New blog I like!

I thought I would share a new blog I like...  about Japanese cuisine.

It may not be as controversial as my buddy Mike Roger's Marketing Japan blog can be, but this one had some great photography of Japanese dishes!

The photography was so good that it had me salivating! It also provides recipes, so how can you lose?

Please check out Japanese Food Blog HERE. OR maybe it's called Japanese LinguaLift. I like the first one better. Still a good blog, though.

I'm going to add it to my list of favorite blogs, so check it out from time to time.

Cheers
Andrew Joseph 

A Look At March 2012 In This Blog

It's been a tough month. Work has been busy. Home life the same. Dog nearly died. I sold my dead SAAB on my driveway for parts. Been broke and down for most of the month.
The only thing I have going for me is this blog. It's not my life (maybe), but it gives me life.
So... how did we do for the month of March 2012?
Best month ever! 
All I can say is: Thank-you very much!
So... why so good? 
No... my wife and family did not start reading my writing - that would be too far fetched for any fictional story I might create (and I do when I'm inspired).
Where to start?
Aside from the first three days of March where everything was status quo - 500+ hits a day... the rest of the month suddenly saw this blog getting 700+ hits a day... with eight at +800... and then things went ballistic.
Maybe it had something to do with the one-year anniversary of the Japan disasters? But, I didn't really write too much about that.
I figured it was best left to those who are there to write about it.
I wrote about the news. And had fun doing so - where possible.
Maybe it has something to so with Twitter? But I only got three more followers...
Anyhow... on March 22, the blog hit 903. I thought it was because I wrote about how The Hunger Games had similarities to an older Japanese movie called Battle Royale... and while I was right about the blog's popularity, it was actually for an older blog where I just did a movie review on Battle Royale. Cool!
Then the next day we went up to 1,110  - again, a Battle Royale hang-over, I supposed.
Then it went down to 'normal' 800+ on the 24th.
It's the weekend, I supposed. People have better things to do than to read what I have wrought.
But Sunday the 25th showed me I was wrong (again), as we pulled in 1,127 hits. 
Could I finally be happy with this blog? People like it! They really like it!
March 26th: 1,249.
March 27th: 1,266.
March 28th: 1,171
March 29th: 1,133
March 30th: 1,146
March 31st: down to 841 (Saturday!)

Basically, I'm getting about 600 to 700 more hits per day (excluding Saturdays!). That's bloody awesome considering I entered the month at a total of 500 hits a day.

All of this means that this blog had a grand total of 26,802 hits - shattering the old record of 20,292 (which was an aberration thanks to my Miss Universe blog going for 11,000 hits back in last September).
Anyhow... this past February this blog had an awesome 17,464 hits. But in March, we shattered it by 9,338, which was more than I had for the entire month of November 2011!
Am I happy with this blog? Despite what I have said in the past - even if I get one hit - at least it means I have entertained or informed at least one person - and that makes me happy.
As such - nearly 27,000 hits?! I'm ecstatic.
But can it continue in April? Crappy blogs like this one won't help - but like always, keep checking in for twice daily blogs on who knows whatever strikes my fancy at that moment!

Thanks for hitting on me. It makes me wanted.
Andrew Joseph

A Note From The Blogger

Hi there,
Just a wee breather until a few hours later when I post something new.

Mike Rogers noted recently that my blog has been slowly inching up in hits - and it's true. This month, should you all be willing, I'll have hit an all-time high - bursting the 20,000 mark established last September when the hits on a Miss Universe blog I wrote went through the roof just after the 2011 Miss Universe pageant. That was a fluke. I think I just had a well-named blog that caused some 14,000 people to come crashing in.

This March 2012 - well... it's just been some plain old hard work by myself with two a day blogs on a variety of topics I hope readers will find interesting. And yet, despite it all, the vast majority of hits continue to be on Miss Universe and teenaged prostitutes. That's not a knock on anyone. They are very interesting topics, which was why I wrote them. I, too, wanted to know more, and so I did. I just like to share.

But this past month, there has been a spike of some 200+ readers a day. That's a lot, and as usual, I have no idea why. I know Google likes this blog - but then all one has to do is post often which allows this blog to appear high on the search lists for Google.

But... enough ego blow here. Thanks... and just know that while I often have no idea what I'm going to write about until I write it, I actually have some 17 stories in a draft format, just awaiting some fine tuning from myself.

It's been rough to publish all that I want to publish. Here in Toronto, it's been around 20C - some 12C higher than usual. In fact... for the next four days, the temperature will be 20, 22, 24 and 22 respectively.... though it will rain that last day (or so they think). That means I get to spend more tie outdoors with my 6-year-old son playing soccer. Ugh... my poor aching knees.

Then there's hockey and basketball to watch, baseball is starting soon, soccer never ends, and despite what Mike Rogers says about TV (he hates it!), I require it to sometimes just numb my brain... though often enough I find it inspires me.. some turn of a phrase an actor spews that reminds me of something. Sorry Mike. I love TV, and it hasn't hurt my 149 IQ too much! Although... I am a classic under-achiever. Writers generally don;t make all that much money. Bloggers even less - especially myself... zilch.   
 
