A Million Vacations

It's Sunday, December 22, 1991, and unlike today in 2012, I am in a good mood. Too much went according to plan - and it wasn't my plan.

I've been in good moods and bad moods while living in Japan.

The only thing that puts me in a bad mood are women. Actually, I don't know if that is correct. It's not a bad mood... it's  a sad mood.

I've just left behind Ashley, who has gone home for the holidays - and she managed to piss me off while doing so.

And while I do get angry, I find that I actually am sad that things aren't working out, and pray to whatever gods there are out there who might be listening to please don't let my life be this way. (2012 Andrew: It is).

But, in 1991, despite women problems, I am ever the optimist, knowing that that glass is half-full. Screw 2012 Andrew and his reversal of fortune. With any luck, I'll be dead by the time it hits 2012.

The 1991 Andrew may be optimistic, but he's also a dick.

I'm a junior high school assistant English teacher (AET) on the Japan Exchange & Teaching (JET) Programme. I arrived in Japan in late July of 1990, and have now been living here in Ohtawara-shi (Ohtawara City), Tochigi-ken (Tochigi Prefecture), Japan for about 17 months now.   

I'm heading to Singapore with my good friend and fellow AET James Jimmy Jive Dalton. I actually call him James.

James is perhaps the funniest, nuttiest person I have ever met. He always has a smile on his face. He's always helpful and kind towards others. He wants to be liked and does his best to ensure that it is happening. He is considerate of other people's feelings. He's a taller, more slender and whiter version of me.
It's how I know he is covering up for a bunch of insecurities a mile deep.

Why would I say something as stupid as that?

Simple. Despite his bravado, physical comedic genius, charm and wit, and decent looks... he's actually quite shy.

He's like I used to be. He obviously likes women... but he's afraid of rejection...
And... because misery loves company... when I am around James... I become a darker version of him. (Darker, not like a Darth Vader-thing. I mean because I have brown skin).

So... the two ass clowns of Tochigi-ken's JET participants are going to Singapore. We already know that we will have a good time, but we won't do anything crazy. Unless, like in Thailand, I find two women that want to screw each other as much as they want to screw me. Since it happened before, it could happen again, right?

Play the video below and read on while it plays in the background!

James and I leave his home-town of Mamada, taking the slow train down to Ueno-eki (Ueno station) in Tokyo and then hop a train to Narita Airport in Chiba-ken (Chiba Prefecture).

We meet mutual AET buddy Tim down there - and we all chat a bit before parting.

Our flight is at 6PM. As we go to sign in, about 10-minutes before take-off, I do not have a seat.

Apparently I got bumped.

But a few moments later, myself and somewhat hefty lady and I bitched and bitched and bitched to the airline... and it worked.

You have to try, eh. You never know what will happen if you don't at least try.  

As it turns out, the two squeaky wheels sat beside each other on the airplane. She was very nice. Her name was pat and she was a writer. Figures. I guess all of us writers have a big mouth and attitudes to match.

She and her friend Karen were going the same route as James and I... but I'm sure they had their own agenda, and I am not one to force myself upon them, unless they really would like us to accompany them - besides... James is asleep and I'm not making a decision without talking to my traveling buddy.

Pat wrote freelance for some vacation magazines. That's so cool. I wish I could do that, but I doubt I have a style any magazine would ever want. She and Karen seem to have traveled everywhere.

The flight is somewhat enjoyable, and I don't suffer any inner ear pain as I did when I first arrived in Japan from Canada or when I traveled from Thailand with my mom back to Japan.

As boring as this all seems to be... I'm going to leave off right here. I'll finish the rest of this tomorrow.

How interesting this is to 2012 Andrew. Here he was presented the concept of being a travel writer back in 1991, and he thought he wasn't good enough to do it. In 2012, not only am a magazine writer in my day job, but I've written comic books, television scripts (someone buy them!) for shows my friend Deb and I have fleshed out, and I've even written a play (wordless) that was performed in Japan, and write this blog, a second one detailing things that I hate, and even a third one that is a survival guide for men (which I'm sure you can see down to the right under "blogs I follow"). And yet... I was either too afraid to try and be a writer, or simply lacked self-confidence in myself.

All pretty strange considering I seem so full of myself when it comes to getting laid. You have to remember... less than 17 months ago, I was a virgin living at home in the basement of my parent's house watching re-runs of Star Trek. I may have some confidence, but confidence can be a fragile thing... easy enough to lose when one feels rejected... which is what I feel right now.

Ashley, Junko... and many more... do I push people away?

