat after Andrew - which is fine, but hardly stretching my abilities.
After lunch, a third-year boy (Grade 9) comes over and asks me in English: "Teach me Scrabble, please."
So I did. He was good.
Damn! Am I going to have to change my opinion of the kids in this school?
Granted I have said repeatedly that I hate this school and its idiot students, but there are these great moments here which shine so brightly in my memories of Japan! In fact, if it wasn't for the crap I undergo here - having kids trying to stick their fingers up my ass crack, for example - I probably wouldn't even recall these moments of awesomeness as anything more than a mundane event.
But then... to bring myself back to reality - at English Club, I lose my temper at a group of boys who would rather talk amongst themselves than learn the English I am there to have them learn.
If they were in a sports club or arts club with a Japanese teacher, there is no way in hell they would have been able to slack off, so there is no way in hell I am letting them do that here in English club! 
"Shut the hell up or leave!" I scream in English. Even though they probably have no clue as to what I actually said, they understood the meaning.
After a few more glowerings, they get the picture and actually start to listen.
Afterwards, I dress in a pair of track pants and a short sleeve shirt and venture out into the cold and dark night of 5PM for soccer club.
We played in the dark.
Now... I've never been that comfortable with my vision in the dark (who really is?) and it is made worse by the fact that because of a scratch on my cornea that I am now wearing an eye-patch over an eye. I look great, but I can't see well. Two-dimensionally with no depth perception.
The team was disorganized and lacked cohesion - not working as a team and were instead working as individuals. The soccer coach is an English teacher, so when I tell him that there is no "I" in "teamwork", I am pretty sure it is lost in translation.
Still... I give it my best because I loved to play soccer and was a decent enough coach back in Toronto.
I taught the team many things about defensive positioning (my specialty) on corner kicks, man to man coverage, calling for the ball (a basic they lacked), communicating without the ball, movement of the team when they have the ball and even when they don't. I also teach them a throw-in trick, as everyone, including the coach seemed surprised to learn that you can not be off-side on a throw-in!
While my 2D vision made me look like a spaz when a ball was passed to me, every student understood why when the coach told them I lacked depth perception. Oh well... next time I see them here, I won't have the patch.
Hmm. I guess I am implying there will be a next time. Damn. Are they making me like them?
I go home at 6PM.
I was supposed to go to a party organized by the Ohtawara International Friendship Association that was being held for the Emperor's official bamboo shaper, but no one comes to pick me up. That sucks. Did they forget about me?     
By 8PM and no phone calls, I venture out into the cold and go to Nara Sports to purchase some more baseball cards, over to Books Time to rent a couple more movies and then over to Nakamura's Pet Shoppe to purchase some fish for my now bare aquarium (last week I gave all my goldfish away to the special ed. class at Wakakusa Chu Gakko (Wakakusa Junior High School) because I thought they would enjoy them.  I bought about 20 guppies... and now my tanks is aflush with movement and color!
It makes me feel good to know that they are alive and happy... unlike my depressed goldfish who just sat huddled in a dark corner and ignored me.
Despite wearing glasses in the evening when riding my bicycle around - I think I had a pretty good day.
And yet... I miss my still secret girlfriend, Junko. Maybe this weekend?

Somewhere wishing 2D was 34C,
Andrew Joseph   
Today's blog title was inspired by Joe Walsh - a pretty damn fine song about life as a rich rock and roll musician:

 

Karma Chameleon

It's Friday, November 15, 1991.

Mercifully I do not have another dream, or as I like to call them "an omen of impending doom".

Maybe that means that today will be a good day.

I get up early, put some eye drops in my crusty conjunctivitis filled eyes (now both of them), put my glasses on that will make me look so hideous that no one will dare look at me, and then, cook myself a breakfast of Kellogg's Corn Flakes and chocolate milk.

I call it cooking because I heated up the chocolate milk in my convection oven/microwave before pouring it over my cereal.

I bag up my two remaining goldfish and take them with me to Wakakusa Chu Gakko (Wakakusa Junior High School) where I present them to the mentally-challenged classroom as a gift. I had purchased a few goldfish previously and given it to the class - and the kids all seem to like the fact that the goldfish I buy aren't the cheap common kind but are the gossamer, expensive kind. They gather around the aquarium and ohh and ahh as the fish swim around happily.