Work is also stressful - but then, I'm sure all of you are in that same boat... more so if you aren't working. I want to take a break to recharge the old batteries, but ego and a fear of letting down such loyal readers prevents me from doing that. I haven't missed a day in 13+ months, and now I see no reason to.

That's the cool thing about Japan. It's just so damn interesting, weird and exciting. Man... I feel a Godzilla haiku coming on!

Anyhow... this blog is on Facebook and Twitter, but I see both as a minor inconvenience, rather than a means of gathering new readers... but since utilizing them, readership keeps spiking. Maybe it does work. I would like someone to explain to me how a non-porn website or blog can actually make money... but if it takes money to make money... well, I don't have any money. I spend it all on survival and LEGO. LEGO helps me survive.

Oh yeah... I'm almost finished another LEGO diorama. Maybe in another week? I will tell you that it's a Japanese temple scene keeping in step with my feudal Japan theme I have for the other 7 I've built. Man, I need to get laid. You'd think getting married would take care of that. ha-ha! I kill me.

Thanks for indulging me, and thanks again for reading.

Now... back to our regularly scheduled blog.

Cheers
Andrew Joseph  

Blogging: February 2012.

This is a message from Andrew, your somewhat humble author in 2012.

February, while still being longer than any other February in recent memory (I have a short memory when I choose to have one) was the best month yet for Japan - It's A Wonderful Rife! Thank-you.

We had 17,464 hits in February - up from January's astounding 17,078, and up again from December 2011's 15,494 hits. Proving once again that the fewer blogs I post, the more hits I get.

Granted I still managed to put up 58 blogs in February, but that's down from 69 in January and down still from the insane 81 I did in December when I thought to myself... Hmmm, the more I blog, the more people read.

I actually wanted to blog more these past two months, but I've been burnt out from work writing - the writing that pays me in money, which is almost as good as cash. Plus I have a six-year-old, wife, and other concerns which have kept me from the keyboard.

Okay, okay... I've actually been playing a lot of LEGO Harry Potter and LEGO Batman on my PS3 late into the wee hours of the morning.

A few days ago, I even got a couple of additional followers on the blog, and then after I started posting the sexy writings involving my relationship with Junko, the same two followers mysteriously disappeared. I believe I offended their Christian sensibilities. Sorry. But, perhaps they should have read more than one blog to see if I am right for them.

Excluding a few long-time friends, and one new friend, most of my friends can't get into this blog. Too Japanese, they tell me. Family? Too busy. Wife? While she sends me newspaper stories from time to time, she too has no interest in reading.

Funny. I always write about the past, and see how it mirrors my present. How are you, Andrew? Read my blog and you'll know. I'm good, by the way. Thanks for asking (and reading), but I could always be better.

I always wonder if I should be writing about other people in this blog. I sometimes make them look bad. I often make myself look bad, too. But, then I think - dammit! This is what actually happened! The truth shall set you free.

When I wrote comic book stories with various artists, I always thought to myself... if just one person reads it, then my job is done. I've entertained someone.

It's like smiling at someone when you walk down the office hall. You may not know them, but maybe they had a bad day, and that smile is the best thing to happen to them. You do your best, and hope it makes a difference.

That's why I write these blogs. To educate. To inform. Hopefully entertain. Yeah, it's to placate my own ego - it's why writer's write or seem to have an opinion on everything under the blue sky (dull grey if you live in Ohtawara-shi, Tochigi-ken, Japan).

Still... you have all made me very happy. It matters to me.

As always, though... should you have a topic you would like to know more about, or have a story YOU would like to tell, let me know. While, like a woman I know, I may not share my bag of popcorn with you, I will share this blog. It's your blog, too.

Thanks for your continued support.

Now back to our regularly scheduled blog. 

Cheers
Andrew Joseph 

 

The Soft Parade

Hi there... I thought I would take a short break from writing about my past life in Japan for a brief moment.

I have been writing in this blog non-stop, every single day sometimes twice, three times or more... every single day for an entire year.

I do spend a lot of time writing about my past life in Japan from 20 years ago. At first I thought it would be fun - and a lot of times it has been fun... walking along a path I had though long since over-grown with weeds... but this diary I've been writing from... whew.... it takes a lot out of me.

Perhaps it's age. Perhaps it's just moving on. Perhaps it's just perhaps. But a lot of what I write about I had no knowledge of until I read my diary for the first time since I put pen to paper - that's how long ago this was.

My good friend Matthew, of whom I shared many a time with in Japan, he freely admits that he too has forgotten about most of the things I have written about.

To be honest, up until this point in time - 2012 - I have only read the day's events that same day I type it out for you here in the blog. I do not read ahead. I am often as pleasantly surprised or disgusted as you are with either how I have acted, or others have acted or merely what Japan has been like. You may have noticed that the people of Ohtawara-shi (my home town), nay, the people of Japan, have treated me with kindness and respect for the most part, while the so-called gaijin (foreigner) contingent has been less so generous. Obvious exceptions, of course. Matthew, Kristine, James, Colin and a whole host of others you haven't met yet. Even Ashley... though she also fits into the other category.