And that's probably why James and I are friends. Two ass clowns that enjoy making people laugh and feel good, but have a difficult time actually feeling it themselves.

Screw that. Maybe James and I will have some decent adventures on this trip. You know we will. This is me, afterall.

I'm a weirdness magnet.

At least, even when things screw up or don't go my way, it's never a dull adventure.

Somewhere full of angst,
Andrew Joseph         
In the telephone card up above, that's James Dalton on the left, mutual buddy Colin McKay in the middle, and yours truly Andrew Joseph. James is from Stoney Creek, Ont., Colin from Calgary, Alberta, and I'm from Toronto. Apparently we are pointing to each other as in: I'm with stupid. I'm outnumbered 2-1. Dammit. As well, apparently in the photo, I am growing my hair - it's in a ponytail - but it's still not quite long enough in the front. Aw... those awkward teenaged years when you are 27.
Today's blog title is by iconic Canadian rocker Kim Mitchell. He still rocks on, but also does a day gig as the afternoon DJ on Q107 radio station.  

Lost Together

It's Wednesday, December 15, 1991. I'm an junior high school assistant English teacher (AET) on the Japan Exchange & Teaching (JET) Programme. I live and work in Ohtawara-shi, Tochigi-ken, Japan - and I love my city and prefecture!

I'm in Gunma-ken in some city - I still have no idea where I am - and this is the second day of an AET conference to teach us better teaching techniques.

My room was lost. By that I mean they seemed to have lost the reservation my Ohtawara Board of Education (OBOE) office made for me. My office is nothing, if not efficient. They do not make mistakes. They have looked after me from Day One with a fervor that is inspiring. I have never lacked for anything while I have been here in Japan. So... I can only assume that the folks organizing this event are not competent.

Realizing I had no room, they put me in with a group of guys from Ibaraki-ken... but I spent the last night drunk in the room of Jeff Seamen (also from Tochigi-ken) and Susan Dixon. It was her room, but Jeff also had his reservation lost. See? Incompetence.

Anyhow... this morning Susan went and complained about having to share a room with Jeff. I guess she doesn't like Seamen. Anyhow... he then was displaced and the hotel was going to find another room for Jeff.

Jeff and I have had enough.

We decide to go home to Tochigi-ken - screw the JET meeting. If they can't look after us properly, who needs it?

Because Jeff refuses to eat Japanese food, we find a 7-11 so he can get a sandwich to eat, while I have a rice ball or two.

As Jeff pokes around in the 7-11, I step outside and eat.

And that's when I smell it. Apple blossoms.

I look around for Junko - she of the sweet-smelling hair - knowing it can't be her... but there she is. Looking awesome fully dressed from 20 feet away

I'm not sure what I smell like (desperation and sake, perhaps), but she looks up from the map she is holding and sees me and smiles.

I watch her eyes as she moves them to the side... she's with a guy... her boyfriend, I suppose. She wags her head from side to side to let me know I should not approach and then sticks her tongue out at me when she is sure only I am watching.

I can not be the only one watching.

She's gorgeous... the sexiest woman in Gunma-ken, Tochigi-ken and Tokyo... perhaps all of Japan. It's obvious to the way my head is exploding, that I am in love with her. But she... she is in love with the moment.

She once stalked me for weeks.... coming to my apartment when she knew I was alone... I would answer the door, she would immediately peel off her clothes and we would screw our brains out several times that night - stopping only to grab something to drink - and her dressing only when it was obviously time for me to go back to school to teach. I didn't sleep for weeks.
 
I loved the sex. She was good at it, as was I, I assume, which is why she kept coming back. Oh... if I could only tell you what I did to her and how I did it... but that's not the type of blog I am doing here. Let;s just say that sex with Junko was taken to a new level with every night's visit. We did things to each other that I had only read about in a Penthouse letter column - and then took that up several notches.

So what was the problem? Well... she was dropping out of university so she could follow me around during the day - sitting in her car outside my school - watching me - perhaps to see that I wasn't screwing someone else. I was - Ashley, my ex-girlfriend and ex-friend-with-benefits... but she didn't mind that... it's like she knew that she (Junko) had some sort of power over me... and that whatever I had with Ashley meant nothing in the long-run.

If it wasn't for Junko self-destructing her life for me, I would have been her boyfriend, husband, gimp, whatever... but she was killing me with sex... so I asked for help from the OBOE to have them stop her from stalking me. I just needed to sleep.

After several weeks of her getting some help, I ran in to her again... and we screwed our brains out during a conference at Utsunomiya University - in an empty classroom. We picked up where we left off... only this time, she said she now had a boyfriend...