I don't get it. These fish never moved when they were in my aquarium. It's not like I am a rank amateur around goldfish and tropical fish. I've had both for over 20 years. in fact, I had one goldfish live for 14 years, growing from one-inch in length to well over 10-inches, simply by moving her into larger aquariums.

But these damn Japanese goldfish... they always seem depressed when they enter my apartment. Could my place be a nexus of depression? It would explain so much.  

I wrote a pair of comic books on my goldfish experience that you are all welcome to read HERE and HERE AGAIN.

I hand out some more baseball cards to Omori-kun, one of the kids in this class who loves baseball. He bows deeply, smiles when he comes up and wipes his snotty nose on his sleeve. Thank god Japan bows rather than shakes hands when giving thanks. 

In one of the regular classes, a Peruvian girl whose parents moved to Japan last year comes over and presents me with presents - Japanese language books for me to study. Bloody amazing.

See... this is what the world is supposed to be like. Pay it forward. You do something nice for the world and the world does something nice for you.

Karma.  

It's a pity my Karma ran over my dogma months ago.

The headaches I've been getting from wearing my glasses (not as strong as they should be - but I'm either cheap or don't have the money to get new lenses - your choice) have diminished to a dull roar. Of course, perhaps the headaches were from me being hit by a car twice in a month last year. (Shut up! That's not the reason! Yes it is! No it isn't!)

During a break in the teaching (apparently I do do that every once in a while), I pull out an old wallet of mine, grab a pair of scissors and attempt to make an eye patch for myself.

Despite the conjunctovitus, I still have an irritating scratch on my eye. Yeah... the eye doctor mentioned that yesterday... I forgot to include it in the blog.

It's my goal to create a make-shift eye-patch until I can get a real one.  Tomura-sensei (the had English teacher here) is going to need some severe convincing if I'm to get him to let me go to the eye doctor and thus skip out of work or better yet get him to drive me there.

I'm not very convincing. Dammit! What's going on?! When I arrived here in Japan 16 months ago, people were falling all over themselves to do stuff for me - even stuff I didn't want them to do!

Now, it's like the Japanese are onto the lazy ass antics of North Americans! Everyone knows the Japanese never take time off when they are sick!  Dammitt! They are correct, of course, about North American shiftless behavior - just not this time! 

Oh well, I suppose that despite my useless attempt at creating my own eye patch, I could just wait until next Monday when I visit Kaneda Kita Chu Gakko (Kaneda North Junior High School).  They have a school nurse.

I was going to ask the nurse here at Wakakusa, but she's been absent all week. Sick, I heard.

After school I ride over to the eye doctor and take a look at their eye patches. Pretty gay, boy. Seriously. The patches they have there are not very fashionable. If I'm going to wear an eyepatch, I'd rather look good than feel good.

Back home, Ashley comes over and helps me create an eye patch and then helps make the attachment out of a purple hairband she bought for me.

She says I look like a thug.

I then try on the eye-patch.

No wait, flip those previous two sentences.

A thug? Moi? Awesome! But a fashionable thug!

We watch some television. I try to drink a glass of Coke and pour it down my shirt. Damn lack of depth perception!

Matthew (who lives a few minutes away from me) comes over with a visiting Jeff Seaman (who is a California guy now living in Oyama-shi, I think) and the four of us go out for dinner. This is the first time all four of us have hung out since we first arrived here in Japan! Matt, Jeff and I were powering drinks down back then, oblivious to the permanently cute girl keeping up with us beside me. That's probably why I was surprised when she and I started making out at a dance club a few hours later.

Ahhh.... the good old days.

The four of us go to Matsuri for dinner and then to the 4C for drinks. Ash and I leave at midnight and head back to my place.

I don't expect any action tonight given how icky I look, and that is reinforced about 30 minutes later.

She and I were sitting around talking and I thought having a good time when all of a sudden she begins to cry.

I wonder what the hell I am saying that would make her cry?!

I guess we speak a different language from one another. It sounds the same but it means different things to men and women.

We soon make-up and go to bed. I have no idea what I am apologizing for, but it works.

Somewhere my dogma is rover and out,
Andrew Joseph  
Today's blog title is by Culture Club. I always hated this group, as I prefer my music a lot edgier, but what the heck, the title is apt.