What I find particularly galling or shocking, is how my life in Japan 20 years ago has mirrored the life I currently 'enjoy'. Ups and downs. Women trouble. Work. New situations I had never heard about before being thrust into my face as I am supposed to act and react to. You know... life. But it just seems as though things sucked a lot then. Read between the lines about how I feel now.

But... after the recent events of life in Japan circa 1991 - the Thanksgiving debacle - I just had to read ahead. Oh my god... I haven't hit bottom yet. But at least I read far enough ahead to know that even from the gutter, one can still look up and see the stars. I'm paraphrasing Oscar Wilde here. So... it gives me hope that things will get better in 2012, too.

A couple of days ago - at work, where I write all day long - my publisher told me how I appear to be the most level-headed person he knows - always with a smile on my face. A co-worker told me how he was impressed by the fact that no matter how much I needed something done right then and there, I never forgot my manners and always said 'please' and 'thank-you' and tried to make others feel better.

It made me feel good. It made me realize that even if we don't know how we impact the world, we do... whether it's through simply being there at the right place and time to say 'thanks for doing a great job' or just holding a door open for someone... it makes a difference - even just a tiny bit.

So... I just wanted to say to all of you readers who stop by and come back again (and again and again) as well as those who just stop by - thanks.

I thought that writing about the past was cathartic. It's not. It's merely a means to an end. I get to know there are people out there - all over the world who have read something I have created. And for a brief moment in  time, I was a part of their life.

To quote Jim Morrison of The Doors:  I love the friends I have gathered together on this thin raft.

That's you. That's all of the people I ever talked to or smiled at while in Japan. That's Ashley, and Matthew and Kanemaru-san and Hanazaki-san and Nobuko, Shinobu, Takako, Kaoru, Maniwa-san, Suzuki-san (all of them). It's those long dead. Dead, sometimes forgotten, but when read by you... they all live again in youth, glory and allegory.

I have no idea what I am writing about. Melancholy I guess. The previous blog entries have really taken a lot out of me. Toss in nicotine withdrawls - and voila! I get maudlin.

I really just wanted to say that Japan - It's A Wonderful Rife is fast approaching its 1000th entry. I had always figured that if I could get this to 100, I would end it. Seems like I can't end it. I spend anywhere between two and three hours a night writing this stuff - on top of the eight  hours I spend writing for work. Why did I think I needed to do two more blogs?

Ugh.

Like I said. The previous blog entries about MY life have taken a toll... I just needed a break. I'm tired. I mean... just look at that damn photo of me in a Shinkansen (bullet train). No seats. Bad hair. Tired as all hell. But still smiling.

I'll get back to work tomorrow. Something interesting, okay?

Somewhere this dog shall have his day,
Andrew Joseph
Today's blog is by The Doors. It's always been my favorite song by them - for about 40 years now:

 

Blogging By The Numbers

I though I would share with you some of my thoughts regarding blogging in 2012 - specifically for this site.  

Rife's been good to me so far.

I've whined about the poor rise of this blog, and how I may have prematurely climaxed (never done that before) back in September with 20,292 hits and a luckily named blog about Japan's Miss Universe representatives - and then the downward spiral in October and November.

So, I did what any self-respecting blogger would do - I blogged like I had never blogged before during December with 81 blog entries, and got 15,494 hits. Awesome.

Proving that with more blogging I could get more hits, I then blogged less in January - with the expected results. Well, actually, the opposite of that. January had more hits - reaching 17,078 hits - which is nearly 1,600 more hits in a single month. Cool!

So... fewer blogs equals more hits? Or was there something I was missing?

No... it couldn't be?

Could it be social media at work? Twitter, which I joined in late December (@ASJ47)? Or what about Facebook (http://www.facebook.com/pages/Andrew-Joseph/342880312408481) - I joined that a week ago. One friend. Matthew, of course... but then again, I didn't advertise it, and Matthew was the one who suggested I get on to it.

But no... I can't see such a dramatic rise due to Twitter.

Could it be that the January blogs were simply of better quality and they presented information or stories that people all over the world wanted to read?

That must be it.

Damn.

Now I have to give you guys quality all the time.

You lucky, lucky bastards.

Oh well... more work for me.

Of course, the quality of the blogs will begin again AFTER this one. Ahem.