She also wasn't stalking me - she said - and I found no evidence of that... but when I told her I loved her and wanted us to be a couple, she said no. And the spent the night and blew my mind, among many other things.

I probably should never have untied her from the knots I cast around her, but I did.... and we each went our separate ways, knowing she would track me down whenever she was horny. I did know how to satisfy her completely, after all.

Ahhh.. but I am getting lost in the memories... You know I do that... sometimes it's all one has...

I want Junko. She only wants a part of me.... and it's not my heart.  

I look at her and smile and wave her over... but she comes back with a quick shake of her head... and turns her back on me so I can either not distract her further from her man... or to drive me crazy as I stare at her rear end. It's quite spectacular.

That's when Jeff comes out. With nary a backwards glance (okay... I keep turning around to see if she's looking - but she's not), Jeff and I march over to the train station where we catch a train and go to Tokyo to shop for books.

I love books. I buy a few horror books by Stephen King - just to see what all the hubbub is about. I've never read a book that scared me, and I want to see why this guy is so popular that's he's had so many books turned into movies.

I leave Jeff in Tokyo and head back home to Ohtawara, arriving home at 6:30PM.

I begin reading one of the books, and it bores me. Really? It was the devil? Yawn. A whole lotta nothing going on.

The trick, I see 20 years later, is that he got paid a lot of money for that, and me, and this blog where a whole lotta nothing happened... well... I ain't making any money.

I put the book down, and rummage around for a video to watch.

Ding-dong!!

It's the doorbell.

I know who it is before I answer it, as her apple blossom shampooed hair fills the void in my soul.

Junko steps inside as I hold the door open for her. As soon as I close it and lock it, she is already out of her clothes naked as the day she was born.

She takes my hand and leads me to my bedroom.

Somewhere trying to figure out a particularly difficult knot,
Andrew Joseph
The image on top are apple blossoms. My nose and tongue are not built for for smells or taste, it seems... but every once in a while, something comes along to knock me off my feet. Junko's apple blossom hair was one of those somethings. 
Today's blog title is by Blue Rodeo. They are a Canadian group... and I must admit that I never cared for them until today, as I prefer my music with a harder edge, what with me being a suburban punk and all.  I heard this song by them on the radio (Q107) as I drove into work this morning and nearly burst out crying. I just knew I had to write about my life in Japan again in the blog. It still hurts. Beautiful song, though. 

       

 

Victim Of Love

It's November 17, 1991 - a Sunday here in Ohtawara-shi, Tochigi-ken, Japan.

Junko, my secret-girlfriend and ex-stalker came over last night for some fun. Since she no longer seemed crazily obsessed with me, and I am ready to move on past Ashley, my ex-girlfriend with whom I still sleep with occasionally (just not for the last month and a half), I asked Junko if she wanted to be my real one and only girlfriend.

I received a polite 'maybe', which is Japanese for 'no'. Non-plused, I accepted that and was quite content to continue having sex with a sexy young Japanese woman on the weekends and screw the brains out of any other woman I please.

A pity I am not currently pleasing any other woman, but Junko seems to know that and takes care of me accordingly. I do things with her that none of the other women I have slept with in the past 15 months would even contemplate.

Maybe. Who knows, right? People are all freaks and no one wants others to know that, and so things get left unsaid and undone. Junko... she has no such problem, and while half of what we do is stuff I never thought about doing, it doesn't bother me to do it. I do it because Junko wants me to do it, and that's enough. No one is getting hurt, and it's just sex between two consenting adults.

And yet... Junko has a boyfriend... some young, dumb schmuck of a Japanese university student at Utsunomiya University where she goes to school. Junko, in her perfect English calls him her little boy.

I don't ask, but I assume their relationship is not as fascinating as the one I have with Junko. If it was, I wouldn't be needed by my secret girlfriend.

And yet... this 'little boy'.... he makes me jealous. She'll probably marry him because that's what she is supposed to do in this Japanese society. Find a nice young man with a good job, get married, quit your job and look after the home.

I would start drinking if that was my life. I suppose Junko realizes that her life might come to that, and so she is simply sowing her wild oats before the end of her life. Nothing wrong with that!

But I think I have become her secret addiction. There's a pun there, but won't beat it to death.

Actually, I am her outlet... but truthfully, she has become my secret addiction. Over the past couple of weeks I have looked forward to seeing her and have wanted to see her more often. Junko had that effect on me. Or maybe it was just the fact that she was willing to have sex with me and currently no one else is. The real reason doesn't matter, of course. I just know I am jealous of some dumbass Japanese guy I have never met because she and he are a known commodity, and I am hidden away.