Us And Them

Ashley looking bright in a Japanese stone lantern.

It's the night time of November 14, 1991. I'm an assistant junior high school English teacher living in Ohtawara-shi, Tochigi-ken, Japan.

I have a dream. No nothing as profound as the late, great Martin Luther King, Jr. Mine was a dream as real as a dream can be.

This one is about Steffanni Chan. She's a Canadian woman of Chinese descent teaching high school English on the JET (Japan Exchange & Teaching) Programme. I flew over with her  on the same plane to Japan. She's super sexy despite a large conglomeration of slightly kinky hair that makes one think of the Wicked Witch Of The West.

Since I just watched the Wizard of Oz with Ashley last evening - and didn't get any action (how does a guy not get any action after watching The Wizard of Oz with your ex-girlfriend??!!), it was probably a no-brainer that my brain would conceive of a dream like this.

In the dream I am opening up a school locker (graduate school? Or am I doing a remake of Welcome Back Kotter!?).

I get a tap on the shoulder, I turn and look into the smiling, happy visage of Steffanni. We kiss hello, but on the lips.

As we are lip-locked, I get another tap on the shoulder. I pull my bitten lip away from Steff and peer into the expressionless face of Ashley. She's either my girlfriend or my wife, and she doesn't seem as happy to see me smooching someone as I just was. But then, that's just her.

I try to explain to her that Steff and I are just friends who haven't seen each other in a long time. It doesn't even seem to matter that she and Ashley were there in Japan with me at the same time and certainly knew each other fairly well.

Really. We were just friends, Ashley!

And then I woke up.

Talk about your bad omens. It was like watching a comet pass by overhead and then crash in to the planet causing a tsunami of enormous magnitude thousands of feet high that wipes out most of life on the planet.

I don't know if that's an exaggeration or now, but that dream sure felt real. How do I know if I'm awake?

I go to school at Wakakusa Chu Gakko (Wakakusa Junior High School), and immediately my contact lenses begin to bother me. At first it feels like my eyes are dry. By the second period it gets itchy. By the third period I can't see out of my left eye. By lunch time I am rubbing both eyes like crazy and really have vision in one eye.

I'm not blind... I'm just fuzzy and completely out of focus.

Tomura-sensei (Mr. Tomura the head English teacher) takes me home so I can get my glasses.

I manage to survive one more class and then get a ride out to the eye doctor again.

Now I have conjunctivitis - an inflammation of the mucous membrane under the left eyelid. It makes my contact lens stick to my eyelid, moving it up an off the seeing eye part that I need to see and perhaps think clearly. There is also a lot of sticky discharge coming out of my tear duct.

The fact that I was rubbing both eyes means I have transferred it from one eye to the other. In another day, I'm going to look completely grotesque, as apparently I am now only half-grotesque.

With my glasses back on, Tomura-sensei drives me over to Books Time - the large Ohtawara book and video store. I drop off some videos I had with me and pick up some new video materials that I will watch with one eye open.

We also stop and pick up some more medicine for the eye.  

I go back home, watch television, one of the boring nameless movies, eat some food, drink some pop and take my medicine.

There must be more to life than this. 

Somewhere I wish I had a brain,
Andrew Joseph
Today's blog title is by Pink Floyd. I chose it because the whole album - Dark Side of the Moon - is supposed to sync up with the Wizard of Oz movie from 1939. It might. I've never tried it yet. But I will. In any case, the melding of the two genres is supposed to be called the Dark Side of The Rainbow.... an apt description of my life these past couple of months in Japan. By the way, Pink Floyd members say that the melding of their album with the movie is a coincidence. There's another reason I chose this title, of course... in a kind of us against the world kind of thing...

 

Centerfield

Today the first day where I have a solution to my scratched cornea eye problem that was diagnosed yesterday.

It's Tuesday, November 12, 1991 here in Ohrawara-shi, Tochigi-ken, Japan. I'm an assistant English teacher teaching at the seven junior high schools here in the city.

This week, I'm at Wakausa Chu Gakko (Wakausa Junior High School), an affluent school, but not that you could tell. The kids are generally bright, scrubbed and well-behaved.

I, however, am not.