Somewhere writing,
Andrew Joseph

Stupid People

I am not Japanese.
I no longer live in Japan.
I am a Canadian living in Toronto, born in London, England from parents born in India. I know next to nothing of India, have never been there, don't speak the language and have only recently started eating the food in the past 12 years because my wife who is of Swiss-German ancestry likes it.
Canada, in case you were wondering, is considered a multi-ethnic country. People from all over the world come here because we have a high standard of living, excellent health coverage, excellent schools and are generally quite the safe country that doesn't go out of its way to try and rule the world with its ideologies. We also welcome people from other countries, and don't expect them to conform. At least nowadays. When I was a kid, it was expected... and really... I have always wanted to fit in and be liked by everyone, so no problem in being more Canadian than the Canadians for me! 
Japan... Japan is a homogeneous society. There are a lot of people from Japan living there... and slowly but surely, it is gaining a bit of multi-ethnicity. India is probably the same way, but honestly... I've never been there, so I can't say for sure.
England has long been a bastion of multi-ethnic personality, but judging by the racist taunts still to this day being screamed out at soccer matches, sometimes you have to wonder.
Canada, by the way, is not without its racism. It's just usually there without it bubbling to the surface as often as it does in other so-called civilized countries. Though recently some hockey players have been severely chastised for making racists comments to other non-white players.
No place is perfect.   
When I began writing my Japan - It's A Wonderful Rife blog, it was done so to show how naive I was about Japan... to poke fun at Japan while also poking fun at myself. This was in 1990... and I stopped in 1995 when the English magazine in Japan couldn't afford to pay me anymore.  
Nowadays, thanks to this blog, I still get to poke fun at myself and Japan, but I also get a forum to show off some creative work of my own and of a few other writers I respect. I also try to provide some current events with a bit of a personal viewpoint, and also offer my perspective on the wild and wacky ways of Japan.
I also like to write about history.
As a child I would pore over books about WWII and learn as much as could about the dark side of human nature - like the Nazis and the Japanese during this bloody war.
But... as young as I was (I first began reading up on this topic as an eight-year-old), I never hated anyone for their part in the past. I may have been horrified, but hate? No.
I guess my parents raised me well. And I listened.
Which brings me to my point.
I recently wrote a blog entry about Unit 731, a nasty Japanese medical unit that experimented on human beings. The people who did so were, in my opinion, less than human themselves, and will, if there is a God, have to answer to a higher being one day.
However, I wrote the piece not to vilify Japan or the Japanese people, but rather to inform my readers about a part of Japanese history that is not very well documented let alone discussed. Japan is indeed ashamed, but would rather it just go away from the media so no one has to talk or think about it again.
I think I did a pretty good bit of work on it. I took weeks to create the blog, trying to ensure I got the facts correct in order to bring whomever that reads it the correct facts, without me preaching to anyone.
And yet - a couple of days a go, I received a disturbing LOC (letter of comment) from a reader.
I read everyone's comments. Part of being an ego-maniac writer, I suppose. I'm not a great writer (or apparently a great ego maniac), but I enjoy telling a story and I think tell a story well.
Any way... the comment writer simply yells that—and I'm paraphrasing here—that the Japs are all dumb evil fugs and they should all die, and that I (me) am probably also a dumb Jap and that I should go and fug myself and die.
Okay... mister brave anonymous writer... but did you like the piece?
I know that many people write in as an anonymous person and that's cool.
But if you are going to make such inflammatory, racist comments, at least have the guts to tell us your real name.
What's the matter? Afraid people won't like you for your opinion? Dude (and you are obviously male), your opinion is your own, and is always correct - even if you aren't.
You are welcome to your opinion, ignorant though it may be to me, and I don't have to like it.
You are also entitled to not like what I wrote. But all I did was write about a point in time in history. In fact, if anything, I put the Japanese down.  
Mister Anonymous writer... you are an ignorant little man.
Grow up, stop raping your sister and move out of your parent's basement.
That's what I would like to say, as I am thinking about your poor sister here.
How is it that in the year 2012 we still have such hatred for one another? Poor parenting? Retardation of social skills? Ignorance of what year it is?
Dude... maybe you should also hate America? Didn't it steal land from the natives living there? Smallpox in blankets? Trail of Tears? There's plenty of examples. What about the interning of American and Canadian citizens in the US and Canada during WWII just because they happened to be of Japanese descent? They were citizens of their respective countries! Except for the Natives and Aboriginals, all Canadians and Americans ultimately came from somewhere else! And, if we go back even farther in history, the Natives and Aboriginals are also from somewhere else!    
What about the whole independence from under the British rule - you know, the US declaration of Independence? Were not all of the men and women for it traitors? Was it not treason? Doesn't the US hang people like that?

Dude... it's history.

Learn from it and make sure it doesn't happen again. You can hate the people involved in Unit 731, but don't condemn millions of Japanese people 80 years later for the ignorance and stupidity of others.

Grow up.

But really... you never said if you liked my article on Unit 731 or not.
Ahhhhh, it doesn't really matter, though.
If I was to judge you by your past history of opinions, it would be obvious that your opinion isn't even worth a wad of spit.

Somewhere on his horse high high horse, 
Andrew Joseph
PS: And Mike... I'm taking your advice - it begins here and with my last comment on the Japanese Teenaged Prostitution blog entry, currently ranked number one with a bullet as my most popular blog again this month.
PPS: Why are the haters coming out this week? I'm on nicotine withdrawl for two weeks and am not very pleased with the world right now. Seems like a good time to let my real effing voice out. 

How To Survive Women - Now With More Junko!

Hey! My blog on how to date Japanese women was recently picked up by a friend of mine, Mister Manfred Mann and posted to his How To Survive Women blog. I've known Manny since we were teenagers, and as such, I have been following his first foray into writing since he told a couple of weeks ago that I better or he was calling in a loan.

Conniving bastard that he is, he still should have told me about his blog earlier! It's great!

Anyhow, since I now read everything he writes (writers need their ego stroked every once in a while no matter what Mike or Charles says) - and since then, I've learned a lot about writing and women and even how to dress. It's a good blog and fun to read and all of you loyal readers should follow it - despite the adult warning for some of the blue language he uses, but I wish he would write more often - hint, hint!

