No Sex Please - We Are Young Japanese Men

If you are a young man, middle-aged man, old man, single, married or both - and not Japanese, you might want to take a trip to Japan soon.

While Japan is known for its fetishes, porn, liberal views on sex - despite the western image of Japan as being a bunch of straight, suit-wearing men with black-framed glasses and no sense of humor - there is, according to a recent study a disturbing trend going on n the country. Well, perhaps it's more disturbing for the heterosexual Japanese women.

Studies (plural) seem to dictate that young Japanese men don't really want to date or have sex.

Have the youth of today had their ego destroyed by one gaijin's sexual romps through their country 20 years ago? Uh... that would be me.

Is it because they have grown up without a father? Could I be their father?

No. Nothing could be father, I mean farther from the truth, though I suppose it could be possible I have about 20 kids somewhere, in which case I think I need a legal battle with the Trojan folks. 

Excuse me... but I have to sit down. Young Japanese men aren't interested in dating or sex?! What is wrong with you Japan? Did I teach you nothing in three years?! You can have your cake and eat it too... and then screw the cake.   

The survey was conducted in June 2010 by the National Institute of Population and Social Security Research, a research group related to the Health, Labor and Welfare Ministry, was based on answers from roughly 7,000 single men and women, mostly aged 18 to 34. The Tokyo-based think tank conducts the survey every five years.

The survey found that 61 per cent of unmarried adult men surveyed said they do not have girlfriends.


As well, the proportion of unattached men jumped 9.2 percentage points since the last survey in 2005, with 45 per cent of the no-girlfriend guys said they are not particularly interested in finding one.

So... what's the story? Why don't young Japanese men want to date women and screw their brains out?  

Some have said they just want to hang around and play video games.

Okay... I've played a lot of video games. I started with Space Invaders et al, knew how to do the old quarter on a string trick for free credits, had: a Pong; an Odyssey, Atari 400 and Atari 1200XE computer, Sega, Sega Genesis, Sega Game Gear, Nintendo Famicon and Nintendo Super Famicon, Nintendo 64, Ninetendo Gameboy, Nintendo Gameboy Advance, Sony PS2, Sony PS3... and there's probably a few others I've left out accidentally. I've even played video games on the computer - text games like Zork and HitchHikers Guide To The Galaxy, Leisure Suit Larry In the Land of the Lounge Lizards, - the whole Ultima series... some on a floppy disk... they real floppy ones!    

But let me tell you... back then... if there was a chance I was going to get laid I would have said sayonara to the video games.

Hell, even now... I have a PS3... I'd rather get laid by some little red-haired devil-woman than play Halo. Get my rocks off rather than play Guitar Hero. Your gaming skills don't impress me as much as your ass.  Is that not the way to think?

It doesn't matter if you think you are good at video games (the first time I solved the computer puzzle game Myst, I did it in seven hours - whoo-hoo! Where's my prize? I'd rather see a woo-hoo!) - we're talking about sex! Young Japanese men! Stop playing with your joystick and let a woman hit your reset button + triangle + circle +L2. You know what I mean.

The study complains that Japan's population could go down by some 30 per cent over the next 10-30 years. That's because there is less going down. Less dating = less sex = less babies.

Of course... this whole study implies that dating + sex = babies. Really? This is Japan, after all. Dating + sex + marriage + sex = babies.

Are married Japanese men coming home from a hard day of working for a salary and then plopping down in front of the TV to play Sonic the Hedgehog? Really? Who the hell was asked in these surveys?

Now... there may be something to the survey if it is indeed true that young Japanese men don't even want to date a woman because they are apathetic about dating and sex.  

One college student says, "It's not that guys don't like women. But it's just easier and more fun to hang out with other guys."

True. But I suppose it depends on how you define easy and fun. An easy woman is indeed fun - not that I would know anything about that, of course.

Another says, "If you want a date, you have to ask the guy out yourself."

I suppose we should all assume that the second speaker (Another says) is a man talking about what women should do. If not, and it's about a man talking about men, then we have another solution as to why men don't want to date women.

I would take this study with a grain of saltpeter (saltpeter was used to make sure you didn't get a hard-on). Sometimes a survey sampled can have results skewed one way, which isn't really representative of the majority of people.