Tomura-sensei (Tomura teacher) the lone Christian I know here, is the head English teacher at the school. He has always reminded me of Mr. Sulu, George Takei, of Star Trek fame. He picks me up at my place at 7:35AM as school starts at 8AM in this country.

I can tell that he's more than a little surprised at my glasses and pony-tail, but true to Japanese form, he says nothing until I quickly explain what is going on. There is no explanation for the pony-tail, except that I wanted to grow my hair. I have about a three-inch long pony tail now. Mullet head.

The kids all over the school are shocked too... but mostly over my pony tail, as they call me Shimura Ken (I suppose it's short for Kenichi) after the famous and very funny comedian I like to watch on television here.

I do my best to amuse them all by saying his catch-phrase: "Daijobu-da"... a kind of rural way of saying "No problem".

I survive my four classes today doing the same joke over and over again until I am sure it is no longer funny.

Still, one boy tells me that Nara Sports shop that sells sports clothing nearby at the TBC building, is also now selling Japanese baseball cards - a first.

I get a ride home early not thanks to this school always seemingly having teacher's meetings, but rather because I have a headache - probably due to my glasses.

At home I switch to my contact lenses - scratched cornea be damned - get some money from the local bank's ATM, go to the local video store (okay, every thing I do is local), and then head over to Nara Sports (Yes, it's in English!) and buy a carton of baseball cards.

I love collecting baseball cards. I have no idea who most of the players are, but it doesn't matter. The names are written in English on the front, but the back with the stats is all Japanese. Fortunately, except for the bio's I can easily figure everything else out.

I then go to the shops to buy some contact lens saline solution, pick up a dry-cleaned sweater and then some ready-made food I only need heat in my convection/microwave oven.

This is the life.

At home, I watch the videos and put in my eye medicine (into my scratched cornea eye) every two hours... after switching to glasses again. It feels a lot better.

I then clean up the apartment, iron my clothes for tomorrow and go to bed at 11:20, reading Clive Barker's Books of Blood. Gory, original, but hardly a horror book to me.

Oh yeah... I open up all 36 packs of baseball cards (no gum, dammitt! in keeping up with the current North American trend), and put them all in order, separating the duplicates for possible trade or gifts to students tomorrow.

Oh... I also got a birthday card in the mail from Karen Irwin and one from my friend Naoko who is currently visiting China.

Yeah, a boring day... but it's not. You know what I mean? No one calls, and no one comes over. It's quiet without the need for any introspection.

Somewhere daijobu-da,
Andrew Joseph
Today's blog title is by John Fogerty, formerly the lead singer of CCR (Credence Clearwater Revival): 

Japan Finally Wins At Baseball World Cup

Japan 3 – Chinese Taipei 1

Japan has finally won its first game at the 2011 IBAF Baseball World Cup to make its record 1W - 4L.

They prevailed in a pitcher’s duel against Chinese Taipei on Friday afternoon at Rod Carew Stadium in Panama City.

Team Nippon took the lead with a two-run third and never looked back. The game saw just eight hits overall, as both defenses dominated for most parts of the contest.

Japan’s starting pitcher Mitsuhashi Naobumi (surname first) pitched a complete game. Chun Hsiu Chen hit a solo homerun for Chinese Taipei, which remains winless after five games in the tournament.
 

Japan Gets Ass-Kicking in Baseball

Okay... I don't know what is more bizarre... the fact that Canada is currently 4-0 at the 39th Baseball World Cup being held in Panama City, Panama right now, or the fact that Japan is 0-4.

Canada results:
Oct. 2: Canada  9 vs Puerto Rico 1;
Oct. 3: Canada 3 vs Japan 1;
Oct. 4: Canada 12 vs Greece 2;
Oct. 6: Canada 4 vs Chinese Taipei 0

Japan results:
Oct. 3: Japan 1 vs Canada 3;
Oct. 4: Japan 2 vs Netherlands 5;
Oct. 5: Japan 3 vs USA 7;
Oct. 6: Japan 2 vs Panama 6

Oct. 7 games:
Japan vs Chinese Taipei
Puerto Rico vs Greece
Germany vs Venezuela
Dominican Republic vs Australia
Canada vs Panama
USA vs Netherlands
Italy vs Cuba
South Korea vs Nicaragua

There are three more games left for each team.