I mean - penis sizes from around the world? Thank god I'm not Indian and am instead Canadian! Actually, if I was in India, I'd be a porn star. Ahhhh, but I digress.  

When Manny asked... sorry, Mister Manfred Mann asked if he could use my blog, I updated it for him with some additional pictures.

Now... for those of you who read about my life and crimes in Japan from 20 years ago - well... check out the first photo in this revised version for a peek at someone who looks a hell of a lot like Junko. I did a double-take when I saw her, because... well, despite being one hot babe, she looks like Junko, my sexy secret girlfriend of whom I have no photographs.

Read my blog on that site HERE.

Did I date beyond my means?

Yes, I smile knowingly.  

I still do.

Cheers
Andrew Joseph

An Interview With Godzilla - Part II

Blurry LEGO Godzilla

Japan - It's A Wonderful Rife (JIAWR) recently scored the first ever interview with Godzilla, King of the Monsters.
Part I is presented HERE  - and all should read it before proceeding - not because you missed anything important like the ORIGIN of Godzilla, which you did! - but mostly because JIAWR only gets paid depending on the number of hits the blog gets. He doesn't get money, but rather is paid in ego points.
The previous part of the interview also revealed how Godzilla was wrongly targeting Japan for his troubles - and should have instead been angry at the U.S.
Will we learn anything new in this interview? Read on, oh gentle reader. Read on...



JIAWR: So, Godzilla... once you were awoken from your multi-million-year slumber, you were a changed dinosaur?

God: Yes. Yes I was.

JIAWR: Could you elaborate?


God: Yes, I can.

JIAWR: Will you elaborate?

God: Yes, I will. 

JIAWR: Now?

God: You're kindda pushy for something I often pick out from my navel on a daily basis.

JIAWR: You have a bellybutton?

God: I prefer the term navel, but no. I'm a reptile born in an egg. There was no umbilical cord attached between my mother and myself and thus I possess no navel.

JIAWR: So what type of dinosaur are you?

God: I no longer consider myself a dinosaur, except perhaps in my choice of music, but really, my transformation occurred when I was a young pup and back then I was truly a bestial creature - all I know is that I was always hungry. For meat.

JIAWR: And now?

God: I am hungry for meat.

JIAWR: ...

A tracheotomy couldn't slow down Godzilla's smoking.

God: Just kidding. I'm hungry for anything! Meat, plastic, metal, glass, wood... you name it, I've eaten it! Oh... where are my manners? Would you care for a snack? I have some semi-frozen Smog Monster? I finally killed him last week. By the way, world... you're welcome!

JIAWR: Uh... no thanks. I'm trying to cut down on my industrial pollution.

God: Me, too! After this last cigarette, I'm quitting! Though nobody likes a quitter! SKrroooooonnnn-nnnnk!

JIAWR: And thank-you, Godzilla, for helping us quit using the smog monster as an excuse for our own problems. The world owes you an incredible debt of thanks. 

God: Thanks are fine, but a monster can not live on mere words alone. I should know, I did eat that dictionary factory - Kenkyusha, I believe - in Tokyo once.

JIAWR: Yes, I recall that. Were there any lingering after-effects?

God: Well, I did have verbal diarrhea for weeks... I still don't think people are allowed to go to Fukushima. My breath isn't the only thing that is radioactive.

JIAWR: I thought Fukushima was afflicted by that nuclear power plant spewing radioactive materials into the air, water and ground.

God: I was kidding. Jodan desu! What? Too soon? SKrroooooonnnn-nnnnk!

JIAWR: Maybe.

God: Okay, seriously then... being a radioactive mutant monster, when I ate the dictionary factory of Japanese to English and English to Japanese books, I developed this fantastic diction I spew forth from my rubbery lips. Until then I could only say "SKrroooooonnnn-nnnnk!"

JIAWR: Oh, so that's why no one had ever had an interview with you before.

God: Yes, that and the fact that I have been kind of anti-social. But you? I like all of those ridiculous haiku that you have been publishing about me.

JIAWR: Thanks! They are ridiculous but fun! Now... if we could get back to the interview...

God: We haven't left the interview. I am sure you shall write in every single word I have said.


JIAWR: Oh, no... I would ne-

God: Or else.

JIAWR: Right you are! So... since becoming cognizant and being able to communicate with humans, do you have any regrets?

God: Regrets? Oh sure. When I first woke up, from my million-year sleep, I was a tad confused. I was suddenly no longer a 35-foot long juvenile Tyrannosaurus Rex - I'm only guessing that I was one based on examination and guesswork of my current physical structure - I think I may also have eaten a book on dinosaurs - and now I was a 400-foot tall walking monster with radioactive breath thrust into a world I was wholly unfamiliar with.

JIAWR: 20th century Japan?

God: Yes. Have you ever seen the Japanese talk?

JIAWR: Only in the movies...

God: Yes! Then you know what I am talking about! They open their mouths and words sometime come out. And when they close their mouth, words continue to come out! It's freaky!

JIAWR: I think that is only in the movies.