The survey was conducted in June 2010 by the National Institute of Population and Social Security Research, a research group related to the Health, Labor and Welfare Ministry, was based on answers from roughly 7,000 single men and women, mostly aged 18 to 34. The Tokyo-based think tank conducts the survey every five years.

June 2010? That was before my life turned upside down. That was before Japan was devastated by the big Tohoku earthquake, tsunami and subsequent nuclear problems. That was before loss of income, jobs, abandon hope all ye who enter here.

Cripes! Things could actually be worse now in 2012!


The most recent 2010 survey found that 61 per cent of unmarried adult men surveyed said they do not have girlfriends.

As well, the proportion of unattached men jumped 9.2 percentage points since the last survey in 2005, with 45 per cent of the no-girlfriend guys said they are not particularly interested in finding one.

Let's schtupp! Now!

Now... 7,000 single men AND women is a fair-sized poll (sp)... not that Japanese women would know about that, so at least the pollsters tried... but how many were men? And how many men are there in Japan within that range?

It is possible (though unlikely, to be fair), that pollsters just got lucky (or unlucky as the case seems to be) in questioning all of the men in Japan that don't want sex.  

I think if you asked those men to look at the photo of the sexy Japanese woman just above, I think they would want to 'date' her two or three times a night.

Buried in the survey results, both single men and women are now actually more picky, and will wait longer to find the right partner.

While that is great, I suppose, but it still doesn't explain the high number of respondents who say they don't want to date or get laid. Does that imply that more people are interested in saving themselves for marriage? Oh... won't that be a disappointment when you realize your new husband or wife does not share you same sexual wants or desires! On the plus side, you won't have a reference point  for what lousy or great sex is like.   

Almost half of women surveyed are unmarried and unattached – and similarly to the men, about 45 per cent are content with staying that way for now. Still, also mirroring the men, the biggest surge in women without a partner is logged among those 20 to 24 years old.
This whole 20-24 year old single thing is good. Get married when you are ready, not because you must by a certain age.

My own parents were married (by their own choice) at the age of 24. I felt like a loser when 24 came and went and I wasn't married, couldn't find a girlfriend, and had never even been laid! Not for lack of trying either. Maybe that was because I was chasing the blonde super model with big tits. Whatever... I had not yet matured by that age. It doesn't matter what color the hair is - you can always get some hair color. What matters is that they are super models with big tits.

Maybe the Japanese are feeling that way, as well?  That they will get married when they are ready - not when their parents or society dictates they should get married.

Japan is not a Carrousel tour of Logan's Run. Time does not run out when you hit 30!

Too much masturbation can create nasty sores that will kill you.

I'm not concerned about that.

I am concerned about them not even wanting to have sex, and even more so about not wanting to date! How the hell are you going to have fun and experience proper social interaction if you never even date? How can you have any pudding if you won't eat your meat?

Of those surveyed, the average age that they want to get married by is 30.4-years-old for men and 28.4 for women.

Some number crunching for you: men and women aged 18 to 24 like being single because they feel they are too young to get married. Well, d'uh. You probably are.

As for WHY men and women of all ages (except the 18-24 group), the reason chosen increased for every group, stating that it was not easy to find that perfect match.

No effin' kidding.

By Andrew Joseph

Just Friends? How To Take The Next Step!

God help me, but I came across this blog down below and laughed to myself.

How to take the next step from being friends to lovers? In truth, I have been the friend to so many women that I have wanted to screw - but not once has that ever panned out.

Now... that was with Canadian women - not Japanese women... so perhaps there is a difference and perhaps the blog I have a link to will help you.

Personally, I doubt it, but unfortunately (!!!!) I am not in a position to try this advice out and give you my honest opinion. 
 

Just ask me out for Kami's sake!

When I was back in Japan, I did things the old fashioned way... I let my female Japanese friends remain my female Japanese friends; found female Japanese to screw; found female Japanese I wanted to date (and screw). I did not blur the lines. When it became obvious that woman I wanted to sleep with was only going to be a friend, I moved on, because as stupid as this sounds, there were plenty of women in Japan who would sleep with me.

That's not ego to me. That's self-confidence. That's what you need to exude without being a prick. I probably went to that extreme every once in a while in Japan, but there's nothing like the cold slap of reality in your face to make you wake up and smell the o-cha.