Standings: Group 1

1. Canada              4 - 0  1.000
2. Netherlands        4 - 0  1.000
3. Panama              4 - 0  1.000
4. USA                  3 - 1     .750
5. Puerto Rico        1 - 3     .250
6. Chinese Taipei    0 - 4     .000
7. Japan                 0 - 4     .000
8. Greece               0 - 4     .000

Standings: Group 2

1. Cuba                  4 - 0    1.000
2. Venezuela           3 - 1      .750
3. Italy                    3 - 1      .750
4. Dom. Republic    2 - 2      .500
5. South Korea       2 - 2      .500
6. Nicaragua           1 - 3      .250
7. Australia             1 - 3       .250
8. Germany             0 - 4      .000

Between Oct 11 - 14, 2001, the second round will begin with the top 4 teams from each pool going through.
Oct. 11:
1st in Group 2 vs 4th in Group 1
2nd in Group 1 vs 3rd in Group 2
2nd in Group 2 vs 3rd in Group 1
1st in Group 1 vs 4th in Group 2

Oct. 12:
2nd in Group 2 vs 4th in Group 1
2nd in Group 1 vs 4th in Group 2
1st in Group 2 vs 3rd Group 1
1st in Group 1 vs 3rd in Group 2

Oct. 13:
3rd in Group 2 vs 3rd in Group 1
1st in Group 1 vs 2nd in Group 2
4th in Group 1 vs 4th in Group 2
1st in Group 2 vs 2nd in Group 1

Oct. 14:
3rd in Group 2 vs 4th in Group 1
2nd in Group1 vs 2nd in Group 2
3rd in Group 1 vs 4th in Group 2
1st in Group 1 vs 1st in Group 2

Final Round: Oct. 15:
7th vs 8th
5th vs 6th
3rd vs 4th
1st vs 2nd

Files by Andrew Joseph

Japan's 2011 Baseball World Cup Roster

Here's Japan's 2011 Baseball World Cup Roster:

##    Name                  Pos         B/T  Date of Birth
   --    ----               ---         ---  -------------
    1    KITAMICHI Mitsugu  OF          L/L    11/11/1981
    2    KOBAYASHI Takato   IF          R/R    03/11/1983
    3    ADACHI Ryoichi     IF          R/R    07/01/1988
    4    SAKAGAMI Mayo      IF          R/R    07/08/1980
    5    YOKOYAMA Kenichi   IF          R/R    05/06/1981
    6    TABATA Yuichi      IF          R/R    20/07/1982
    7    KAWABATA Takayoshi OF          R/R    04/02/1985
    8    KAWATO Yohei       IF          L/L    12/04/1984
    9    MATSUDA Takahito   C           R/R    10/02/1981
   10    IKEBE Keiji        OF          L/R    23/08/1982
   11    MITSUHASHI Naobumi P           R/R    29/06/1979
   12    FUJITA Takashi     P           R/R    21/11/1982
   13    YAMANAKA Hirofumi  P           R/R    09/09/1985
   14    KOTAKA Koichi      P           R/R    25/12/1982
   15    MATOBA Kanichi     IF          R/R    17/06/1977
   17    KAWAMITSU Hiroya   P           L/R    04/03/1991
   18    TOGAME Ken         P           R/R    07/11/1987
   19    KAIDA Tomoyuki     P           L/R    02/09/1987
   20    HAMANO Masamitsu   P           R/R    03/12/1984
   21    UTAGAWA Yuichiro   OF          L/R    04/01/1987
   23    TANAKA Atsushi     P           L/R    29/08/1980
   24    KOTEGAWA Yoshinobu OF          L/L    15/03/1985
   26    HAYASHI Toshiyuki  OF          R/R    21/12/1979
   27    NAKANO Shigeki     C           R/R    01/08/1980

    0    KOJIMA Hirotami    MANAGER     R/R                 
    0    HAYASE Kazutoio    COACH       R/R                 
    0    NAKAJIMA Shouichi  COACH       R/R                 
    0    NISHI Mazafumi     COACH       R/R                 

Canada Screws Japan - In Baseball

As a writer from Canada  - who loves Canada - writing about his former adoptive country, Japan - and who loves Japan - writing about the two countries in the same article should be more fun and less troubling.