God: You just said that! Regardless, Andrew-human, as I was saying, when I first awoke, I was confused. I accidentally capsized a fishing fleet as I was walking from out of the ocean - and why was I in the ocean? It wasn't bath night? How could I suddenly breath underwater? I don't know, but now I could.

JIAWR: There goes that line of questioning...

Godzilla's Visine commercial.

God: And when I stumbled out onto the land, I tripped on some power lines and accidentally took out a couple of Japan's prefectures. And then as I continued to stumble around in a daze with the power lines wrapped around my awesomely muscular legs, I tripped on Tokyo.

JIAWR: You tripped on Tokyo?

God: Yes. But it wasn't just the power lines around the feet that caused me to start falling around Tokyo... it was those damn electric and neon signs!

JIAWR: Yes, Tokyo has a lot of neon! I think the neon confuses a lot of foreigners who go to Tokyo for the first time, as back in Canada and the U.S., when one sees a neon sign it probably means there's a massage parlor about.

God: What the hell are you talking about? SKrroooooonnnn-nnnnk!

JIAWR: Nothing. Go on...

Sonnuvabitch! My God-nads!

God: Well... all of those signs flashing at my kneecaps caused me to go into some sort of an epileptic seizure.

JIAWR: No!

God: Yes! I began thrashing around in convulsions! I smashed building with my fists, with my tail and stomped Tokyo back into the Cretaceous Period. So even though Tokyo looked like where I was born, I still felt bad about all of the destruction of the buildings.

JIAWR: And let's not forget the human life. You did take out about 4,700 people including a junior high school.

God: Oh myself! I feel so terrible! SKrroooooonnnn-nnnnk!

JIAWR: You are sad?

God: No! SKrroooooonnnn-nnnnk! You humans are like puny ants to me! Do you weep when you step on an anthill? That was sarcasm!

JIAWR: Uhhhh, let's move on. Godzilla... your recent work with children has been phenomenal.

God: Thank-you! Since I became literate, I have been stomping my way through the various prefectures of Japan trying to educate children on the importance of reading.

JIAWR: Yes... we have a photograph of you doing that right here... cute.

Godzilla's education programme.

God: Yes... I really do love children - with barbeque sauce. Kidding! SKrroooooonnnn-nnnnk!

JIAWR: I notice that in this photograph, you seem like you are only about seven-feet tall? What's going on there?

God: Actually that's just some great trick photography done by my agent.

JIAWR: Really? You may not have known this, but I was actually a few kilometers nearby when this photo was taken - and I saw something completely different.

God: All right! All right! Don't be a hater! You got me! That damn radiation I emit caused those cute little kids to mutate into 200-foot high monsters!

JIAWR: No!

God: Yes! But it's okay... After I did some teaching of kanji, I gave each of them a monster-back ride!

JIAWR: I bet they enjoyed that!

God: Oh yes! Right up until they died painfully from radiation poisoning... some strange element that you don't have on your Periodic Table yet.  
  
JIAWR: There goes that line of questioning - I mean, wow, how horrible.

God: I notice you didn't use exclamation marks.

JIAWR: Kids. Meh.

God: You are one cold bastard, Andrew-human. Perhaps in another time and place, you and I could have been friends.

JIAWR: We could still be friends now...

God: Yes... but remember... you were the one who insisted on a face-to-face interview.

JIAWR: Kiso (Sh!t)!

God: Here... have a truckload of Iodine pills.

JIAWR: (crunch-crunch)

God: Feel any better?

JIAWR: No.

God: Didn't think so.

JIAWR: Well... let's try and get this interview done and make it a good one, if this is going to be my legacy.

God: Sure, sure, kid. What do you want to know?

JIAWR: Well... what is like being the king of the monsters?

Japanese re-make of Gilligan's Island. Godzilla plays Girrigan.

God: It's lonely, Andrew-human. So very lonely.

JIAWR: (barrrrrrffff) Sorry...

God: Being a misunderstood monster, you humans began following me around with cameras.
SKrroooooonnnn-nnnnk!
 
JIAWR: Kind of an invasion of privacy?

God: I'm 400-feet tall! What sort of privacy do you think I have? And let me tell you... being followed around by a camera crew really cut into my actions with the lady lizards!

JIAWR: There are lady lizards?

God: Sure! Why do you think I'm always 'fighting' Titanosaurus and Gabarah? We're not really fighting... it's just the way us monsters get, you know... intimate.

JIAWR: Was your son Minilla a result of one of those liaisons?

God: Minilla... damn you, human. Why did you have to mention Minilla? SKrroooooonnnn-nnnnk!

End of Part 2.
In the final installment, we will delve further into Godzilla's love life and his family, as well as a brief look into his movie career.
Excerpts of the interview: 
"She didn't have a tail, but I sure got some!"
"SKrroooooonnnn-nnnnk!"
"I really do love children - but Minilla was a troubled child."
"Being considered a movie star by the humans was a bit unexpected especially after annihilating many of their cities - but being given a Nobel Peace Prize was a bit unexpected.
"SKrroooooonnnn-nnnnk!"
This and more in Part 3, out soon.

An Interview With Godzilla - Part I

Godzilla takes time out from destroying a city to play with kids. 