If you are reading my blogs (with the rock song titles) about my diary and life in Japan, you realize that I did sleep with a lot of women (and I'm only up to the 16 month mark!), and that I was kind of messed up about it because I wanted to date (and screw) women, not just screw them. I would want that even now, 20 years later. Form and substance.

Trust me... women can always find a guy to screw (pick me!), but to find a guy they want to date... that takes some work, and where I was (am in my blog) at 16 months into my stay in Japan, I wasn't putting in the real work. Yet.

Stop being A doorknob - be THIS doorknob!

Please check out this blog posted on www.whatjapanthinks.com.  It's called Pushing Your Guy Past "Just Good Friends". 

Hopefully it shows you some insight on what you need to do. Otherwise... try my blog on How To Date Japanese Women... something I picked up a couple of weeks after where I currently am in my blog. (It's a very popular piece of writing - for me - with well over 2,000 hits and counting every day). I wish I had read it 22 years ago.  

Cheers,
Andrew Joseph

Baggage

It's Thursday, December 19, 1991. I'm supposed to be at an AET (assistant English teacher) conference in Gunman-ken, that was supposed to teach us JET (Japan Exchange & Teaching) Programme participants how to be a better teacher.

I've been here in Japan since late July of 1990 and I've discovered that when the Japanese teachers of English (JTE) find a comfort zone, they beat it to death, using it day in and day out.

I don't blame them. They have a tough job teaching the youth to not only be good students, but how to be good people. It's a shared responsibility with the parents, but in truth, the Japanese teacher is an underpaid individual considered responsible for the rearing of a child.

When a kid gets in trouble outside of school... the first person called is the home-room teacher - not the parents. the teacher comes from whatever they are doing and deals with the situation, smoothing it over where possible and tries to make sure it does not occur again. Yes, parents are notified, but it is the teacher who is considered responsible (failure) for the kid's poor behavior choices.

The teacher is the one apologizing to the parents. I've seen it. I don't believe it or understand it, but that's the way it is.

So... JET can come up with all of the new teaching techniques it wants, and I can learn them... but that doesn't mean it's going to be implemented by my fellow Japanese teachers. Sorry JET... it's a harsh reality for most AETs on the programme - and I was well-liked and respected by my JTE peers!

Besides... at this particular conference, the hotel lost my reservation (amongst many, many others) and did not, to my satisfaction, rectify the problem. I left after the first day and went home to Ohtawara-shi, Tochigi-ken, Japan.

Lucky me ran into his partner in sex Junko, who was out in Gunma-ken for some reason with her boyfriend. I am unsure if they sleep together... or if he is just there for appearances, like "Look, I have a Japanese boyfriend... I'm normal."

Junko is anything but normal, however. At least not in the sack.

While she did not talk to me in Gunma-ken, for fear of upsetting the apple cart, she acknowledged me and, later that evening back in Ohtawara, there she was knocking on my door.

How she knew I had gone home is anybody's guess. While Junko speaks flawless English, she rarely communicates her true motives to me... unless her true motives revolve around sexual debauchery. To be honest, I don't consider it debauchery. It's not just the old in and out... it's much, much more. And, while I am a relative newcomer to the whole sex-thing, only having lost my own virginity a month after arriving here in Japan to an American girl and fellow AET (I was nearly 26 years old), I have made up for lost time... as I have discovered that even though I may not be a great-looking man, I more than make up for it with personality (some say I have several), intelligence (I hope), humor (I hope), and enthusiasm along with an ability to take direction learn and not forget... I've done all right with the fair sex.

Junko and I didn't sleep last night. We were quiet. I usually am and while Junko can be loud, a well placed gag kept her in check. I told you... I am good at taking directions. She knows what she likes, and I know how to ensure she gets it. Several times a night.

We get up from my queen-sized bed sometime after 8AM... we're both exhausted and I'm sure I have dark rings under my eyes, but I glance back at her as she rubs some blood back into her wrists, she looks as fresh as a daisy just plucked (I said plucked) from under a deep, blue sky (something one doesn't see that often in Ohtawara, it seems). I can still smell the sweet scent of apple blossoms in the air from her shampoo. That, and sex. The room is thick with it.

I'm grinning hideously as I write that knowing that 20 years later I'm going to regret every moment of this...