But... just like a story I wrote last week about how Canada came back to rob Japan of its first World Cup of Rugby win in 20 years, I get to writ now about Canada beating a much favoured Japanese team in baseball.

In fact, Canada defeated the defending World Baseball Classic champs at the 39th (baseball) World Cup being held in Panama City, Panama. 



The win puts Canada's record at 2-0, good for first place in Pool A standings.

"It was a great effort today," said Canadian manger, Ernie Whitt. "Japan always has good pitching and defence, and that's exactly what we saw today."

After Japan went scoreless in the top of the first, Canada opened the scoring when Skyler Stromsmoe led-off with a walk and proceeded to steal second base. With two out, Van Ostrand doubled to the gap in left-centre which brought Stromsmoe home.

In the fourth, Canada again struck with two outs when Tim Smith singled on a hard shot back to the pitcher and Shawn Bowman doubled to put runners on second and third base. Armstrong came to the plate and hit a double to right field, putting the Canadians up by three.

"Our veteran guys were huge for us today," Whitt said. "They know what it means to represent their country and they came through for us today."

Hill was outstanding from the get-go for Canada as he held Japan to only one hit through four innings and ended up giving his team five scoreless innings of work. After five, Hill gave up three hits and a walk, striking out three and facing 18 batters.

"Shawn did a great job for us," Whitt said. "It was probably one more inning that we expected his first time out, so hopefully he feels good tomorrow and will be ready to go in another four days."

Japan scored their only run in the sixth inning when a ball bounced off Stromsmoe's glove into centre field, allowing a runner on third to score. Jay Johnson had started the inning for Canada and walked the leadoff batter before two consecutive groundballs advanced the runner to third.

Johnson walked the next batter and was relieved by Chris Kissock, who got the next batter to groundout before coming back out for the seventh where he kept Japan off the scoreboard.

Jimmy Henderson came into pitch the final out of the eighth inning and earned the save by pitching a scoreless ninth inning.

Pool 1
Pos	GP   W     L    AVG
1	Canada                  2      2     0     1.000
2	Netherlands           2      2     0    1.000
3	Panama                 2      2      0    1.000
4	Puerto Rico           2      1      1      .500
5	Chinese Taipei      2      0      2      .000
6	Greece                  2       0     2      .000
7	U.S.A.                   1      0     1      .000
8	Japan                    1       0     1      .000

Pool 2
Pos
1	Cuba                     2       2     0    1.000
2	Venezuela             2       2     0    1.000
3	Nicaragua             2       1     1      .500
4	Italy                      2       1     1      .500
5	Dominican Rep.   2       1     1      .500
6	South Korea         2       1     1      .500
7	Australia              2       0     2       .000
8	Germany              2       0     2       .000

Canada plays Greece October 4 with Mark Hardy of Campbell River, B.C., getting the start, while Japan takes on the Netherlands.

I'll follow up with more results shortly.


Files by Andrew Joseph

MLB Teams Open in Japan

Hold onto your caps, Japan - MLB (Major League Baseball) will have two of its teams open up the 2012 season in Japan. 

And it gets better...

Two of baseballs best players - and former NPB (Nippon Professional Baseball) stars - Suzuki Ichiro (surname first) and, if he's still on the team, Matsui Hideki (surname first) will start the MLB season playing before their countrymen as members of the Seattle Mariners and Oakland Athletics, respectively.

The two teams will play a two-game series against each other on march 28 and March 29, 2012 at Tokyo Dome. 

As well, these same two teams will play two yet-to-be scheduled exhibition games during the trip.

According to MLB's commissioner's office, Oakland and Seattle will leave their spring training homes in Arizona (also known affectionately as the Cactus League) on March 22, fly to Japan early to get rid of the jet lag and play exhibition games, play their two game series and then return to the USA on March 30.

The commissioner's office has said that the Oakland A's will be considered the Home team for both regular season games. 

The 2012 series is the fourth such MLB season opening series to take place in Japan: 

• New York Mets vs Chicago Cubs in 2000;
• New York Yankees vs Tampa Bay Devil Rays  in 2004; 
• Boston Red Sox vs Oakland Athletics in 2008. 

Files compiled by Andrew Joseph