Japan - It's A Wonderful Rife is proud to present an exclusive interview with Godzilla! Godzilla, King of the Monsters! Godzilla! Defender of the Earth even though Japan keeps getting in the way! Godzilla! The myth! Godzilla! The monster!

Godzilla, the reclusive radioactive monster who has risen to incredible fame and misfortune around the world - but particularly in hapless Japan, has long been the focus of multiple film documentaries that have spawned an industry for the oft-ravaged country.

Japan... if it's not the rampaging monsters, it's typhoons, tsunami, earthquakes, volcanoes, nuclear accidents and sumo fixing! Still, the Godzilla documentaries have been a keen way for the country to make financial amends... to grow its economy, if you will.

And it's not just the movies. It's the manga/comic books, television programs, action figures, plush dolls and tee-shirts. This blog's favorite tee-shirt is : "I SKrroooooonnnn-nnnnk! Godzilla" No one knows what it means, though academics feel it may be, when translated in to Japanese, a complex and emotional haiku. Unfortunately, there is no direct lizard to Japanese translation for "SKrroooooonnnn-nnnnk!"

Regardless: Here is part 1 of Japan - It's a Wonderful Rife's (JIAWR) interview with the radioactive lizard.  


JIAWR: So, Godzilla... it's a pleasure to be talking with you. I've been a fan of you and your great movies ever since I was a child.

God: Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! You're making me out to be ancient or something!  Ha-ha! SKrroooooonnnn-nnnnk!

JIAWR: Ha-ha! So, Godzilla, may I call you Godzilla?

God: Please, please. Call me Mr. Godzilla.

JIAWR: What? Uh... okay... uh... Mister Godzilla... our fans are all wondering...  

God: Gotcha! SKrroooooonnnn-nnnnk! You don't have to call me 'mister'. I'm a freaking lizard! A lizard! Who ever heard of a lizard being called 'mister'!

JIWAR: Ha-ha! You did indeed get me! Okay... 'Zilla...

God: 'Zilla? Please... that's a little overly-friendly, don't you think?

JIAWR: Ha-ha-ha!

God: ...

JIAWR: ... oh... crap!... Sorry! You were serious!

God: Look, can we get to the gist of things? I have an 8:30 meeting in Tokyo.

JIAWR: ...

A stunt-double pees on the Hollywood Walk of Fame Star.

God: Relax! Ha-ha! It's just a meeting!

JIAWR: (Whew!) So, Godzilla... can you tell us about your early years?

God: I was born out of radioactive fire.

JIAWR: I meant before that...

God: Before... ? Really? You don't want to know about what I'm doing now? Yeesh. Are you sure you're a real journalist? I've squashed better reporters than you by accident, you know. Okay... whatever... I don't remember much of my early life as an egg. I guess you could say I lived a shell-tered life.

JIAWR: ....

God: You may laugh...

JIAWR: Bwa-ha-ha-ha!

God: SKrroooooonnnn-nnnnk!

JIAWR: Holy crap that was loud!

God: Being King means never having to say you are sorry.

JIAWR: You sound like my wife.

God: SKrroooooonnnn-nnnnk!

JIAWR: Owtch.... So you were an egg? Does that mean that you had super-sized monster parents, too? Why haven't we seen them?

God: I did have super-sized parents, but to be honest... they weren't any where the size of myself. You see, they were dinosaurs from your prehistoric time.

JIAWR: Ha-ha! Everybody feels their parents are dinosaurs!

God: ...

JIAWR: Uh... go on, please...

God: As I was saying, my parents were dinosaurs and had me. I was an egg and then I hatched and was a dinosaur too... but then... something happened... a bright light from the sky flashed... and as I watched the world I knew burn around me, I was covered by a fiery green cocoon... and I began to change within it.

JIAWR: So that is how you became so huge? Some sort of light from the sky caused you to grow? That sounds contrived.

God: Meh... those were simpler times. Any how... I think that's how it all began. How the hell should I know? Back then I was a bloody dinosaur... and a young one at that! Do you know how large the dinosaur brain was? Some of them had a brain no larger than the size of a walnut! How would I know what the hell I was doing? This is just some guesswork on my part! Look... all I know is that back then, I was a pre-programmed killing machine...

A nice light snack.

JIAWR: How is that different from what you are today?

God: Today? Today I make reservations - or rather I have people who do that for me. Any who, that green cocoon enveloped me and I believe put me to sleep. For millions of years.

JIAWR: And then you woke up...

God: Did I, Andrew? Did I really? Maybe I am only dreaming of you... and when I wake up, you will cease to exist. I am the Red King!

JIAWR: You don't look red...

God: Am I surrounded by illiterates? Have you never read Alice in Wonderland? It's the best damn book out there!

JIAWR: Really?

God: (chortling) Sometimes I pretend I am the Jaberwocky and I kill the beamish boy! O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!

JIAWR: I know the book... but aren't the Red King and the Jaberwocky poem actually from the sequel - Through The Looking Glass?

God: SKrroooooonnnn-nnnnk! That was a test! You passed! I like you! Just for that I won't kill you by toppling a high-rise upon you at the conclusion of our interview.

JIAWR: Wow! Thanks, Godzilla! Now I see why they voted you King of the monsters!