Stop whining right? At least she wants to be with me for several hours a night. Sex is intimate, isn't it? It's something all right.

I've always been a happy-go-lucky individual. I might be down for a minute, but I usually bounce back up and bounce higher. But lately the downs have lasted longer, and the bounces not quite so high.

But, there is that glass-half full mentality... at least I'm still bouncing.

I get up at 7:45AM when an election truck blares by extolling the virtues of a particular candidate. The message starts with an extremely loud apology for disturbing me, notes that such-and-such-san is running for city Councillor, please vote and then another apology for disturbing me.

I look over to my left... Junko is not there. Her clothes are not on the tatami mat floor but the neckties I had used to tie her up last night are lying on the edge of my queen-sized bed.

I get up at 11AM when Matthew phones. He knows nothing about Junko, and I admit that I am ashamed I hadn't told him earlier - and even more ashamed when I don't tell him now... especially after the rejection. I envy Matthew and his beautiful girlfriend Takako Kurita.

Hey! Did I hear the name Kurita blare by this morning?!

I really get up at 1:30PM. I sit around the apartment, watch three television shows on video tape from home while doing a load of laundry.  

Despite the excitement of last night and the need to place an ice bag on my bag, I am bored. Or depressed.

Mister Akazawa of Kaneda Kita Chu Gakko (Kaneda North Junior High School) calls me and asks if I wouldn't mind coming to the school between Tuesday and Friday instead of my regular Monday through Thursday visit.  One day a week is spent at the OBOE (Ohtawara Board of Education) office.

No problem I tell him.

Mr. Hanazaki, one of my two bosses at the OBOE calls to inquire about my scratched cornea. I tell him about the change of plan for the week. He tells me to stick to my original work plan and to go to school tomorrow.

Okay. Whatever.

I don't really seem to be in control of my life, but then again, I still have my Junko, sort of have Ashley, could have Karen, should be having Kristine, could play it better with Shoko... and then there are the Japanese women I meet at bars here in Ohtawara - for whom little cajoling is required by them of me to sleep with them.

Yeah... as long as I don't lose that, Japan will remain for me a wonderful rife.

Yeah... but...

Somewhere I'm still jealous, 
Andrew Joseph
Image above is from Cerebus The Aardvark written and drawn by Dave Sim of Kitchener, Ont. (and additional art by Gerhard). This was my favorite comic book from issues #1 to #300. Dave is one of the main reasons I like writing. I've met him twice - and he's been a gentleman and I would so love to have him draw a story I write.  
Today's blog was inspired by me listening to The Eagles earlier this morning. Here's the video: 

Maybe Baby

It's Saturday November 16, 1991. Ohtawara-shi, Tochigi-ken, Japan. I'm an assistant English teacher on the JET (Japan Exchange & Teaching) Programme.
Feeling the love from my secret-girlfriend Junko, I have decided to throw caution into the wind.
After a marathon bout of what some people call sex, I am feeling somewhat confident in having her be my regular girlfriend.
As my former stalker, she has a boyfriend back at Utsunomiya University and is able to not stalk me every waking minute of the day (and night, as she doesn't allow me a chance to sleep preferring instead to fill the time with lurid sex)  - she seems more in control of herself.
That's a good thing. I would really like a girlfriend who seems strong and secure in herself. I'm not naive enough to assume she is baggage-free. Everybody has some sort of baggage to bear. At least now it's not luggage requiring three dollies and a Red Cap porter. I hope.
So... as mentioned last blog, I partially untied Junko and told her I want to talk.
Nothing like a captive audience, eh?
Just so you know, I did remove the gag. Eventually.
Hey... I was a virgin until a year ago. I might be a bit freaky, but this type of a sexual romp was all her idea. Apparently I was a very willing participant who learned the ropes as he went. I know... I'm very knotty.
"So... Junko... nod your head if you understand."
nod.
"Good girl. So... we've know each other for a while... and I know we really enjoy each other's company. I was just wondering if you wanted to be a real couple and be boyfriend/girlfriend? I'm going to remove the gag now."
"Can you untie me please, Andrew?"
Man, I love her English... it's better than my own!
A few minutes later she's rubbing the blood back into her arms... and I'm probably grinning like a hideous idiot.
"So... what do you think about what I said? Would you like for us to be a real couple?"
She looked at me with sad brown eyes and smiled internally so I could not see, opened her lips and showed her teeth.... and then began the longest sucking of air through her pearly whites I had ever seen or heard come from a Japanese person.
For those of you unaware, when a Japanese person - male or female - is asked a question for which a negative response is required, rather than offer the non-positive answer, they will instead provide a non-committal response.
It involves the sharp sucking of air through the teeth followed by a smile and one of 47 words the Japanese have for the word 'maybe'.
"Tabun," she says after inhaling all of air in the bedroom.
"Tabun?" I asked scrunching up my right side of my face while lifting up my left eyebrow.
"Tabun?" I said aloud again. And why was she suddenly turning Japanese, when she has really only ever been a psycho sex goddess sent from Hell to torment my wang.
Tabun does indeed mean 'maybe'.
What the hell? Is she just looking for all of the sex without any of the commitment? Can I seriously do that? I should be able to, what with being a guy. But... why doesn't she want me for a boyfriend? She has one, but obviously he can't do for her what I do for her or she wouldn't be corralled in my bedroom! A few months ago she would have married me! And now?? Oh... right... now she's sane.
Crap.
Tabun.
"Okay, Junko... I'm not going to annihilate your Japanese and female 'sensibilities' and ask why (I said that last part in my own head)... I'll assume that you want to keep our arrangement the way it is?"
She quickly nods yes, looks down and says "Hai" (Yes) like she is ashamed. Hunh. We did quite a few things over the past couple of hours that she could have been ashamed of, but this? She cares enough to not want me disappointed.
Meh.
It's a place to start.
But then again... I'm already in a great place to start. Sex with a gorgeous young woman and I don't have to even buy her dinner, diamonds or even date her. I just have open the door of my apartment, smile and help her undress.
I can do this...