Junko had previously been my stalker - in the exactly what a stalker-is sense. She followed me everywhere, disrupted my routine, I was so tired from the lack of sleep... yeah, it was from sex... but man can not live on sex alone, no matter how hard he wants it to be true.

I had to call in my board of education office to get her away from me. I just wanted to sleep. They came one evening and took her away... I assume to get some help, but maybe it was just to go back to school and to make her stop stalking me.

Look...  I love the attention. I really do. But sometimes, after the sex - when you know she's had enough - you just want her to leave so you can sleep.

Man... she's gorgeous. I want to be with her all the time, but she's a university student 40 minutes south in Utsunmoiya, and I don't want her to drop out, or lose focus on her studies. I want her to succeed. I have no idea if I am Mister Right or simply Mister Right Now for her... it seems like the latter for Junko and every other woman I've met... and I've begun to question whether it is them, or me.

Can one person meet that many defective people? That's my opinion of them. Everyone seems to have more baggage than a 767 airplane.

Am I a baggage handler, or am I that 180-pound suitcase?
            
So... after I cook up some bacon and scrambled eggs - the trick is to take them off the burner before they are fully cooked - I sit down across my small wooden dining table that cost $10 at IKEA and watch as she shovels a ketchup covered forkful of egg into her mouth.

"So... Junko... how's life treating you?"

"Last night was great, An-do-ryo-san."

(Why she reverted to breaking my name into Japanese phonetics and calling me 'mister' rather than 'teacher', I have no idea).

"Yeah, it was... but I meant how are things with you and school?"

"Good. You know school is easy for me."

(I didn't actually).

"Yeah, I know," I admitted. "It must be all of that studying."

"No... it's my photographic memory."

(Uh-oh. I don't like what's developing here. Or am I being too negative?)

"You're such a kidder, An-do-ryu!"

(God,  l love how she says my name! Whether it's in a simple conversation; panted while biting my ear lobe; or simply mouthed with her eyes as I do the unspeakable things to her that she likes.)

"So... what about us, Junko?"

"What do you mean? Didn't you have fun?"

"Of course I did? Did you?"

"..." she stares at me wondering how I could be so stupid. Should I just shut the fug up and stuff a strip of bacon in my mouth?

"Kidder... (ahem), no... I was just wondering if you and I shouldn't take things to another level?"

"Sexually? Can we do that? One of us will have to die then..." she smiled.

(I could have died happily hearing that, but I didn't really want to die. Her... I was never sure about.)

"I meant with our relationship..."

"What, like getting married? Okay."

(I didn't see that one coming.)

"Uh... okay."

(Apparently, this was the first time I had ever proposed to a woman, and it sure wasn't like anything I might have imagined it to be if I had ever imagined it before.)

"You're an idiot. A sweaty, hairy idiot. I know what you mean."

(Uh, that was her talking in the line above.)

She continued... "What do you want from me? You already have me body and soul. What's wrong with what we have?"

(I have no idea how to respond to someone who is asking questions for which the answers are so bloody obvious. I shut my mouth and try to smile.)

"I have a boyfriend. You have whatever you have with Ashley. Why do we need to change things with our relationship?"

"Ashley and I are completely over..."

"Ohhhh..... I see..."

(Oh, I really don't like where she is going with this. I know it's not going to be good.)

"You don't have a girlfriend and you can't handle that."

(Bingo!)

"Well... I'm sorry for that... I know you really cared about her..."

"I really care about you, Junko. Really."

"No... you only think you do because I am the safe alternative. I'm Miss Right Now."

(Oh man... why can't someone call my parents?)

... to be continued ...

Somewhere I'm baggage,
Andrew Joseph  
Today's blog title is by Mary J. Blige. The lyrics fit the mood.
And you know... the song is just supposed to play in the background as you read the blog. Hmmm... maybe I should have stated that before - like two years ago - and put the song at the front of the blog... oh well... now you know. Anyhow... sorry to have to continue this... but I always figured this blog was simply going to be about the 90 published columns I wrote about Japan while I was there... and then I would stop and find something new to write about. It was always supposed to be a comedy, my life... not this melodramatic stuff that seems to resonate heavily with me 20 years later. Thanks for indulging me. It's the cheapest form of therapy I can afford.