God: Uh... you don't get voted the king of the monsters... look, never mind... I was asleep in a weird cocoon under the ocean when some atomic blasts woke me up. I have to admit that being asleep for millions of years and then being rudely awoken... I mean, I have always been a bear when I wake up, but this was one hell of a long sleep! I guess I was ultra cranky and so I took it out on the people of Japan who woke me up. 

Random violence in Tokyo.

JIAWR: Uh... you know that the Japanese have never had atomic weaponry.

God: Of course they did! I felt two large pops days apart that aroused me from my slumber! With my keen Godzilla-sense, I felt that both atomic pops were in Japan! 

JIAWR: I think what you felt were two atomic blasts - bombs dropped by the United States of America on Japan in an effort to bring about the end of World War II. But how could that be? Those bomb blasts were a full nine years before you first re-appeared in 1954!

God: I slept for millions of years! What's nine years for me to actually wake up and roll out of bed?

JIAWR: Oh...

God: Hey... what was it you just said? Are you trying to tell me that Japan didn't actually wake me up?

JIAWR: Maybe... those two atomic bombs blew up two Japanese cities irradiating them.

God: Sounds like something I would do! SKrroooooonnnn-nnnnk! But you say Japan didn't wake me up? That it was really the U.S.?

JIAWR: Uh... yes?

God: So... I've been unfairly taking my sleepy-head frustrations out on the island of Japan for no reason?! That I should have been taking it out on the United States instead?!

JIAWR: Yes?

God: Oh well... my bad. SKrroooooonnnn-nnnnk!

End of Part 1.
In the next installment, we will look at the early years of Godzilla's rampage(s) through Japan... which it now appears was all a misunderstanding by the big guy.
Excerpts of the interview: 
"Oh myself! I feel so terrible!"
"SKrroooooonnnn-nnnnk!" 
"I really do love children - with barbeque sauce!"
"Being followed around by a camera crew really cut into my action with the lady lizards!"
This and more in Part 2, out next week.

One Hundred Thousand Hits

Thank-you all very much!

Some time on Monday, December 19 - Japan - It's A Wonderful Rife broke the 100,000 mark for hits since I started tabulating them with an app back in July of 2010.

That's pretty good, I think, considering one year ago this blog received 2007 hits for the month of December 2010 and only 794 hits for the month of July of 2010.

Since that time, I've tried to pour a few more hours of my life daily into this blog and have watched the number of hits rise and rise.

There was an aberration back in September of 2011 when readers from around the world  - 20,292 of them, in fact - went crazy and visited this blog looking for information on Japan's Miss Universe contestants. I had mistakenly thought  it was me spending a lot of time watching the 2011 Miss Universe event and blogging about it live, but no - that one hardly got any hits at all. It was readers clicking on an older blog - which if you look below under my Popular Posts to the lower right, you will see that it is the hits leader.

Other popular blogs from this year include book reviews on classic Japanese novels, a movie review on Battle Royale, a cult classic Japanese flick available in English subtitles in which a class of junior high school kids are pitted against each other on an island - forced to kill each other until only one is left standing.  

The men's 2011 Club World Cup blog article has been pretty popular, too, but with its conclusion I expect it to become a bit stagnant.

That means the ever-popular Japanese Schoolgirl Prostitutes blog has a chance to go down as the highest tapped article on this blog. It's okay. It's a good article to read. 

Surprisingly enough, I really thought a blog I wrote on Japan's Serial Killers - a very detailed look into their history and depravity - and perhaps the most comprehensive listing of its kind on this topic you are likely to fin on the net! - would do better. It did well, but it needs more readers. It's why I mention things like this from time to time - to give you all a chance to get more learned.

Back when I first got on the Internet back in 1993 (actually, I've been on-line since late 1979!), there was a lot of crap out there. Anybody who had an opinion (like myself) could say whatever they wanted about whatever they wanted.

Unfortuantely, a lot of it was just misinformation - un-like this blog.

Yes, I present my autobiography of my life in Japan. yes it was peaches and cream, but it was also a very trying time. In my blog entries I present what I hope is a fair representation of myself - both good, bad and idiotic - to say that while life is rough, it is what you make of it. Currently, my 1991 self is going through a tough time of self-doubt, paranoia (non-clinical), depression (non-clinical)... but he sees that the people around him actually do care and help show him the way.

No journey can ever be undertaken without some help from great friends, acquaintances, secret girlfriends and more... I hope you will all continue to read and know that I will continue to provide daily updates to this blog - both autobiographical, serious news, stupid news, and present proper insight and factual information about all things Japanese.

And don't worry... there's nothing wrong with learning about things - even serial killers of teenaged prostitutes, though this blog does not recommend becoming one or utilizing the services offered.

Cheers!
Andrew Joseph

Free Christmas Blog Backgrounds

Download free Christmas blog backgrounds.

Nipple in Japanese

Here - check out this blog!
Living and Teaching in Japan
It offers a word for the day in today's blog - nipple.

In the Japanese defense, I wonder if perhaps the word doesn't actually derive from a body part, but rather from a device, like on a baby bottle. Nawwwww.

Cheers
Andrew Joseph