Somewhere loosening the ties that bind,
Andrew Joseph
Today's blog title is sung by the great Buddy Holly & The Crickets. How appropriate that the car in the YouTube image below is a 1949 Mercury (the James Dean car) - considering my own car blew a header gasket just a few hours ago as of this writing. It's now dead, and I need to get a new car. It was particularly galling that this possibly $2000 part to fix is the same price I paid for the car four months ago. Also galling was that I paid $300 to fix a hose on it earlier this morning, not including the $400 tow required three days earlier when said hose gave up the ghost while I was driving on the highway. It was this blown heater hose that must have heated up the gasket to cause it to blow. The hose itself was a $72 item. This all happened on Friday the 13th - formerly my lucky day as it was when I had first gone out with the woman who would be my first wife. Yes, I said 'first'. I might as well be optimistic.   

Mistress For Christmas

Merry Christmas! I hope everyone has a safe and wonderful holiday - and for those of you who do not celebrate Christmas  - Happy Hannukah, Krazy Kwanza (on the 26th!) or Superb Sunday to the rest!

As you know - oh regular readers of the blog - It's 1991 and November 12 - at least that was my last entry. Hardly a festive event.

So... let's skip ahead to December 24, 1991 of this year. It's a side bar and shouldn't spoil the fun to be found ahead in the next month and a half.

I'm in Singapore with my very good friend James 'Jimmy Jive' Dalton. I'm pretty sure he didn't give himself that nickname - and even if he did, it suits him to a 'T'.

Singapore is a very beautiful city-state with many beautiful people. Good shopping, clean streets and I have great company... but looking at all of these gorgeous women makes me think of one in particular.

No... strangely enough, not Ashley - my ex-girlfriend who I still sleep with occasionally - just not lately. Not Karen - who would sleep with me if I wanted a girlfriend. Not Nobuko (whom I haven't met yet). No... it's my secret girlfriend, Junko.

Yup... my thoughts linger to her and I wonder just what she is up to right now. Is she thinking of me? Probably. That's just the way she is. Is she having a good time doing what she is doing? I think so. At least I hope so.

Do I wish I was with her here - right now - out in the open where people could actually see us - sure!

But... she is there in Japan... and I am far away in Singapore.

Junko... the crazy stalker university student... who seems to love me - or at least loves being with me - just not outside my bedroom - she drives me crazy.

Wait!

Do I smell apple blossoms??!

I look around the city and have James staring at me like I've gone mad... like I'm suddenly paranoid.

No... she couldn't be here. That would be crazy. Besides... I don't think she is crazy... just nuts about me or something. Okay.... any woman who would drop out of school for me - might be a little nuts - especially after only knowing me for a week... but where is that apple blossom smell coming from? It's her shampoo!

... only it's on a pretty little Singaporean woman (I think it's a woman!) who walks past me swiveling her hips.

No... Junko is safe in Japan.

Although... I'm sure she is here with me. Afterall... I am carrying a pair of her panties with me.

Yeah... I am a freak. But I'm your freak.

Somewhere Ho-ho-hoing,
Andrew Joseph
Today's blog title is by AC/DC - just because.